Am I a freak?

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Started 1 year ago by lazycow
Latest reply from Sky
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lazycow
Member

Today my daughter and I went to a very hip little inner-city indie market, to look for presents for me to take overseas. I particularly wanted unique items that were made in Melbourne. We came away with NOTHING. Everything was very pretty and beautifully made but it was all just stuff.

I don't want to bestow clutter on anyone else, and I'm sure most women have enough necklaces (even ones made out of vintage postage stamps), earrings, screen-printed t-shirts, prints for their walls. Sigh. I think I've turned the corner from sane declutterer to slightly rabid, almost-minimalist, and I suspect, I'm slightly-to-quite annoying. I figure if I don't need/want something, no one else should either. Sigh.(We did have a lovely lunch at a local cafe so I'm not a total grinch). Anyone else feel this way?

Posted 1 year ago #
bandicoot
Member

you are singing my song!
i totally feel ya...and sometimes i wonder if i am being mrs grinch too.
i like giving gifts, but i am extra careful to make them consumable gifts these days.
and not the kind of superfancy consumables that nobody will ever consume.

Posted 1 year ago #
Jackthetiger
Member

I agree Lazycow. The markets in St Kilda or Southbank have really beautiful things, but I just don't want that stuff in my life and I don't want to spread it around. Some things are not that useful in our climate either. I once bought a thick, hand-spun alpaca shawl which was dyed in rich, deep colours. Did I ever use it? No way! It is never cold enough in Melbourne to swathe oneself in something more suited to winter in a Nepalese mountain village.

To the uninitiated unclutterer it can be incomprehensible to want less stuff. My stepmother thought I was completely ridiculous not to buy a few cheap plastic garden chairs to have in case of extra visitors. She said they could sit in the shed, out of the way in case they are needed. Doh!!!!!!!

Don't worry about being a little annoying, just do your own thing. It is not as if you are on a campaign to rid your friends and neighbours of their most prized possessions.......OR ARE YOU?!?!?!

Posted 1 year ago #
herisff
Member

I'm so with you. I don't like to even mention the things I'm going to donate to the people at work, for fear someone will actually want it. Only one other person at work is at the stage I am - she wants less in her home too. For your trip, if you have the room, it's allowed, and not too hot - why not take small consumables (like Ghiradelli chocolates if you live in the US)? It's too early for other examples to come to my non-caffeinated brain, but you get the idea.

Posted 1 year ago #
minimalmaya
Member

Don't worry.. you're not the only one with that "problem".
It's a good idea to stand up to what you believe in, no body said being different is easy!
Usually when people visit us here, we take them to a big outlet mall and they are very surprised that while I love looking at pretty things (relaxes the left side of my brain) I rarely buy anything. Unless it is the BEST QUALITY EVER MADE AND SUPER BARGAIN AND INSANELY BEAUTIFUL REPLACEMENT for something I have at home or that is on my list. Going shopping for me is like going to a museum. Also I'm on a clothes shopping ban for 2011, because I want to wear out what I have and we'll be moving soon.

my mom gets it, she brings me food baskets when she comes around to visit. MIL is a bit more resistant (shopping being her biggest hobby), but she already understands that she can make me happy with handmade useful things (she crafts), and from time to time they gift me jewelery (which is beautiful AND small). I'm working on it!

Posted 1 year ago #
Sky
Member

Me too. I am not interested in buying anything except necessities. I look at all the decorative stuff and nothing appeals to me any more. The more minimal I get the better I like it and the easier it is to keep my house clean.

We have told everybody we don't want "stuff" so we get very few gifts but lots of rolled eyes. That's okay, they spend endless hours dusting and I don't.

Posted 1 year ago #
jbeany
Member

Oh, yeah, consumable or experience gifts totally rock. I've got one friend who is slowly making the attempt to change her own hoarding tendencies. She knows I'm working on it seriously. For Christmas, she donated money in my name for livestock for an indigent family. Sweet! It's great when someone gets you well enough to understand that you are trying to change yourself.

I'm getting better at it too. I hate to give someone something unless I know it's something they were particularly looking for or loved. I'm sure I don't always get it right, but it's good to try. But when I look at things for gifts, and think of the emotional stress I've sometimes felt trying to let go of something that was given to me, I feel like giving a gift might be putting that same burden on them. Of course, giving gift receipts and telling them they don't have to keep it if they don't love it helps, too...

Posted 1 year ago #
Ella
Member

I like to give consumables that are unique to my area or to a place I'm visiting, such as locally made chocolates, sauces, condiments, coffees, or teas.

I'm like you, minimalmaya... I love to look around in shops as if they were museums, with fascinating things to look at and none of the burden of ownership. When I get the urge to go clothes shopping, I leave my money at home (don't use credit cards) and just enjoy myself trying on beautiful clothes. There's no danger of purchasing more things I don't need. I already have a closetful of nice clothes. So for me, "shopping" is clutter-free entertainment.

