Archives for Humor
If you are a bit sad because you didn’t get your most sought after holiday gift, then you’re probably not alone. There is some hope for those of you who didn’t receive that new designer bag and that new LCD television. BagTV could fill two voids with one incredibly ridiculous product.
Yes, two products in one amazing combination. It isn’t really a unitasker so I couldn’t include it in that category. BagTV will have to stand alone in all its glory. It is a multi-tasking product of excess.
From the product description:
Bagtv is a totally new concept in bag design, combining bespoke luxury bags with high tech electronic equipment.
The first in a range of new products, is a beautifully crafted ladies hand-bag, which comes in a range of cool colours, leathers, and fabrics, integrated with a high quality 7in TVscreen combining, DVD, and Mpeg player.
The screen sits behind a protective transparent shield and enables the owner to literally watch Films/Videos either on DVD or downloaded to the bag.
The system comes with full connectivity for use with computers or digital cameras through USB port and SD card slot, allowing the playing of scrolling photos on the bag.
Use on the move, on the way to and from work, for holidays, on trains or in the car.
Use at night in bars, and clubs to show off your latest photos, or favourite videos.
The smart light weight battery system, allows the player to play up to 2.5 hours, movies, video, photos before re-charging.
It comes equipped with its own re-charger unit for use with the mains or in car, together audio/video cables for connectivity with TV .
All in all, bagtv is the latest fashion statement, and doubles as a really useful bit of kit for the ladies to rival their boys toys!
Sorry, gentlemen, this item appears to be just for the ladies — you’ll have to use your small, longer battery life iPhone as an alternative.
(via Red Ferret)
Photo courtesy BagTV.
The boxes are available in a set of six or individually through the Onion’s online store. While these are obviously fake products, they aren’t that far out of the realm of some of the unitaskers we have featured here over the past year and a half.
Use your head and stay organized! The Visorganizer is a revolutionary carrying case for everything you need to make it through your busy day whether you’re a pro golfer, a retired ship builder, a club DJ, or a busy mom on the go. And it clips on the front of your favorite hat. Pack it with up to 7 lbs. If it has a visor, it needs a Visorganizer!
I wonder how long it will take someone to actually invent a saleable Visorganizer?
It’s the holiday season, and we all need a little smile. Similar to our Unitasker Wednesday posts, we don’t want you to buy these items. We simply want you to have fun reading about all the awful gifts of clutter you wouldn’t really want to give this year.
Stumped on what to buy your favorite co-worker or loved one? Consider giving the gift of clutter!
Small Kitchen Appliances
Your mother-in-law hates coffee? No matter. Buy her an espresso maker anyway. Get the deluxe version equipped with steamer and grinder. It’ll take up lots of counter space and you can use it when you visit. Heck, buy her two!
If you really want to yank the chain of the minimalist in your life, buy knick knack gifts. These small shelf stuffers fit any budget. You can get a $1 replica of the Statue of Liberty. Inexpensive gifts not your style? Consider the pricey gem-studded Hello Kitty figurine for $163,000.00. (image from boredbored.com)
Arcade-Style Video Games
Who needs Rock Band when you can go retro and deliver a full size, 300-pound Ms. Pac-man to an eager child or adult? Cram it into the living room of a tiny studio appartment for easy entertainment. A fun and educational experience on the history of video games can be had by all.
Who says you can’t impose your own artistic tastes onto others? Let’s face it, some people in your life need your artful guidance. At big box stores, garage sales, or art galleries, look for bizarre sculptures, abstract paintings, or anything that would leave the recipient asking: “What is it?”
A Pile of Boulders
For your suburbia-dwelling friends, don’t forget the garden. Call your local rock quarry and have a truck dump off a pile of rocks on your friend’s driveway. They’ll have hours of fun trying to pick up the boulders, one-by-one, and finding the perfect garden spot for each to occupy.
