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Ask Unclutterer: My mother may be a hoarder

Reader Anonymous submitted the following to Ask Unclutterer:

I am hoping that you can give my brother and I some advice. Our mom is getting worse each year and refuses to believe she has a problem. In addition to her bringing other people’s garbage into the house, she also has a number of cats who use the house as one large litter box. When my brother and I attempt to clean, she yells and screams, and takes the rubbish back in when we put it out for the garbage truck. Unless we physically rent a truck to take it to the dump ourselves, it never leaves the house. We are so worried because it’s getting worse and she is approaching 70 and are at our wit’s end. She won’t go to counseling and when we clean anything it just gets disgusting again. There is food rotting as she doesn’t have a working fridge anymore and when she buys food she forgets about it and it gets compacted with stuff she puts on top of it. The piles of garbage are growing and we can barely get the front door open now. We have threatened not to come and visit and she said fine don’t. Nothing seems to work or get through to her. What can we do as we don’t want to see her die in this. Please, can you help us? Please don’t publish my name.

Only a doctor can give an official diagnosis as someone being a hoarder, but, since your mother is refusing to seek treatment at this point, that diagnosis is going to be difficult to acquire. I think that you will be okay if you function under the assumption that she is one, however, as it definitely won’t hurt her or you if you do.

Hoarding is a psychological illness. Your mother is not a bad person or a bad homemaker, she’s suffering from a mental health condition similar to obsessive-compulsive disorder or clinical depression. As much as she doesn’t want treatment for her condition, she desperately needs it. You and your brother can clean her house a million times, but it will always return to its current state if she does not get the medical care she needs. Cleaning her house against her will might also lead to her cutting off communication with you — and that is not something you want to happen. Keeping the lines open with your mother is extremely important.

Start by learning as much as you can about hoarding. There are many resources available to those who love and care about people who suffer from this condition. The Children of Hoarders website may be specifically helpful to you, and I recommend checking out their resources section.

Unless you believe your mother is endangering herself or others, you cannot force help upon her or commit her against her will to a mental health facility. Nagging, negative and judgmental statements, and disrespecting her stuff will only exacerbate her hoarding behavior. Learn as much as you can about her condition, be supportive and encouraging, and find non-threatening ways to encourage her to seek help. Best case scenario: She decides to seek treatment and finds a healthy way to live with her condition in a safe home environment.

Thank you, Anonymous, for submitting your question for our Ask Unclutterer column. My thoughts are with you and your family. It is admirable that you and your brother are worried and care so much about your mother.

Do you have a question relating to organizing, cleaning, home and office projects, productivity, or any problems you think the Unclutterer team could help you solve? To submit your questions to Ask Unclutterer, go to our contact page and type your question in the content field. Please list the subject of your e-mail as “Ask Unclutterer.” If you feel comfortable sharing images of the spaces that trouble you, let us know about them. The more information we have about your specific issue, the better.

Posted by Erin on Feb 5, 2010 | 26 Comments | Tweet This

Ask Unclutterer: Messy mail

Reader Sandra submitted the following to Ask Unclutterer:

Could you please do an article on how to keep mail organized? I considered myself pretty much clear of clutter, except for my mail. It’s driving me crazy. Even thought I toss everyday the junk, some how I have not been able to follow a good system to get rid off my mail clutter on my desk (these are payed bills, insurance stuff, etc). Now it’s taking over my son’s desk. Please help. Love your blog!

Sandra, I love your question!

I want to start by saying that I have every system imaginable in place to handle mail — and there are still times when it all falls apart and I find mail on my dining room table. It’s the constant incoming stream that makes it such a difficult issue for the home. I hope that the following advice, however, keeps these breakdowns in your system less severe and less frequent.

First, start by reducing the amount of mail that comes into your home. Sign up for services like Precycle (formerly GreenDimes and Mailstopper), which stop junk mail before it ever arrives at your door. Try to get as many utility and monthly bills as possible switched to automatic electronic payment. If mail doesn’t come in, it can’t pile up on any desk.

Second, create and use a mail processing station near the door where you get your mail. It should include a trash can, shredder, recycling bin, and pen/pencil. Each day when you come inside with the mail, immediately shred any items that include personal information that might be tempting to identity thieves (a few seconds of shredding can prevent weeks/months/years of fighting legal battles). Toss into the recycling bin any junk mail and mail you only needed to read once (announcements, etc.). And throw into the trash anything that can’t be recycled.

