baby shower, or not

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Started 10 months ago by genny
Latest reply from Gypsie
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genny
Member

My daughter is pregnant and the neighborhood ladies want for her to have a baby shower.
She and I have been resisting this because she has so much that was left from a step son, we have been shopping at yard sales and we just sense a fatigue in the family gift giving chain what with graduations and weddings.
One neighbor suggested to just have a diaper shower. She did that and she got enough diapers for 6 months.

Daughter thinks that she may register at Target just so that people can buy something if they want.
I was so proud of her when she announced to me that she does want a bunch of "stuff". I thought, Wow! She has learned something from me.

Any ideas? Her initial idea was to send baby announcements after the birth and anyone who wanted to could send her a gift. Her townhouse is very small and she, husband, and step son all have way too much stuff for the space.
We also did not have a wedding shower. She did not want people to feel so dammed obligated to give and give and give. Of course, people did give wedding gifts.
We are thinking about just diapers maybe. Of course, this baby will wear cloth diapers at Grandma's house. But, between diapers and day care----whew!
I was over there last week, and I left with my pick up full of stuff to be taken care of. I am the depository of all things my kids need to get rid of, or that need repurposing. I am about to inherit stuff from my son's condo as he and his wife are moving up to Canada for a couple of years.

Posted 10 months ago #
Jackthetiger
Member

Baby showers are another example of the "must have" rites of passage, which might not really be needed.

It sounds like nappies might be a good option, but you will need to be aware of the need to store them until they are required. You might end up with mountains of them!! It does seem that babies come with an inordinate amount of stuff these days. I think your daughter is on the right track by trying to keep it simple.

Maybe the friends and family could throw her a wonderful afternoon tea where they make a fuss of her and they could all put in a small amount to give her a voucher for a massage and beauty treatment. We have done this for two women at work and they have been very grateful for something which shows care for them.

PS Genny, You might need to break your kids of the "Mum will store it all for us" mentality. My mother-in-law is storing all of the furniture for three grandchildren, and even my husband has things inside her shed. He moved out of home thirty years ago!

Posted 10 months ago #
irishbell
Member

Does your daughter need a stroller, rocking chair, breast pump or other pricey item?
Maybe they all could pitch in towards one big item.

Posted 10 months ago #
Rosa
Member

Would the neighborhood ladies enjoy a no-presents shower/ladies tea? Or a hand-me-downs only one (if you & your daughter are up to the work of sorting through & getting rid of unwanted things after?)

As a person who had a shower planned for me, willy nilly, thank you for actually ASKING your daughter before doing it!

Posted 10 months ago #
lottielot
Member

In Britain baby showers are not very common, it seems a bit of a rampant consumerist US tradition! I did get plenty of presents from all sorts of people after I had my kids though. People love to coo over diddy little baby clothes :)
How about a non-gift shower? You could ask all the women to bring a photo of their kids when they were babies and their favourite story about them, I think it'd be a lovely way to have a celebration without the clutter, and to concentrate on the friendship and love being expressed and on the love to be felt for the impending new baby.

Posted 10 months ago #
Nithy
Member

I threw a book baby shower for my best friend (we both worked at the library and the shower was for all our coworkers). Limiting the gifts ahead of time and focusing on fun games/activities to do at the shower might be a good way to go, if people really want to have a shower.

Posted 10 months ago #
lottielot
Member

That's so funny, that was going to be my other suggestion! But not everyone likes books, though my friends have really appreciated the baby books I gave them. They probably thought 'uh?' but 6 months down the track when they started reading to their babies, it is nice to have a choice of books. It gets soooo monotonous otherwise! I'm still a sucker for beautiful picture books, even though I hardly read them now as I read longer books to my 6 year old. I will really, really struggle to unclutter those picture books...I may have to nominate them 'non-clutter' and save them in the loft for the grandchildren.
Washable nappies and wraps are both useful and cute, you could ask for those, or a book, or...insert useful present here... A gift voucher for a baby gear shop so she can buy a pram or something bigger? She will end up with tiny clothes anyway, but this may steer people in the right direction.

Posted 10 months ago #
susanintexas
Member

A friend of mine recently had a book baby shower too -- the parents loved it and they got an entire shelf of lovely books. Another friend had a baby shower but the gifts were for the babies born to the teen mothers at the Guadalupe Home -- the baby and mother being celebrated already had all they needed from older children.

I think these events are important for building family and community -- that's why things continue through the centuries. However, they don't have to involve buying lots of stuff :)

Posted 10 months ago #
Nithy
Member

Let me tell you, a camera full of photos of all your coworkers nose-deep in diapers (the Dirty Diapers Game, in which you melt different candy bars in diapers and people have to guess what they are) is worth more than any baby shower gift you can think of.

Posted 10 months ago #
Jude2004
Member

I hate baby showers, so for one of my sons' births, my cousin had my colleagues at work (we worked at the same place) pay to participate in a baby pool. Everyone paid any entry fee and guessed when they thought the baby would be born and what its sex would be. The only prize for the winner was bragging rights, and all the money paid into the pool was given to us as a gift.

