Unitasker Wednesday: Snack Spout

All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

Do you like snacks? Do you like buying snacks in really large quantities from big box stores like Costco? Then, do you feel it is too much trouble to unscrew the lids on those snacks and scoop or pour those snacks into a bowl or onto a plate? Do you love to drop your snacks onto the floor as they fall from between your fingers? Do you love to get the bacteria off your hands onto your snacks and then eat the contaminated candy? If you answered “yes” to all of these questions, then we have a unitasker for you! The Snack Spout:

The Snack Spout wants to make eating junk food even easier … because apparently it was too hard to eat junk food before now! For people who buy snacks in bulk, they can attach the large container to this device and then use their hands to repeatedly access the snacks. The product description claims it’s more sanitary to use your hands to get the snacks from this device, but I personally think it’s more sanitary to use a scoop and bowl when eating snacks (and hey, look at that, science agrees with me).

Sure this thing is kind of cute, but thinking about the amount of bacteria on this dispenser also makes my tummy a little queasy. Blergh.

Thanks to reader DK for helping us find this unitasker.

Unitasker Wednesday: DestapaBanana

All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

This is one of the more bizarre unitaskers we have encountered here at Unclutterer. Dave possibly described it best when he said, “if this isn’t a unitasker, I don’t know what is.” He was right in that this may be the most unitaskery unitasker of all time. Introducing the DestapaBanana from Argentina:

In case the images didn’t give you enough information, I’ll explain the device in a bit more detail. The DestapaBanana bores a hole through the length of your banana and then you pour a sweet filling (like caramel, chocolate, or strawberry sauce) into the reservoir. Once sauced, you can eat the banana right away or you can put it in the freezer and eat it frozen later.

For starters, this device does nothing else and won’t work with bananas that have a lot of curve to them. Additionally, I think a straw would do the same thing if you really are fond of this idea. Or, you could dip the banana in a sauce and not waste part of your banana. And, finally, let’s not forget the most obvious thing here that injecting sauce into a banana transforms it from a health food into a tube of pure sugar.

Anyone else craving a banana split now?

Unitasker Wednesday: Bottle Opener Cap Catcher

All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

As longtime readers are aware, I don’t understand the desire to keep trash as a hobby — I’m referring to things like wine corks and baby teeth. I’m cool with dropping these items into a trash can or recycling bin, because that is where trash belongs. But displaying trash or hoarding it in a drawer doesn’t sit right with me. Trash, waste, rubbish is clutter.

This week’s unitasker selection falls into the trash-as-hobby category, it’s the Bottle Opener Cap Catcher:

This device removes bottle caps, and then stores them for you. Instead of removing a bottle cap and instantly putting it into the trash or recycling bin, you get to save it … for reasons I cannot not imagine.

Maybe if you are an artist and bottle caps are your medium I could understand the desire to save bottle caps. However, my guess is that the vast majority of Unclutterer readers are not artists who are paid to create sculptures from bottle caps. Just a hunch.

Per Jacki’s post about “Modified principles of sanitary design” on Monday, try to avoid buying things that create additional work and unsanitary conditions for you and your family. If your intention is to throw away the bottle caps after collecting them, don’t add the extra step of collecting them in the first place. Throw them right away. Save space in your drawers/cupboards for things that are worth taking up that space. A small bottle opener is uncluttered and doesn’t tempt you to keep trash as a hobby — this device is the opposite of those things.

To be fair, this is far from being the worst unitasker we’ve featured. However, I think it’s important to really think about the items we buy. Are we creating extra work for ourselves? Are we keeping something that really belongs in the trash? Good questions to ask about everything, even something as simple as bottle openers.

Unitasker Wednesday: The dunkr

All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

Back in 2011, we featured The dipr in one of our Unitasker columns. It’s a spoon made to only hold sandwich cookies when you dunk them in milk — to clarify, it’s only for cookies like Oreos and Hydroxes. It’s cute, but undoubtedly a unitasker.

Since its introduction into the sandwich-cookie-dipping market, a few problems have been discovered with the product. The most notable of these problems is that The dipr doesn’t work well with standard cups. The angle of the handle is too shallow, so the cookie rolls off The dipr when you go to dip your cookie in milk. Instead of doing the sensible thing and changing the angle of the handle to improve the product, the same company has introduced a specialty shallow cup to hold your milk! The dunkr:

Now, you can buy The dipr AND The dunkr! For $15! One cup. $15 for just one cup. Not two, not four, one. All to “fix” a bug with the original product.