Hard-to-Use Electronic Equipment
For the technically challenged on your list, give the gift of complex electronics that will end up tucked away on a garage shelf. Universal remotes that require setup on a computer and web access are an option. Challenge the recipient to sit with the manual until he or she figures out how to program it.
In his post Too many flower vases, Matt asked: “So what can I do with all of these vases?” There is no need to get rid of them when you can let them collect dust in a cabinet! Add to your friends and family members’ collections with a giant vase to obstruct the entrance through any front door.
Really, the possibilities are endless when it comes to lovely clutter gifts. Large, small, expensive, cheap — clutter gifts span the world over and can easily provide a lifetime of dust, maintenance, and storage fees for your most treasured friends.
What is the most outrageous clutter gift you’ve ever received? Let us know about it in the comments.
This installment of the Unclutterer Gift Giving Guide explores the not-yet-invented or completely outrageous gifts that would make our readers’ lives more organized. We asked our Twitter followers what they would put on their dream holiday wishlists, and these were some of the fun responses:
Universal power cord
This cord would work with every electrical object. Need to power your laptop, cell phone, television, sewing machine, dryer, iPod, or oven? All you need to do is grab the universal power cord!
The perfect laptop bag
The perfect laptop bag has a pocket for everything you need to carry with you, has a comfortable shoulder strap, is made to last, is professional in appearance, and doesn’t scream I’M CARRYING A LAPTOP FOR YOU TO STEAL. This bag is so perfect that you want to name your pets after it. We have found many bags that come close to meeting these requirements, but none that are perfect.
A magic wand
The magic wand empowers its user to clean and organize his or her home and office by simply waving it near disorder. If it actually existed, I would also want for it to make a pleasant chime when in use.
A full-time cleaning staff
The benefit of having someone clean up after you make a mess was at the top of many Unclutterer readers’ lists. Unfortunately, a full-time cleaning staff comes with a very hefty price tag. A cleaning robot might be more affordable.
Food tracking software
As far as we know, this exact product does not yet exist. The reader who mentioned it said that the software should have a bar scanner that reads use by/expiration information off a product, enters that data into a database, cross-references the food item to recipes in your collection, and then tells you when to use the food. I think this software should also notify you when to preheat your oven and how long any leftovers might be good for using.
What not-yet-invented or completely outrageous organizing gift is at the top of your wishlist? Tell us about it in the comments!
P.S. If you are an inventor/programmer/industrial designer and would like to create any of the items listed above, we would really appreciate your efforts.
I’m always on the lookout for reasons to laugh, and Ali Hale recently came to my rescue over on the blog Dumb Little Man. Her article “10 Ways to Create a Work Environment That Drags You Down” was splendidly entertaining:
9. Keep it Shabby. Make sure your workplace environment looks as run-down and shabby as possible. Paint should be peeling off the walls, posters should be torn, and noticeboards should never be cleared. Don’t ever replace the carpet. And any pot-plants should be left unwatered for weeks – there’s nothing like dying plants to give your workplace a real air of gloom and decay.
Well played, Ali.
If you were to add to the list, what items would you put on it? I would add a frustrating parking situation to the mix. Having to fight for parking in a lot blocks away from your office building is truly a great way to begin your day.
Photo credit: hoyasmeg
I warned about Rock Band clutter last year and Erin provided a possible solution to keeping Rock Band accessories in order, but neither of us could have foreseen such an incredibly ridiculous add-on to the Rock Band “experience.” The new add-ons for Rock Band 2 are a smoke machine and a strobe light. The Stage Kit from Performance Designed Products (PDP) is $99. The release date is November 2008, which makes it perfect timing to clutter up your holiday season!
I’m not exactly sure what the Stage Kit will do for improving your game play (won’t it decrease visibility of the TV screen?), but it may increase your need to hire a Rock Band roadie. The roadie could carry all your Rock Band peripherals along with your new Stage Kit. He or she could even set up your Premium Drum Set.
Check out Crave for more information and a cringe inducing video for the Stage Kit.