On the items that still remain, write actions on back of envelopes (Pay by 2/10, Complete and return by 2/05, File in Tax Forms folder) and disposal dates on the fronts of catalogs and magazines (Read before 3/1/2010). Nothing should come into your home that doesn’t have a specific to-do note appearing on it somewhere.

Third, since you live with other people, you will also want to have mailboxes of some kind for the other people in your home. These can be cubbies, pockets, baskets, or even file folders. If the mail isn’t for you, you need a place to store their correspondence so they can easily find it and process it themselves.

Fourth, once you’ve put away all of your other items and set things so that they’re ready for the next time you leave (keys on a hook, coat hung in closet, lunch bag out of briefcase), pick up your mail and head straight to your office. Immediately schedule to-do items on your calendar. Store magazines and catalogs in a place where you will read them before their disposal date. File documents that need to be filed, and take care of any action items that can be completed in less than two minutes. Treat your mail the same way you handle your other work.

This routine might take you five minutes from start to finish, but handling your mail in this way will keep you from turning your son’s desk into a mess. Remember that everything in your home needs a place to live — and that includes each piece of your mail.

Thank you, Sandra, for submitting your question for our Ask Unclutterer column.

Posted by Erin on Jan 29, 2010 | 32 Comments | Tweet This

Ask Unclutterer: Processing the possessions of someone who has passed

Reader John submitted the following to Ask Unclutterer:

So my father recently passed away … Mom has been busy taking care of dad for the last 2 years (and in some ways 43 years) and now has a house in disarray that needs work and help. Dad had plenty of things that will need to go and I am being enlisted to do a lot of the heavy lifting.

I am concerned that mom is going to be overwhelmed and I want to make sure I do not push my opinions, etc., onto her.

Any help or advice you can give will be cherished.

John, please know that you have our condolences. We are very sorry for your loss.

Unfortunately, there isn’t a one-size-fits-all response for how to handle the possessions of someone who has passed away. This is why I recommend contacting a professional organizer who specializes in exactly these types of cases. An organizer can help identify what to keep, what to donate to charity, and how to handle the process so that it’s not emotionally overwhelming. They also have knowledge about your community and organizations that could use clothing, etc. Additionally, it’s nice to have a neutral third party present to be supportive and caring for your family’s needs at this time (especially since you don’t want to “push my opinions, etc., onto her”).

Interview a few organizers and choose the one who will work best for you and your mom. They likely will need your muscle strength, so plan to be a part of the activities.

Based on the worth of your father’s items, you might also want to bring in an appraiser. Now is not the time to make rash decisions. The more information you have, the less likely you’ll be to have regrets in years to come. Also, if the process goes well, it will help significantly with the grieving process.

If hiring a professional organizer and/or appraiser isn’t in the financial cards right now, I strongly recommend reading the book The Boomer Burden by Julie Hall. Julie has worked with many people in the same situation as you, and her book is full of valuable information and insights. I also recommend the book to anyone who is helping his or her parents downsize from a family home.

Thank you, John, for submitting your question for our Ask Unclutterer column.

Posted by Erin on Jan 22, 2010 | 36 Comments | Tweet This

Ask Unclutterer: Coat control

Reader Stacy submitted the following to Ask Unclutterer:

I live in Brooklyn on the top floor of a Brownstone and have NO coat closet, which is killing me this winter because our coats just end up all over the kitchen table. Do you have any ideas/suggestions for coat/hat/gloves/boot storage for a small apartment? Also, I’m broke. Thanks!

I’m sure you have figured out that the reason your coats, hats, and gloves are winding up on the dining table is because you don’t have another place for them to be stored when you’re home. You need to determine a location and create a space for these items to live, and it should be near the main entrance of your apartment.

You can repurpose a decorative container you already own to hold hats and gloves. Wrap a cardboard box in decorative contact paper that matches your decor if you don’t already own something that will work.

You have many options for coat storage, but probably the easiest is to install hooks near your front door. For just $1.66, you can relive your elementary school days with these simple Coat and Hat Hooks:

If you can’t put screws in your apartment’s walls, consider an over-the-door hanger for less than $13:

As far as boots are concerned, get an inexpensive tray from your local home supply store and leave your boots out to dry on it. Since you live on the top floor of your building, you could even leave the boot tray out in the hallway. Your shoes are probably at little to no risk of being stolen, and it will keep their dampness and mess out of your place.

