If you’re planning on heading into work tomorrow with a wicked hangover, let me recommend these options for hiding your identity and keeping a low profile from your boss and coworkers:

These sunglasses will make people think you’re Sir Elton John and keep out the dreaded light that burns your skull –

While these sunglasses will also “shutter” out the burn –

This pair combines the light-blocking powers of the first two pairs into one MEGA pair of sunglasses –

And this pair appears to block out light completely, which has the added bonus of allowing you to nap on the job unnoticed –

Now, this pair provides much needed forehead protection –

And this final pair is appropriate any time you have a hangover, not just on March 18 –

Of course, if things are really rough, you can always send a decoy into your office to take your place for the day, and no one will even notice it’s not you:

When March rolls onto the calendar, I begin preparations for the coming warmer weather months. I plant seedlings for my garden, wipe down the patio furniture, and clean up the grill. Additionally, I bring out my vast collection of specialized steak branding irons.

What’s that? You don’t have a collection of steak branding irons? How is this possible?! Didn’t you rush out and buy one after we wrote about the monogrammed steak brand in our Unitasker column two and a half years ago? I can’t believe you didn’t! Shocking!!!

Well, now is the perfect time to jump on the steak branding iron bandwagon! Start your collection with a double heart branding iron, because nothing says “I love you” quite like a branded steak:

Or a Marine insignia branding iron — for your steaks, not new recruits:

Or your Christian fish branding iron, because (religious imagery aside) nothing is funnier than confusing your guests with a fish picture on a slab of beef:

Or your rocking dad branding iron, because we all know dads who brand their meat really do rock:

You can even buy the entire set of more than 20 specialized steak branding irons for just $524.

Join the fun, and let your meat speak!

(A special thanks to reader Alyson for introducing us to this very bizarre trend in grilling.)

I have never had a french fry made with this contraption, but supposedly it allows you to microwave fries purchased in your grocer’s freezer and turn them into treats that taste like ones from your favorite fast-food joint. I’m sincerely doubting this claim seeing as we all know it’s the fat and grease that makes fast food french fries so yummy. (Which is also why Cookie Monster would likely advise they be a “sometime snack.”) But, regardless if this device lives up to its claims or not, the Microwave French Fry Maker is still a unitasker:

The device looks relatively large and might be a hassle to store the 360 days a year you aren’t making fries at home. Additionally, I cannot imagine that sticking each individual french fry into a little square is worth the time and effort. When they come frozen, they’re all stuck together, and it means you would have to handle each and every fry. Ugh. If you’re worried about the calories and cholesterol that come from frying, simply bake them on a multitasking cookie sheet instead of spending money on this plastic doodad to use in your microwave. Or, splurge a few times a year and buy the real deal at McDonald’s and enjoy a “sometime snack” exception to your normally healthy lifestyle. I can’t even fathom another use for the Microwave French Fry Maker that might possibly make it a multitasker.

Thanks to reader Michelle for bringing this unitasker to our attention.

The baby industry never ceases to amaze me with its ability to prey on new parents. This week’s Unitasker is right up there with the Nuvo Ritmo Pregnancy Sound System as being a totally useless gadget. Introducing the Formula Mixer:

As an adoptive parent with six months of making bottles under my belt, I can 100 percent attest to the fact that merely shaking a bottle will produce a wonderfully consistent meal for my son. No electricity is needed to power my arm while it shakes. I don’t need to toss my arm in the dishwasher afterward, and I don’t have to buy my arm seeing as it’s already attached to my body. Since you have to continuously hold down the power button to use this item, I don’t understand how it is in any way better than simply shaking a bottle. Oh, Unitaskers, how you make me smile.

Until I took notice of how manufacturers fold their fitted sheets for packaging, I was abysmal at the chore. Once I learned how to fold a fitted sheet without all the corner tucking nonsense, however, I realized it was extremely simple. In seconds flat I can fold a fitted sheet as well as a top sheet. No lumps, no fuss, no partner necessary, no special tools, and no need to watch a video explaining the technique every time I do laundry.

