Thank you everyone for all of your feedback and support! It is so appreciated. The issue with my mom can be overwhelming at times and I fear that by moving closer and having a baby it will get worse, so I like the idea of confronting it now-while I have the patience and energy rather than later-when a baby is around.
@Rosa - I like the idea of having the things they gift the baby stay at their house (which is already packed, sigh). But, I think it will be a good strategy. That way once their house is full of baby items they know to stop buying, whereas, if it was at my place, I think it would keep coming like a flood.
@luxcat - Thanks for the registry suggestion, we want to use cloth diapers, which are expensive at first, so that would be good to register for. I think onsies must disappear pretty quickly into dirty laundry as well so I could add those to the list too. Also, I do have months to go, so I can start describing my baby stuff (or lack of) philosophy in various ways to her. Maybe it will sink in by December :)
@lottielot - Yes, my mom is already overexcited and baby crazy since my husband and I Skyped with her and my Dad to tell them the news. (At Easter, she sent the baby Easter bunny gifts.) I think I may need to stick her on the task of baby books, which would be pretty easy to get her excited about. I may be able to do larger items as well so she feels she is contributing, but she is more of a person who picks up tons of little items here and there, rather than large items. Although, if she purchased a big item - like a stroller or something - maybe she would feel satisfied. Hmmm...
@JuliaJayne - You must know my mother. She is the master of the guilt trip, pouting, watery-eye act :) It does seem like such a tightrope to walk though between being the stick-in-the-mud stuff police and not letting her show affection the way she likes to (gifts) vs. a free-for-all never-ending shopping spree, which drives me batty. I will mention the idea of a college savings fund (this would also be good for the other grandparents to contribute to if they were so inclined). But, I'm afraid that the thrill of shopping and the buy have a lot of power over her and she really likes that rush. Perhaps her sensibility would win out (college fund) over the thrill (OMG-CUTE BABY STUFF...Must..Buy.). Maybe having the college fund out there as an option would be a good start and enforce the priorities of our family that I can start talking about pre-birth.
@genny - I'm curious as to how you came to the agreement with your step-grandson and soon to be new grandchild, that items you buy would stay at your house? Was this something you advocated for? Or the parent's desired? If you don't mind me asking, how did that conversation go? Also, a daycare fund would be heaven-sent because I want to go back to work and continue to pursue my career, but daycare is so, incredibly expensive. I would work even if it was just to pay the daycare bill, but I would like to have extra left-over as well is possible. I'm not sure how rude it would be to have that as an option at the shower. I'd have to imagine it would be on par with asking for people to put money towards a honeymoon for a wedding. Perhaps if people call and ask about shower gifts/registry, they could be given the registry option and also be told that money towards daycare would be very appreciated. That way it isn't on the invitation, but would be an option. I believe the baby industry is such a money-making machine and they work really hard to confuse or guilt new parents into so much extra that they don't need. I'm trying to read as much as I can about what everyday things I can use in place of baby-branded items and I'm trying not to get sucked in (for instance instead of the diaper genie, use a regular garbage can with a liner---brilliant. Or as you mentioned, washcloths instead of wet wipes.)
@ninakk - Thanks for your encouragement! And I will take a look at those links.
@Anita - Good suggestion. I'd like my husband to come with me to register, but perhaps going through the registry my husband and I created together would work. Then I could talk more about what I want and what I don't want. I also wonder if my mom and I could have a shopping trip where I ask her to come with me to purchase things for the baby we do need that we didn't get at the shower and then also reinforce my ideas for baby stuff/clutter then?
@lucy1965 - Wow! Very nice! I think that grandparents must develop some sort of amnesia when the baby comes along because I'm sure they know that it doesn't matter to the baby one way or the other how many toys they have or cute clothes they have, but it must be hard to resist the pull of having the cutest, most decked-out grandchild of all time. Practical must be my mantra!