Posted 1 year ago #
greymac
Member

Ella, you were reading my mind! Other great consumable gifts are candles, soaps, and lotions. And yes, I enjoy shopping without buying. (It was an acquired love!)

Posted 1 year ago #
Emilie
Member

Hmm, you don't sound annoying to me. It's true, unless someone has specifically requested or admired, say, a postage-stamp necklace, there's a good chance it's just going to be clutter for them.

Posted 1 year ago #
lazycow
Member

Thanks everyone. You all rock! I'm going to make sure I come back and read this thread whenever I feel down :-)

Posted 1 year ago #
chacha1
Member

Definitely, consumables + experiences. My parents are VERY DIFFICULT to find gifts for. They like pretty household things, but prefer to choose their own. My most successful, in recent years, was a gift certificate to a fancy restaurant that they love but don't generally spend their own money to visit.

My husband, too ... VERY DIFFICULT. Because he buys himself everything he wants. Big recent success: tickets to a dinner dance + show.

My sisters, on the other hand ... EASY. Anything from their Amazon wishlist, or for their garden. Recent successes: a bat house, and a mini greenhouse for starting seeds.

I like to shop (with or without buying) but I very, very rarely buy for anyone but myself these days, which happily means I rarely buy much of anything. I don't buy anything for someone else just because it's pretty and they *might* like it.

I have a friend who used to urge me to get things that I admired, when we were out & about together. Recently she has come to accept that just because I admire something doesn't mean I have to OWN it.

Posted 1 year ago #
Ann
Member

Went to Paris last fall with DH and came home with nothing. Just pictures and the joy of experiencing wonderful food, museums, metro rides, ice cream. I think I have a 2 euro coin in the bottom on my purse...good luck!!

Posted 1 year ago #
themusiclivez
Member

I know where you are coming from. I do the same exact thing! I try to make sure that I am not giving clutter when I need to purchase a gift. I felt kind of grinchy too but then I realized that I could give the gift of iTunes gift cards which make my friends VERY happy with no clutter involved!

There are many things I see in stores that are pretty and I have to ask myself, "Is this something I will use? Or will it clutter my life?" Oftentimes I feel it will clutter my life and I opt not to purchase it.

Posted 1 year ago #
charmed2482
Member

I try to discourage my friends from buying me "Stuff" I didn't get much of anything this year for my birthday which was great. I just went out with friends and had a good time which is all I wanted. One friend made me a cake and got me some small stuff, mostly it was consumable which was great. I rarely buy gifts for people unless I know its something they will totally love, and I don't generally do it for birthdays or holidays, just whenever gifts if I happen to see something I know they'd like. Like I got one friend a Tardis shapped mug from Think Geek, when I saw it online I had to get it for him b/c he's a huge huge Dr. Who fan. he loved it, its the only thing I've ever bought for him. I don't like to buy things for people unless I know they will use it, other wise I just feel like I'm cluttering other people's spaces.

Posted 1 year ago #
lottielot
Member

yes, burdening other people with clutter is not good, pity most people don't think the same way when they give you things... I was very happy with my dh's Christmas present to me though, 2 tickets to the Chelsea flower show with lunch. And best of all, he wants to come with me! I've been looking forward to it since December, that's an experience present with longevity as it's at the end of May :)

Posted 1 year ago #
lazycow
Member

Hey Lottielot, how are you? I love your present! A couple of years ago, I asked my husband to take us all to the local Medieval and Renaissance Fayre and Tourney for my birthday. He was *desperate* to go home after a couple of hours, but I was very pleased that he DID enjoy himself for a brief time. The kids and I ADORED it.

This year I'm going to bite the bullet and actually request that my group of friends NOT buy me anything for my birthday: we're going away for the weekend and probably out for a nice dinner and that is plenty. It will be the first time anyone has requested this, so I'm not sure how it will go down. They already think I'm a little strange for asking for a Oxfam goat for our Kris Kringle last year!

Posted 1 year ago #
lottielot
Member

hi lazycow, I'm fine thanks :) It was a very sweet present from my dh, wasn't it? It's the sort of thing which you wouldn't treat yourself to, but is lovely when someone else does it for you. If only I could think of something similar for him...Will put my thinking cap on. Maybe you could ask your friends to chip in to buy you an experience if you think they won't like the 'no presents' thing? Like a voucher for a spa day or a beauty treatment or something?

Posted 1 year ago #
Jackthetiger
Member

Lottielot @ I am still wondering what happened with the ransom note. Did it work?

Posted 1 year ago #
lottielot
Member

grrrrrrr, no. Insert expletives here... My dh has been super stressed at work and not at all receptive to jokes of any kind :( Not only that, but one of the two pairs of shoes he ordered turned out to be the wrong colour so they are cluttering up my dining room. I REFUSE to return them for him! When his life calms down a bit I'll make him get rid of some shoes and trousers and post back the incorrect shoes, maybe over the Easter bank holiday. He drives me crazy, I think he currently has about 38 pairs of shoes, most of which he leaves all over our dining room rug.
At least the divorce box has stayed in his car since last time :)

Posted 1 year ago #

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