Thank you, Stacy, for submitting your question for our Ask Unclutterer column. I hope this advice helps in some way!

Posted by Erin on Jan 15, 2010 | 20 Comments | Tweet This

Ask Unclutterer: Is cozy a euphemism for cluttered?

Reader Beth submitted the following to Ask Unclutterer:

Can a “cozy” space be uncluttered without being just a synonym for comfortable? I hear “cozy” used sometimes as a polite way of saying cluttered, but also as a way of describing an uncluttered space as feeling warm and inviting as opposed to “cold and lifeless”…

What say you?

Where I live, euphemisms like these abound. “Charming” usually means a place is in need of repair and “cozy” means a space is extremely small. If a home is cluttered, the euphemisms are typically “eclectic” or “shabby chic.” My guess is that these phrases hold different meanings in different parts of the country, but I get the intent of what you’re asking.

More to the point, a dwelling doesn’t have to be sterile to be uncluttered. The ascetic, minimalist style works well for museums, but most people aren’t comfortable with this look in their homes. They feel at home when there are signs of life, a bit of reflection of their personalities, and something that delineates they aren’t their neighbors.

An unclutterer is someone who gets rid of the distractions that get in the way of a remarkable life. Therefore, clutter (a distraction) has a subjective definition. In my home, flower vases are clutter because I never have fresh flowers on display (my cats think flowers are tasty, tasty snacks). In the home of a florist, however, vases are likely used daily and not a distraction.

I prefer clean lines, and all I want out on display are the few items that bring me great joy. I don’t want baubles or knick knacks to obstruct my line of vision of these important pieces. I’m also pretty sure most people find my home to be a bit formal. Other unclutterers might be okay with more than two items out on display in a room. One definition of uncluttered isn’t better than another, it’s just a better definition for you.

Style your space the way that brings you the greatest joy, the least stress and distractions, and reflects the remarkable life you desire. Get rid of what you believe is cluttering up your space, thoughts, and time. Don’t worry about what anyone else thinks. Let them use euphemisms like “cozy” to describe your home — their word choice doesn’t determine how you feel in your space.

Thank you, Beth, for submitting your question for our Ask Unclutterer column. I hope I got to the point of your question.

Posted by Erin on Jan 8, 2010 | 29 Comments | Tweet This

Ask Unclutterer: Specific donation locations

Reader Kristin submitted the following to Ask Unclutterer:

Loved your response to Miriam [last week] and how you focused on keeping things in perspective. Now, you mentioned taking old towels and linens to an animal shelter. Great idea! Do you have any other ideas for where to donate hard to place clutter items that still have some use left in them? Thanks a bunch!

A great question, and one that many people posed to me this week. Below are types of organizations I’ve had luck with in the past for very specific donations. As with all donations, be sure to call ahead to make sure that the group actually needs what you wish to give. Also, beware of getting caught up in getting specific items to specific agencies as a procrastination tactic. Follow your instincts, but get the items out of your home.

As I wrote last week, animal shelters very often need lightly used linens (towels, sheets). They use them for soft sleeping surfaces, bathing, and general mess cleanup.
Women’s shelters often need children’s toys and books, diapers, and female business attire. Shelters here also accept half-used bottles of shampoo and conditioner you became bored with half-way through the large container.
Hospitals and doctors offices may want your old (but from the past year) magazines for their waiting rooms.
Our local prison constantly requests academic books (great for those books the university didn’t buy back at the end of the semester and you lugged with you on many moves) and reference books.
Half-way houses and men’s homeless shelters are usually in need of men’s business attire and winter coats in cooler climates.
Groups that build homes (like Habitat for Humanity) need power and hand tools and unused supplies (still-in-their-original-package screws, nails, etc.).
Kitchen storage containers (like good condition Tupperware and Rubbermaid containers, not old margarine tubs) are often accepted by groups that provide meals to the needy (like Meals on Wheels).

By no means is this list complete. I hope that readers continue to add ideas in the comments. I’m sure we can create quite a wonderful collection of suggestions.