Can you imagine if a car company “fixed” a failing brake problem by asking customers to buy special padding to wrap the car in instead of fixing the brakes? Or if a roofing company solved a leaking problem by telling its customers to buy buckets to catch dripping water?

This does nothing to help my faith in the manufacturing industry.

Unitasker Wednesday: The Locker Rocker

All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

A long time ago, I went to high school. (True story. This awkward phase actually happened.)

Like most everyone who ever went to high school, I was issued a locker. It was a brown, metal, industrial, rectangle with a door that had been embedded in the wall of the school since before my grandmother had gone to school there. It was utilitarian and stuffed with books and notebooks and supplies and my coat and purse and about a thousand pony tail holders. It was not glamorous because it was a locker, not a night club, and I wasn’t an extra in a teen movie.

High school kids today, however, must either have enormous walk-in lockers or not need books or notebooks or supplies or a coat or purse or ponytail holders because the other day in The Container Store I saw this: A Locker Rocker.

Why?

Why would any student have need for a chandelier in his or her locker?

Are lockers really so large today that students require task lighting in these spaces?

Well, if a chandelier isn’t enough proof that lockers today must be the size of small cars, check out the locker rugs and locker wallpaper you can get to go with your chandelier. (I’m not making this up. Really, I’m not. Chandeliers and rugs and wallpaper.)

Kids must bring their contractors and interior designers with them on the first day of school.

Unitasker Wednesday: Nutmeg Grinder

All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

I appreciate a little freshly ground nutmeg on things like chai lattes and roasted carrots. To use it, I grab my multi-tasking cheese grater that has a zesting plane on one of its sides, and I grind a bit of a nutmeg seed onto whatever it is I’m preparing. Fresh nutmeg seeds store almost indefinitely in a sealed container (I use a little glass jar), so as long as you keep them away from light, heat, and moisture, you don’t really need anything special to keep a few in your kitchen.

Noting how easy it is to have fresh nutmeg on hand, I have to admit to being confused by this device specifically made to grind nutmeg seeds — the Nutmeg Grinder:

First, this device is about the size of a travel coffee mug. It’s not small, like a salt or pepper shaker. For a single use device, it takes up a decent amount of space in your cupboards. Second, and this is my main beef with it, it’s not electric. The piece on the top folds out and you have to hand-crank the grinder. You use the same amount of effort as you do if you were to manipulate a nutmeg seed across a zesting plane. I thought initially that if you had arthritis or another hand complication that an electric grinder might be useful, but since this one requires hand strength and agility it doesn’t help anyone with those needs.

When outfitting a kitchen, it’s fine to consider single-use devices if they are extremely convenient and save you time and space and you regularly use them. But, even if you regularly use freshly ground nutmeg, this device won’t save you time or space and its purpose can be easily duplicated by a multi-purpose device.

Unitasker Wednesday: Vessyl

All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we aren’t trying to encourage you to buy these items, we are trying to get you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

This week’s unitasker selection is the Vessyl. And, there is nothing I could write about it that would be as entertaining as what Stephen Colbert has already said:

(If you can’t see the above video clip, try http://www.youtube.com/embed/VvkvBIleOEo?rel=0 on YouTube.)

Thanks to reader Tabitha for bringing our attention to Colbert’s segment.

Unitasker Wednesday: Yellow Pages Booster Seat

All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

Once upon a time, if you were too short to see over your steering wheel in your car or you simply needed to be taller when sitting down at a table, you would place a giant Yellow Pages between your tush and a chair. Now, you don’t need to sacrifice that never referenced book and you can duplicate its only purpose using a plastic Yellow Pages Booster Seat instead:

Your real Yellow Pages will now be free to take up space in your recycling bin just as it has for tall people since the invention of Google.

WAIT! Don’t recycle that Yellow Pages just yet! Sadly, this item appears to be out of stock and currently unavailable on Amazon. Please try to contain your tears so they don’t drip down your face and onto your keyboard.

Thanks again to Unclutterer Dave for tracking down this redundant device for us.

Unitasker Wednesday: The Beer Holster

All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

There was a time when I owned a sweatshirt with an insulated pouch in it to hold a bottle of beer. I lived in a college town and tailgating before football games was a nearly weekly event. When that phase of my life ended, I got rid of the sweatshirt and simply relied on my Sküüzi. (Just kidding, though the Sküüzi still makes me laugh.)