Unfortunately, like most tasks that seem difficult, there is an inventor ready to produce a plastic doodad who is also eager to take your money from you. Presenting, the Fit and Fold:

I don’t see any time advantage these buttons have to folding a fitted sheet without them. And, who wants four large, unattractive buttons on their bed when the sheets are in use? I’m envisioning my hair getting caught in one of the buttons while I sleep. Ack! Also, does anyone else find it strange that he says he doesn’t have five minutes to learn how to fold a fitted sheet properly, but his video is 4 min and 29 seconds to watch? I’m calling shenanigans!! Shenanigans! The guy definitely has five minutes.

Thanks to reader RL for introducing us to this fun unitasker!

This week’s unitasker is a rare product that is better illustrated with a video than described with words. You can’t buy it in a store, but you can make one at home:

And, if I’m being really honest, I really want to build one — it’s so cute!

Thanks to reader Tom for sending us the link to this great unitasker.

As a promotion to build brand awareness, the company World Wide Bakery (a Macedonian company known for their frozen, stuffed, savory pies) made and distributed the unitasking wonder known as the Calendar 2010 Rolling Pin.

Not only is this item limited to being used for just a 12-month time period (or, rather, 11 months now that it’s February), but it has to be used in conjunction with another rolling pin that first flattens the dough to a smooth finish. And, I have yet to come up with a reason why someone would want to roll the 2010 calendar into their baked goods. The whole idea seems a little odd to me.

Granted, if you chose to use it as a weapon to fight off home invaders, then it would clearly be a multi-tasker. However, I don’t think violence was what World Wide Bakery had in mind when they produced this unitasking gem.

(Thanks to Sarah for the link and Ads of the World for the images.)

Cupcakes are certainly the hip sweet treat these days. Walking through many cities across the U.S., you’re likely to find as many coffee shops as cupcake spots. But, you don’t have to wander in and buy these desserts — make them at home! While you’re at it, don’t even use your oven (which you already own) or a cupcake tin (which usually retails for just $7.00). Instead, purchase and use your extremely specific Mini Cupcake Maker:

After using this confection-specific appliance, store it in your cabinet next to your Muffin Magic, your cupcake batter dispenser, and your Perfect Brownie pan.

Or don’t.

Thanks to reader Janet for introducing us to this kitchen unitasker.

Being a new mom, I spent a number of weeks being a lot more aware of the massive marketing efforts directed toward first-time pregnant women and parents. I specifically mention “first-time” because my eyes are already starting to go back to glossing over these advertisements — the same way I no longer see bridal or cigarette ads.

The stuff being marketed to first-time pregnant women and parents is about 1/4 necessary, 1/4 might-be useful to some people, and 1/2 scams and clutter. As proof of the scams and clutter category, I present the Nuvo Ritmo Pregnancy Sound System:

From the Manufacturer’s description:

The Ritmo advanced sound system by Nuvo is the most advanced and complete system for delivering quality and safe sound to prenatal listeners.

I wanted to know if this was true, so I asked my friend’s unborn daughter what she thought. Her response:

It may deliver “safe sound” but I have to disagree with Nuvo’s claims about quality. I find the system to lack the mid-range fullness I’m seeking for my womb. I also dislike the inability to adjust the bass, treble, and playlist from anywhere inside the placenta. Who chose this crappy music? I’d love to rock out to some Rammstein.

How any of us grew up to be functioning adults without our mothers using the Nuvo Ritmo Pregnancy Sound System, I shall never know.

(Special thanks to reader Wobagi for this unitasker, via Engadget.)

Reader Sarah sent us what she believes to be the worst unitasker ever. I may have to disagree with her, because as far as I can tell this product is a no-tasker. It doesn’t do anything. It is so pointless that it may not even rise to unitasker status. Introducing, the Desktop V Twin Engine, which powers nothing!