Thank you, Kristin, for submitting your question for our Ask Unclutterer column.

Posted by Erin on Dec 18, 2009 | 37 Comments | Tweet This

Ask Unclutterer: Drowning in clutter

Reader Miriam submitted the following to Ask Unclutterer:

I’m overwhelmed by everything at work and at home. Have you ever gone swimming in the ocean and you look back at the shore and realize you went farther than you meant to go? The shore is sanity and I’m no where near it. There is clutter everywhere and my kids, my husband, and my colleagues at work don’t appear to see it. Help me, Unclutterer!

Miriam, my heart goes out to you and your situation. I’ve never swam in the ocean, but I know the feelings of anxiety you’re experiencing. I’ve been there, and I know that many of our readers have too — and some may also feel exactly like you.

The first thing to do is to take a moment for yourself and relax. Go on a walk around your neighborhood or find a quiet space and sit in silence for a few minutes. Take deep breaths and reflect on the positive aspects of your work and home. What are the things that make you happy? Underneath all the clutter and stuff, what in your life is most important to you?

After the rush of anxiety has subsided, you should make a plan. This plan will help you to feel less stress about your environment in the future. Make a list of specific areas of your life you would like to be less cluttered. Be detailed with the items on your list: “Sort through the towels and sheets in the linen closet; take to the animal shelter any that are damaged or unwanted.” “Spend 15 minutes a day filing or processing papers from inbox on desk.”

Once you’ve made a list, pull out your calendar and schedule every item. When you schedule the items, I recommend your first project be something small (nothing larger than a closet) and an area that you encounter every day. This way, your early success will help to motivate you to continue to get clutter removed from more difficult areas.

The harsh reality in all of this is that you cannot force another adult to be an unclutterer. You can guide children and give them chores, but you can’t do this for spouses and work colleagues. Take care of the clutter that directly affects you and that you can address, and stop worrying about the other stuff. You have no control of the other stuff and you’ll become a permanent anxious mess if you continue to let it get to you. On the positive side, though, your uncluttering will hopefully be inspiring to those around you and motivate them to join you in your endeavors. Feel comfortable calmly talking about your uncluttering efforts with others and sharing with them your successes. Also, seek out the assistance of a tidy friend or professional organizer if working with someone else will help you to achieve your goals.

As you’re working, focus on the reasons you’re going through the uncluttering process. When you’re finished, you’ll have more time, energy, and space to pursue the remarkable life you desire. You deserve to be free from the anxiety that is currently ruling your life. Good luck, and know that this type of change is possible. All of us are cheering for you!

Thank you, Miriam, for submitting your question for our Ask Unclutterer column.

Posted by Erin on Dec 11, 2009 | 22 Comments | Tweet This

Ask Unclutterer: Keeping cardboard boxes?

Reader Douglas submitted the following to Ask Unclutterer:

I had a quick question about boxes. How long do you recommend I hold on to old boxes for things like TVs and computers? I have some big boxes, I’ve kept just in case I have to return the items. I’m not sure if it’s actually necessary for me to keep them though, because they take up a lot of space.

This is one of those questions that I answer so often that I thought I had already used it for an Ask Unclutterer topic. Apparently, I haven’t.

Most electronics purchased from major retailers have a 30 or 45 day maximum return policy for those instances when you simply decide you no longer want the item. This date is always printed on the receipt, which you’ll also want to hold on to if you are seriously considering returning the item. So, for items you think you may not want to keep, it is reasonable to hold onto the box for that amount of time.

In all other circumstances, I only recommend keeping the box IF:

You plan to sell the item in less than three years after its date of purchase, and
The original packaging improves the price of the product when you sell it.

For example, I sell my laptops on eBay when I upgrade to a newer model. After tracking laptop sales on eBay for many months, I found that people will pay a little more for the product if it still has its original packaging. So, I keep my laptop boxes to ship them in to the new owner. Granted, the boxes that laptops come in are relatively small and, since I only have one computer at a time, our storage space isn’t overrun with cardboard boxes.

If your situation does not meet both of the qualifying statements above, then you should recycle the boxes immediately or right after the 30 or 45 day return deadline. Keeping lots of cardboard in the house is an awful fire risk and it wastes a significant amount of storage space. There is also no need to keep the packaging because if the product is a lemon or has some other manufacturing defect, you don’t need the original packaging to return it. Additionally, if you move, you can wrap your electronics in towels or bubble wrap surrounded by packing peanuts and put them into traditional cardboard boxes.