Reader Shalin passed along this gem from NPR. It’s a “break up” letter from a suburban woman with The Container Store. It’s less than two minutes, and worth it for the smile it will bring to your face. Enjoy this light-hearted musing:
“Dear Container Store, I Almost Loved You”
My favorite line: “I admit, I was checking you out. There was something seductive about all that sparkling acrylic.”
Wondering what to do with all of your old CDs? Wonder no longer!
In the past, I’ve seen old CDs repurposed as coasters, artwork, and Christmas tree decorations. What clutter-busting solutions have you found for your old CDs?
Image from Make:, and thanks to reader Katherine for bringing this to our attention.
I have mentioned many times before that organization and tidiness are not natural instincts for me. I spent years learning how to live an uncluttered existence, and most of those lessons are what go into my Unclutterer content.
Unfortunately, I inflicted my disorganization on many roommates and family members before I changed my ways. I was thinking recently about how awful it must have been to have lived with me. Yikes!!
For today’s post, then, I want to write a few (humorous) apology letters to all of those I wronged with my disorganized ways. Please feel welcome to add your lighthearted apology letters in the comments. We can get all of the guilt off our chests in one giant outpouring!
I’m sorry that I couldn’t figure out how to use hangers or the dirty clothes hamper when I was a teenager. Also, I’m not sure what my motivation was to change clothes three to four times a day, but I’m glad you didn’t throw me out of the house over it.
P.S. Please apologize to the cleaning lady who discovered the two-year-old apple core under my bed while I was at Girl Scout Camp in the sixth grade.
Dear Jennifer and Libby,
You two were fantastic college roommates and I was abysmal. Sorry, Jennifer, about leaving that glass of rotting milk under your bed. You showed complete restraint by not kicking my arse when you found it.
And Libby, my apologies for never washing my dishes and often leaving dirty pans on the stove. I can see now why you had a problem with this. Ewwww. Thank you for not smacking a pan upside my head.
Oh, and I’m sorry to both of you for having an awful boyfriend during this time period. I am grateful for Jennifer’s advice to break up with him for Lent, and I will forever be grateful for this suggestion.
I hope you two are doing well!
Dear Angie and Lori,
Pretty much repeat what I just wrote to Jennifer and Libby, but substitute Lori for Jennifer, Angie for Libby, and awful boyfriend for well, another awful boyfriend.
Readers e-mail us some, uh, er, um, interesting questions. I’ve been collecting them, and I decided to do a whimsical question and answer column for today filled with my best attempts at responses. Feel welcome to play along and provide answers to any questions that interest you in the comments:
After organizing/minimalising/unclutterring a space, is it okay to write a poem about it if you are so inspired?
Sure. Why not?! If you feel inspired to write a poem, write a poem! Here, I’ll give it a whirl …
(A Humorous) Ode to Order
By Erin Rooney Doland
I love it when it’s clean in here
I love it when the counter is clear
I love to have my friends stop by
and not once have to apologize
Oh how I love my newly organized space
A place for everything, and everything in its place
Do you watch tv? What shows?
I love pop culture. I have a TV and a DVR, and I watch most of my shows in clumps on Saturday mornings and Wednesday evenings — and some mostly in fast forward (Project Runway, Top Chef). The following shows are programed to record into my DVR, but not all of them are currently in season: Burn Notice, Chuck, Closer, CSI: Las Vegas, Dirty Sexy Money, Eli Stone, Eureka, Heroes, How I Met Your Mother, In Plain Sight, Law and Order, Life, The Middle Man, Myth Busters, Project Runway, Psych, Pushing Daisies, and Top Chef.
If you could legally burn your house down and start over from scratch, would you?
One of Unclutterer’s programmers lost his house in a fire in June, and I know for certain I do not want to go through a similar experience. Please don’t burn my house down.
Are you married?
All of the Unclutterer staffers are married except for Intern Julia. And, Intern Julia would like everyone to know she has a boyfriend.