In the same tipsy and unitaskery spirit, I present this week’s selection — the Beer Holster:

Strap the Beer Holster to your leg, and you’re ready to do whatever it is you do with a beer strapped to your leg. Which, I guess, only includes standing? You can’t really do much else or you’ll spill your beer. So, strap it on and stand! (At least with the sweatshirt and Sküüzi you can sit down … this thing is somehow even less functional than those unitaskers …)

If you want to get all fancy, you can even get a monogramed beer holster from Red Envelope. Oooh, la la!

And, if you like to drink beer from cans, you’re in luck! You can buy a camouflage fanny pack that holds SIX cans. (The camouflage fabric is obviously necessary to keep deer from stealing your brew.)

Thanks to Unclutterer Dave for finding the Beer Holster unitasker for us.

Unitasker Wednesday: Jonny Glow

All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!


My wife and I live in a rural home on a dirt road with no street lights. Most of our neighbors are “summer people,” meaning their houses are empty for eight or nine months out of the year. All this to say that, when the sun goes down, it gets dark. This can make it difficult to, among other things, find the bathroom at night. Fortunately, Jonny Glow is prepared to light the way!

Meant to “help you see where you are going,” Jonny Glow adheres to the inside of the bowl and is powerful enough to “glow all night.” You can buy one or even a five-pack if you’ve got a large home with several bathrooms. Sure, you could simply install a nightlight or just turn on a light, but whatever. Plus, I bet it really freaks out the cat.

Of course, if you’re the DIY type you easily make your own! Buy a roll of glowing tape, as is often used in theaters, and save a few bucks. Plus, 30 feet of tape should let you do just about every toilet, kitty litter box, doggie door in the house.

Unitasker Wednesday: Leifheit 37200 Cherrymat Cherrystone Remover

All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

I’ve mentioned before that I’m not much of a fan of cherries (that is unless they’re candied and slathered in chocolate or soaked in maraschino liqueur, because those types of cherries are tolerable). Until I had children, I didn’t even own a cherry pitter — no need for one. Then, last spring, my then-three-year-old son declared that he loved cherries and that he wanted to eat “all the cherries in the world.” So, like mothers tend to do when their kids express eagerness about eating fresh fruit when it’s in season, I tried my best to buy all the cherries and also picked up a $15 cherry pitter to make the process of eating a cherry less troublesome for the kid.

The device is quite simple to use and I even made a few cherry pies at the start of the summer (humming the atrocious “Cherry Pie” song the entire time, no thanks to Warrant). It’s small, it does what it needs to do, it can also be used on olives, and in May of this year I started regularly using it again when cherries came back into season.

Seeing as there is this totally useful, small device that has existed for hundreds of years to effectively remove pits from cherries, you can imagine my amazement (horror?) when I came across this monstrosity — the Leifheit 37200 Cherrymat Cherrystone Remover

Oh my goodness, this thing is huge. Unless you own an enormous bakery or restaurant, I don’t know why anyone would sacrifice so much storage space for a cherry pitter. It does the exact same thing as the smaller model — one at a time pit removal — at about the same speed but at more than double the price ($40). And it’s not alone, the Norpro Deluxe Cherry Pitter is almost as large. There is an entire market of giant cherry pit removers!

With any product you choose to keep in your home, you should ask yourself if it’s worth the storage space (and for a seasonal product like this, you have to consider at least nine months of storage each year without any use). Specifically, a giant cherry pitter is likely not worth it, especially when there is a significantly smaller product that does the exact same thing with the same amount of effort. Or, if you’re like me and don’t like cherries, owning the smaller cherry pitter might not even be worth the storage space. It’s good to think about the items you already own and about anything you are considering purchasing — do you need the Leifheit 37200 Cherrymat Cherrystone Remover when a less expensive and smaller handheld cherry pitter will completely meet your needs? You’ll have to make the call, but it’s something to consider. Your space, time, and money are limited — are you okay with making these tradeoffs in pursuit of the life you desire? Only you know the answer.

Unitasker Wednesday: Multicolor Ocean Wave Light Projector

All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

Do you like to dream you’re drowning and then wake up in a total panic because it actually looks and sounds like you are immersed in water? If so, I have the perfect thing for you! The Multicolor Ocean Wave Light Projector:

As for me, I don’t find the sensation of drowning to be “an enjoyable experience,” as the product description suggests. I also don’t find drowning to be “an atmosphere of calm.” The phrases I would use to describe the conditions of being under water would be “anxiety causing” and “unimaginably terrifying.” And the phrase I would use to describe the sounds of running water coming out of the device’s speakers would be “probably pee inducing.”