Thank you, Douglas, for submitting your question for our Ask Unclutterer column.

Posted by Erin on Dec 4, 2009 | 71 Comments | Tweet This

Ask Unclutterer: Not yet dirty clothes

Reader Susan submitted the following to Ask Unclutterer:

OK, this may be a strange question, but it’s one I have not seen addressed anywhere: Where do you put clothes you’ve worn for a short time that are NOT dirty enough to go into the laundry basket or to the dry cleaner’s? I am talking sweaters, blouses, pants, etc. — not underwear.

For instance, I might put on a top & pants for a couple of hours to go to a luncheon, but when I get home I am not going to put those items in the wash (unless I spilled something on them, or they got sweaty due to hot weather, etc.) because they’re still essentially clean, and I can easily wear them again “as is” — but I won’t put them into the drawer or closet with other TOTALLY clean (freshly washed or cleaned) items, because that is an invitation to moth damage, among other things.

In an average week, I might wear several different tops and pairs of pants, but not long enough for any of them to get “dirty” or smelly or sweaty.

My family had no system for dealing with this when I was growing up — we just tended to toss stuff onto a coat-rack in each bedroom, which was far from ideal. For me now, when I take off a piece of “hardly worn” clothing, it gets placed into a neat pile on a chair or ottoman in the bedroom, & then I pull the item out again when I want to wear it. But there must be a better way, and I would love to hear suggestions!

Oh Susan, you have asked such a great question. I think that all of us deal with this issue from time-to-time. Let me start by explaining what it is that I do, and then I hope that others will jump in the comments section and describe how they solve this problem in their homes.

In my closet, I have a Skubb Organizer from Ikea. I have five of the Skubb Drawers in each of the shelves that hold various things (scarves, purses, pajamas, and sweats). The top drawer is labeled for things “Not Yet Dirty.”

You could easily use a dresser drawer in the same way. Once a week, I check the drawer to make sure that something hasn’t gone sour in there. Otherwise, it’s a fairly straightforward system.

Thank you, Susan, for submitting your question for our Ask Unclutterer column.

Posted by Erin on Nov 20, 2009 | 89 Comments | Tweet This

Ask Unclutterer: Working with a messy colleague

Reader Laura submitted the following to Ask Unclutterer:

I know that several people have asked about living with a messy person but I have a question about working with one. I work in a fast paced coffee shop as an assistant manager with my direct boss that is completely disorganized. As a tidy person, I understand the benefits of cleaning and clearing on a daily basis, especially with paper work. She, however, seems so stressed out that everything gets lost. I am constantly amazed when she can meet a deadline because she is so all over the place. This work environment is starting to stress me out and break down our communication! How do I handle this, noting that it can be a tense work relationship? Is this something
that I should just get over and deal with?

Every employee brings something different to a business. In fact, the more diverse the employees at a company, the better the company is at responding to its needs. What your colleague lacks in organizing skills, she might make up for in people or management skills. For instance, I am bad at brainstorming, but amazing at follow through. If you want something to get done, you come to me. If you want someone to generate the next multi-million dollar idea, you talk to somebody else. You’re likely in the position you are at your company because your boss sees your organizing skills as highly valuable and complimentary to her skills. You have something she lacks, and she needs your organizing talents to do her job well.

Instead of being frustrated about her lack of skills, find ways to help her develop her organizing skills. Start by asking her if she wants some help in a nice, friendly “I genuinely want to help” manner. If she does, work together to find ways you might be able to streamline parts of her job to make things easier on both of you. If she doesn’t want your help, try your best to lead by example and maybe she’ll eventually change her mind. You can’t force her to become organized, but it never hurts to politely ask someone if they could use some help.

I’ve been the extremely disorganized employee in the past, and I would have loved for someone to have offered me help. I constantly felt like I was underwater and that I was letting down my co-workers. Your boss might feel the same way, and giving her a helping hand will likely make things better for her, you, and everyone else at your coffee shop.

Thank you, Laura, for submitting your question for our Ask Unclutterer column. Good luck!