Posted 10 months ago #
Beccab
Member

No one gave us a shower for our last baby, we already had the big stuff, and when we found out it was a girl after 2 boys we got tons of clothes. When people asked my mom what to get us, she suggested that people comming to our baptism party bring a home made frozen meal for us to put in the freezer, allong with baking instructions. We recieved over a dozen meals for later when i was too tired to cook. It was grest!

Posted 10 months ago #
ninakk
Member

It's not usual in Europe to have showers of any kind, I think is safe to generalize. The ones arranged are being done due to American influence (again, a stark generalization I believe, apologies if I'm wrong) and the only one I was ever invited to was a baby shower for a person who has lived in the U.S. for a considerable amount of time. Especially before a wedding I think it is very strange to be "forced" to gift not once but twice, on top of all other costs related to that event.

Posted 10 months ago #
Smilla
Member

Lottielot, I support your idea that beloved baby and childrens books are not clutter. My mother is bringing out some of my old favourites for my 13 month old baby girl and it is such a delight for me to revisit these old favourites, some of which admittedly are classics and are still in print, and I could have repurchased them, but I am so glad they are just here waiting for me to read over and over and over again to my little one.
My mother has been decluttering for a few years but she says she would never have parted with those books.
Books are such a great gift. You feel silly reading to them at first but now when my daughter points to all the animals as you name them and follows the actions and laughs at our funny voices it is such a joy.

Posted 10 months ago #
genny
Member

I like the idea of books for the baby. Daughter is adamant that this baby will be read to and hopefully will enjoy reading. The step son does not.

I understand not being the last stop for all the kids belongings. I am more of the transfer station. I hauled most off to the local Goodwill. But, I do have room in the attic for some bins and such. There will be no unwanted items that reside inside of my living space! No way!

If we go with the diaper party, I will probably store them on a shelf in my garage. It is true that storing bulk items can take up a lot of space. I have told her not to buy that large paper towels package because it is the size of a chair! It is true that there may be a storage problem with them.

Generally, I hate showers of any sort! Most times, they are a source of too much stuff and too much obligation to buy.

These neighbor hood gals are the type who are going to be looking for the mixed drinks, rather than tea. They are the party crowd! They like girly drinks and food. I am so glad that they befriended my daughter when she moved in. She was newly married with a young step son, and a very long commute. She was questioning her decision to marry and move to the burbs with a built in son when some of them approached her. They have become friends and I am grateful for them. They helped ease the transition for her from urban, professional to suburban commuter.

Posted 10 months ago #
needtocleanhouse
Member

I love baby showers and things like that. I think they help build relationships and community and friendships; as well as foster love and positive feelings. I usually ask what they need and if they say nothing I give money as a gift. Usually a need for that kind of support and help when you have all the medical and care expenses to deal with during that period of time.

Posted 10 months ago #
irishbell
Member

NTCH- i agree. I'm reading all the other posts and i still can't understand why someone wouldn't want a party in honor of their marriage, new baby. to be together with family and friends and have yummy food and drinks and great conversation is one of my favorite things in life. if you don't want the gifts- donate them- there are always people in serious need that would be happy for them.
this is coming from a mom of 5 daughters- 3 who've had wedding showers and 1 whose had a baby shower. the only one shower that wasn't tons of fun(or even the least bit fun) was the recent wedding shower thrown by the grooms side of the family that were not the most friendly and a bit awkward, but my daughter seemed happy about it, so wth?!

Posted 10 months ago #
Rosa
Member

Why not?

1) mine was going to be thrown "for me" a six hour drive away, when I was nearly 8 months pregnant

2) just one more thing to do, when I was already exhausted

3) I hate writing thank-you notes

4) then I have to deal with all the stuff.

Posted 10 months ago #
irishbell
Member

The 6 hour drive would turn me off too.
I threw a bridal shower for a niece who lives an hour away, I asked her first- she said yes, she'd love it. I later found out from my sis how she complained it was so far to drive for a shower. The main reason I offered was that no one on the grooms side offered, so this was her only shower.she had little money and nothing to speak of for housekeeping. yet she complained about it. and the fact my sister told me that her daughter complained was quite rude, i thought.I did not offer a baby shower a couple years later when she was pregnant. this was probably an example of one of those showers better to have not been thrown!

Posted 10 months ago #
ninakk
Member

At ohdeedoh there have been some discussions on showers and it is painful to read of how so many have had such horrible experiences, when it at its best is a beautiful celebration of love and new life. I have nothing against getting together for a party in general but to blend in consumerism feels odd; of course not if the gifts are welcome and wished for but if it is just a forced compulsory event "since that is how it is done". I am sorry to hear of your unfortunate experience, irishbell!

Posted 10 months ago #
Nithy
Member

As far as Thank-Yous--

When my church throws a shower, one of the gifts from the group has been that the bride-to-be or mom-to-be doesn't have to write thank-yous.

After my friend's daughter was born, she laid the baby on the floor surrounded by all her bounty of books, took a photo, and made thank-you photo postcards from the Wal-Mart photo department. Everyone got a thank-you, and a photo of the baby, and mom didn't have to write anything.

Posted 10 months ago #

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