After filling its reservoir with butane (commonly available at drug stores), the engine is started by turning its solid brass flywheel … Its non-toxic exhaust allows you to operate the engine in a ventilated room. It operates up to 10 minutes from a full tank.

I stand corrected, it does do something — Wastes butane! For 10 whole minutes!

For all you butane haters, this is the device for you. At just $1,000 Canadian dollars (US $967), you can burn, burn, burn butane in your ventilated room to your heart’s content. Vroooooom, vroooooooom!

I’ve always been of the opinion that a grill with multiple removable plates, of which one is a waffle maker, is the better way to go if you really enjoy making waffles at home. Instead of storing five separate appliances, you store one appliance and five sets of plates that take up significantly less space. We’ve even run a great tip from a reader explaining how to store the plates in an organized manner.

For the first time ever, though, I have come to doubt our Unitasker designation for the waffle maker after learning about the fun new website: Waffleizer.com.

This new website has already featured recipes for hamburgers, bread pudding (pictured), and hash browns. It is a blog dedicated to “alternative recipes for your waffle iron.” The blog promises to post 30 non-traditional uses for a waffle maker, and a month of recipes would certainly turn a Unitasker into a multi-tasker. I’m eager to see the next 27 recipes, and I hope that if you have a stand-alone waffle maker in your cupboard that you consider giving these alternative recipes a try. Bring out that Unitasker and see if it can really make more than Saturday morning breakfast.

(Thanks to Serious Eats for introducing us to this new site. Bread pudding image from Waffleizer.com)

Look at these cute socks:

Oh, wait. You’re saying they’re not socks I can wear? They’re socks for my chairs?!

Why in the world does my chair need socks?! Are its legs cold? Does it wish to look stylish when its frolicking outdoors in its parka? Are the inexpensive and unnoticeable cork floor protectors no longer suffice at keeping scratches off my hard wood floor? Is my chair being immodest if it shows off all of its leg?

And, what if my chair is clearly female but wishes to wear the “argyle male” color pattern? Huh?! What should it do, then?!!

Phew! I’m noticing now that the chair socks are not available in the U.S. I am tempted no longer.

(A wonderful word of thanks to Louise for finding these adorable unitaskers.)

The book brush:

The Tootsie Tanner:

The Hawaii Chair:

The Garbage Bowl:

The Meatball Grill Basket:

The Cooler Dry

Plastic wishbones:

And, for the big finale, what I do believe was THE best unitasker of 2009 — drumroll please — The Spin the Bottle Game:

What were your favorite unitaskers from the past year? Check out our Unitasker Wednesday archives for a complete walk down memory lane.

The last unitasker of 2009 is the Tuna Squeeze!

No longer do you need to use the lid of the tuna can to conveniently drain off the water or oil packed with the fish. With the Tuna Squeeze, why, just open your kitchen drawer, remove your can opener, open your can of tuna, remove the lid, quickly rinse the lid, toss the lid into the recycling, open your kitchen drawer again to return the can opener and pull out your Tuna Squeeze, insert your can of tuna into the Tuna Squeeze, press down on the plastic top piece, drain the liquid into the sink, open the top piece of the Tuna Squeeze, remove the can of tuna, open your dishwasher, put the Tuna Squeeze on the top shelf, and then shut your dishwasher. It can be that easy!

And, if you order now, you get not one, but TWO Tuna Squeezes for $10.00 — I’m sold!

(Special thanks go to reader Paula for bringing this fishy unitasker to our attention.)

Scissors are so obsolete. Sure, they have efficiently and effectively cut billions of things for more than 3,500 years, but whatever. You’re not into multi-taskers. You’re all about tools that only have one specific purpose, like the Gift Wrap Cutter:

Additionally, the “the Gift Wrap Cutter from Inovent makes gift-wrapping as much fun as opening your own presents.” Wow! That is a lot of fun! How can you turn your back on so much fun?! Yes, you could simply use a multi-tasking ruler to serve as a straight-edge while you cut the wrapping paper with your scissors but that’s NOT FUN!