Posted by Erin on Nov 13, 2009 | 20 Comments | Tweet This

Ask Unclutterer: Selling something with an unknown value

Reader Allison submitted the following to Ask Unclutterer:

This question may be slightly outside the range of uncluttering, but I thought I’d give it a shot. I have a wooden chair that was designed around (his picture is painted on it) and autographed by a well-known rock musician. It’s a really cool piece, but having a piece of furniture I don’t use seems really silly to me now.

I purchased it at a charity auction several years ago. I am curious about trying to sell it. The problem I have is that I can no longer find the certificate of authenticity. I suspect I didn’t keep it as I didn’t think I would ever EVER want to get rid of the chair. I paid a fairly significant price and if I sell it, I would at least like to break even. Do you have any suggestions for how to go about selling such an item? I’m concerned that people won’t pay much without some guarantee that it’s authentic.

The charity that sponsored the auction seems to no longer exist, but I am still trying to make a few calls.

Thanks for any advice you can provide!

Allison, your question is a lot of fun — and its answer is relevant to more people than you might imagine.

Irrespective of if you have the paperwork or get in touch with someone from the original auction house, you should take the chair to an appraiser who can check it out and let you know it’s worth. If you don’t know an appraiser, I recommend checking out the American Society of Appraisers website’s Find an Appraiser search tool. Even if you aren’t in the US, they have resources beyond our borders.

Contacting a reputable appraiser is always a good idea. Many Unclutterer readers contact me about being responsible for sorting through a loved one’s things after a death and wonder how to handle the estate. The first thing to do, before neighbors and siblings and extended family members start loading things into a truck, is to have an appraiser come in and talk to you about what is there. Appraisers are good people to know.

Thank you, Allison, for submitting your question for our Ask Unclutterer column. I hope that you are successful in getting rid of your chair for a fair price. Also, I hope that in the future, you keep your hands on the paper documentation because the paperwork often improves the amount you can get for something and helps when having an object’s value determined for insurance coverage.

Posted by Erin on Nov 6, 2009 | 13 Comments | Tweet This

Ask Unclutterer: CD storage

Reader Christy submitted the following to Ask Unclutterer:

I use iTunes and have burned all my CDs to iTunes. I also have a huge box in my basement of all the hardcopy CDs.

Is there any reason I would need to keep them (computer crash or something), or am I safe to start giving them away?

Christy, the idealist in me says that if you have burned all of your CDs in a lossless format and you have your computer backed up to a secure online location, you should be fine getting rid of your physical CDs. However, the pragmatist in me has to admit that there is a box of CDs in my basement and I wouldn’t even do what I just suggested.

Also, from a legal standpoint, you aren’t supposed to have a digital copy of a CD without also having the physical copy.

I guess when it comes down to it, my official advice would be to simply get rid of the jewel cases (they can be recycled in most communities) and store all of your hardcopy CDs in a CD Notebook. If you do this, you won’t have to pay the fees to store all of your lossless music data online and you’ll cover your arse if the RIAA ever comes knocking at your door.

Thank you, Christy, for submitting your question for our Ask Unclutterer column.

Posted by Erin on Oct 30, 2009 | 58 Comments | Tweet This

Ask Unclutterer: Overflowing child’s closet

Reader Miriam submitted the following to Ask Unclutterer:

How do I get a handle on children’s clothing (shorts, school clothes, skirts, pants, capris, short sleeve shirts, long sleeve shirts, sweatshirts, sweaters…etc. etc)? I am awash in laundry with little closet space! And I’ve tried to think of it in terms of how many days of clothing (2 weeks) might be ideal yet am still overwhelmed (I’ve two girls who wear the same size!) … HELP!

I recommend starting this process by sorting your daughters’ clothing into warm and cool weather piles. Put all the summer-appropriate things in one pile, and the winter-appropriate things in another. You may also have a third pile for multiple-weather items, like jeans, socks, and underwear.

Assuming that your daughters are under 14, you can now get rid of all of the summer items and, if they’re in good shape, give them to charity. There is no way that your daughters will be wearing the same size next summer, so clear out these items permanently. If your daughters are high school age and have finished their growth spurt, sort the summer clothes into keep and purge piles. Put the keep items into pest-proof storage for the winter and, if they’re in good shape, pass the purge items onto charity.

Once you have the summer clothes out of the way, you will hopefully begin to feel a sense of relief and won’t be too overwhelmed with the rest of this process.