Is that really a picture of you in Ready Made?
Yes. Do I not look how you imagined? If you met me on the street, I’d likely be taller than you imagined, too.
Can you come and clean my house for me?
No, but I hear Merry Maids does a decent job with cleaning!
Seriously, if you’re looking to hire a professional organizer, I highly recommend you use NAPO’s referral service to find one in your community.
Can you yell at my husband for me?
I try not to yell except at sporting events. Does your husband play for the Nationals? If he does, I yell at him all the time.
Do you like Martha Stewart?
I’ve never met Martha Stewart, so I don’t know if I like her. I typically enjoy her work, though, and I am in love with her book Martha Stewart’s Homekeeping Handbook: The Essential Guide to Caring for Everything in Your Home. I think it would be great to sit down and have a glass of wine with her. She has more experience in the home lifehack industry than any other human, and I know I could learn a great deal from her.
Why do you think you’re better than everyone else?
Really? Huh. Are you sure you’re reading Unclutterer.com? Because, honestly, trying to be better than everyone else would take a LOT of time and effort, and I just don’t have that sort of energy.
Can you please get rid of the cartoon at the top of the home page? He scares me.
The cartoon guy at the top of the page is staying. I have a crush on him. Around the Unclutterer offices, we call him Suck Face Man. I can’t tell if he’s inept and can’t figure out how to properly operate a vacuum, or if he’s so good at cleaning that he’s the only thing in the room left to clean? Have you seen the little guy hiding from Suck Face Man at the bottom of the page? I love him, too.
I got your contact regarding your trust worthy. I need assistance to transfer some money out of my country into your personal or company account. For your effort my family is willing to offer you Money for your expenses incurred. Can your help?
Your right, I trust worthy. You bad grammar spammer.
Today, a commenter made a response to Matt’s Plan out the week’s clothing on Sunday post that gave me a good laugh:
“I use the Seth Brundle method of not having many different work clothes, and they all pretty much go together (IMO). This works so well I often forget that Friday is casual day, because I just pick the next shirt and trousers without thinking.”
If you don’t immediately catch the Seth Brundle reference, check out the Wikipedia page on the subject. Brundle is the protagonist in the film The Fly and he “adopted a habit of Albert Einstein’s when he bought five identical sets of clothes so as not to waste mental energy deciding what to wear each day.”
My guess would be the following:
Male — Dress khakis, white button dress shirt, brown or black leather shoes with coordinating belt.
Female — Black slacks, white button dress shirt, black leather 1/2″ heels and coordinating belt.
Okay, there is nothing creative about either outfit I picked, but I think most people would be able to pull it off except for formal parties. Also, I’m not sure that most people would know that it’s a repeated uniform, unless they saw you regularly.
What do you think is the ideal uniform? I’m not suggesting you need one, this is just a fun thought experiment for a Thursday afternoon. Let me know what would be your suggestions for ideal uniforms in the comments!
Our apologies for this post coming in on a weird schedule. Ack! Some days, technology wins.
Honor students, America, political figures, and the environment are all subjects that are routinely displayed on a bumper sticker. I’ve never been one to display my political or social beliefs on a sticker on the back of my car, but it seems that many people enjoy displaying things on the bumper of their car. To each their own, but some drivers feel that they must wallpaper the back of their car with just about every conceivable sticker they can find. It turns out, that the over use of bumper stickers may have a correlation with incidents of “road rage.”
Dale Jewett, citing a Nature article in AutoWeek, writes about the possible correlation between bumper stickers and aggressive driving:
“The number of territory markers predicted road rage better than vehicle value, condition or any of the things that we normally associate with aggressive driving,” psychologist William Szlemko said. “What’s more, only the number of bumper stickers, and not their content, predicted road rage.”
I’m not sure of the merits of this study, but it sounds legitimate enough to me to keep bumper stickers in high numbers off the back of my car.
For more on the study behind the AutoWeek article, check out the Nature magazine article (registration required).