Wait! Why stop at just the Gift Wrap Cutter when you can also get the hand-held gift wrap cutter, the enormous tissue paper holder and stand, and the Zibra Universal Package Opener to fill out your scissor-replacement collection?!!

(Thanks go to reader Karen for finding this wonderful holiday-themed unitasker.)

The first time I saw hand-only oven mitts, I thought they were a little ridiculous. I prefer to use long oven mitts so that I only need to own one pair (I can wear them while grilling, reaching into a pot of boiling water, or simply removing a pan from the oven), but the hand-only ones at least appear safe.

Let me show you what doesn’t look safe:

That’s right, fingertip oven mitts do not look safe. I’m going to go out on a limb and say that they look unsafe. And, all you can do is grab a hot plate with them. You certainly couldn’t use them while grilling, reaching into boiling water, or removing a pan from the oven.

I declare that reader Peg sent us a fantastic unitasker!

Eyelash curler — Okay, I’ll admit it, I own one.

Heated eyelash curler — I don’t have a need for one, but I can imagine how someone with particularly thick eyelashes might.

Unfortunately, I am baffled as to why anyone would need this USB Heated Eyelash Curler:

Did the people who create this wonder: “Why should I safely curl my eyelashes in front of a mirror when I could do it blindly in front of my laptop with 5V current?!”

Also, if I bought this I would need to buy a USB hub for the bathroom so my husband could simultaneously plug-in his USB electric shaver and his USB toothbrush sanitizer.

Thanks to reader Gladys for bringing yet another USB-powered unitasker to our attention.

The wonderful people at ThinkGeek.com have brought us what can only be described as THE most amazing unitasker ever found. Not only does it waste energy and use up one of your USB ports, but it also does absolutely nothing! The USB Pet Rock:

This unitasker (or should we say non-tasker?) is pure genius. The best part of it all might even be the catalog text promoting the item:

Simply plug the USB cable into a free port and let the fun begin. The USB Pet Rock will instantly begin to work its magic. People will stop by and ask you what your USB Pet Rock does. Each time, you can make up a new story; for no matter what you say, it will be greater than the truth – because these USB Pet Rocks don’t do a dang thing. Except make you smile. And confuse your friends and coworkers, which will make you smile even more. So, get your USB Pet Rock today, and help make us rich tomorrow.

It actually says that it doesn’t do “a dang thing” and is only to help make the company “rich.” Oh, I am insanely curious to know how many of these ThinkGeek has already sold.

To get us all into the Thanksgiving spirit (and those of you outside the U.S., feel welcome to laugh along), I present to you synthetic Lucky Break Wishbones in packs of 4, 5, 8, or 10!

Now you don’t have to prepare five turkeys just so all your guests can participate in wishbone-breaking fun! I think we’re all in agreement that gathering together with family and friends, sharing in good conversation, and eating an amazing meal is an unfulfilling experience without the wishbone. With the Lucky Break Wishbones your guests won’t have to worry about how they’re going to get lucky!

The list of unitaskers available for your computer’s USB ports just got a little bit longer thanks to the extremely necessary USB-powered Hamster Wheel:

Now, you can waste away electrical energy by simply plugging in this “pet” to your computer. And, it’s not just a form of entertainment, it makes a political statement by telling your boss that you believe your work is like a hamster in a wheel, going nowhere. Wow, it’s not a unitasker after all!

Unfortunately, it doesn’t appear that the Hamster Wheel is currently being sold in the U.S. Those of us in the states will simply have to settle for the AAA battery version. (A version, I might add, that specifically claims it is NOT safe for children.)

Thanks to reader Enestor19 for bringing this unitasker to our attention.