Next, immediately purge any items that are ill-fitting, damaged, or out-of-style. (Your daughters will be able to tell you what’s “not cool” in their closets, even if they’re as young as kindergarten.)

After this, look at what is left and decide if you need to continue. If you need to keep cutting clutter out of their closets, I recommend sorting by purpose — your kids might have school clothes, dress-up clothes, play in the mud clothes, and uniforms for clubs or teams. Once these purpose piles are created, bring each down to a manageable size. As you suggested in your question, two weeks worth of school clothes sounds like a good idea to me. Each girl probably doesn’t need more than three or four dress-up outfits, one or two play-in-the-mud pieces, and, if applicable, just one or two uniforms per club or team. Look at your family’s schedule, though, to get these numbers right for your needs.

Finally, it may be time to have your daughters start to do their own laundry. By fifth or sixth grade, children can be responsible for taking care of their wardrobe. If you can teach them how to take care of their things, you won’t be swimming in laundry any longer. Good luck!

Thank you, Miriam, for submitting your question for our Ask Unclutterer column.

Posted by Erin on Oct 23, 2009 | 27 Comments | Tweet This

Ask Unclutterer: Overwhelmed with clutter

Reader Jennifer submitted the following to Ask Unclutterer:

What is your advice for a seriously organizationally challenged family?

Our house looks like it should be on one of those messy house shows, the kids homework is all over, the daddy (coaches the boys baseball team) lost a check for $500 from a new baseball family, and the mommy (me) is just a hot mess.

I’ve ordered your book but I don’t know if our family can wait until November at this point.

My daughter’s birthday is in two days and I’ll have grandparents in my house doing that heavy sigh “at least they seem happy” thing … I guess I am looking for a band aid before the transfusion that is your book.

Thanks for being here, wish I found you earlier.

Jennifer, let me start by suggesting that you find a comfortable chair, take a deep breath, and close your eyes for a few minutes. You deserve some calm before the whirlwind birthday adventure begins, so go ahead and take it now.

Next, remember that even the most organized people in the world feel anxiety before their parents and in-laws come to visit. It’s natural. I know I regularly freak out before they come.

This visit, however, is a great opportunity for you. Let all of the grandparents see the mess. Don’t hide it, don’t try to find a band aid, just let it shine in its glorious disorder. Let them get a solid understanding of your “before” status, like the television cameras capture on the organizing shows you referenced. This way, after you get your home organized in the coming weeks, they will truly appreciate all of the hard work you did. They will know how far you have come, and they will be in awe of your “after.”

If letting it all hang out is too much and you still want to grab a cardboard box and toss some things into it before the majority of the party guests arrive, do it. Just don’t let this box become a permanent solution. But, if it puts your mind at ease in the short term, I don’t see the harm in it. Get your daughter to help, too. If she’s old enough to have a birthday party, she’s old enough to help with an emergency clutter pick up.

Also, try not to focus on the stuff and instead focus on your daughter and the people who come for her party. Clutter or no clutter, the people in your life are worth more than the stuff.

Finally, between now and when the book arrives, think about why you want to get the clutter out of your life. What do you want to permanently focus on instead of the clutter? Figure out what matters most to you, and this will help you significantly when it comes time to purge the clutter from your life.

Good luck and have fun! Happy birthday, too, to your daughter. Thank you, Jennifer, for submitting your question for our Ask Unclutterer column.

Posted by Erin on Oct 16, 2009 | 34 Comments | Tweet This

Ask Unclutterer: Managing a wardrobe of many sizes

Reader Petra submitted the following to Ask Unclutterer:

Uncluttering is not a huge problem for me — with one exception: my wardrobe. I’m a stress-eater and easily gain weight, nevertheless I try to get rid of the extra kilos whenever possible. Those ups and downs expand sometimes over periods of a year.

My clothes are of high quality and just prime, timeless wear. Due to my weight problem I have every item needed in three to four different sizes. How can I unclutter this huge amount of clothes without the need to shop whenever my weight changes ? (Yes, I know I should do something about the weight problem permanently…) I would love to hear from you.

To begin, I want you to know that you are doing two things right already — your wardrobe is full of well-made and classic clothing. You will get many years of use from your clothing and won’t have to replace what you will ultimately decide to keep. You’re definitely on the right track.

Next, I recommend going through all of your sizes and identifying the pieces that look best on you at each size. You know these pieces because they make you feel good when you wear them, people compliment you when you wear them, and you never hesitate to put them on when they’re clean. These items should go into your keep pile.

If you still have some space in your closet, I recommend keeping your most classic pieces — for instance, a black suit that can be worn to a meeting, dressed up to attend a dinner party, and is also appropriate for a funeral. These extremely versatile, classic items will be fine to keep in all of your sizes. I call these items the basic wardrobe, and you should create one that best meets your needs.

Beyond these two types of clothes, you won’t really need much else. You may find, however, that you want to increase your accessories — scarves, jewelry, shoes, and drapey cardigans that can be worn at any size. Use these items to give color, spice, and a trend to the current to all of your outfits. Fortunately, (well, except for the shoes) these items are considerably easier to store.

Thank you, Petra, for submitting your question for our Ask Unclutterer column.

Posted by Erin on Oct 9, 2009 | 37 Comments | Tweet This

Ask Unclutterer: Partner’s messy desk

Reader Montse submitted the following to Ask Unclutterer:

I’ve been living with my boyfriend for 3 years now. We live in a flat, not very big. I’m really worried about his stuff. He is a computer technician and although he’s really tidy with the stuff that he stores in the computer (pictures, scanned documents, etc.) he’s not so organized with the things (clutter) that are all over his desk. He can’t toss any old item (hard disks, cables, routers, etc.), as he is able to fix them quite frequently. He has all of this stuff widespread on his desk. I do not know what to do and how to convince him to keep them organized.

I would like to buy him some plastic drawers to keep his stuff. If I do so it is to help him to put those thingies in a place. I even can help him labeling the drawers with a labelmaker (that indeed he gave to me as a gift). His stuff will be at least out of sight but still available on his desk. However, I know that this does not solve the problem. Once the drawers are full, he will conquer the desk again, as he has done with some of the drawers from the closet that I emptied for him. I did so in order to avoid seeing his stuff on the desk, but that drawer is full now. So, the problem is not buying more storage as the room is not very big (just 8 m2). I would like to know if you have any clue about what type of storage would be the ideal one for this kind of stuff, and also if you have any piece of advice on how to let his things go and how to keep this type of things organized.

I know many people will disagree with me on this, but I’m of the opinion that his desk is his domain. If he wants it to be messy while he’s working, he should be allowed to keep it messy. As long as no one except for the two of you are coming and going in your flat, a little mess on his desk is okay — especially when he’s using it.

When he’s not working or if you’re having guests over to your place, then you need to decide how much the mess truly bothers you. Constantly nagging him to clean up his space can create animosity in your relationship. Would the benefits you gain from his desk being clear in front of guests be worth the anger and frustration that he feels toward you for constantly bothering him about it? You’ll have to weigh both sides and determine which route to take.

Simply put, you can’t force someone to become organized. A person has to choose this way of living for himself. Have you talked to him about why you want his desk to be organized? Has he explained why he prefers it to be disorganized? Would he be okay with being messy sometimes but having a clean-up plan in place for when other people come into your space? Would you be okay with that? Talking about it will likely help you both to better understand how the other person feels.

If you can give a little and be okay with him having some mess on his desk while he’s working or just when the two of you are in the flat, then hopefully he’ll agree to cleaning up his desk when guests come to visit. The two of you can acquire a box or bins or large anti-static bags for his things that he can quickly put parts into and easily remove them when he’s ready to get back to work. He knows how best these things should be stored, so talk with him about what you can give him. Don’t just buy things without his input because it will make him feel like you don’t respect the repair work that he does.

I hope that the two of you find a solution that you both can live with. Good luck!

Thank you, Montse, for submitting your question for our Ask Unclutterer column.

Posted by Erin on Oct 2, 2009 | 33 Comments | Tweet This

Ask Unclutterer: Graduation garb

Reader Eri submitted the following to Ask Unclutterer:

As a recent graduate, I am stuck with a graduation gown that will definitely not be worn again (the school is changing the gown colors next year, so no luck in passing it on down). I also have my high school gown tucked away somewhere. What is the best approach to get rid of these things? Are there places that accepts gowns to remake new gowns or something else? I have found the tassel to be a small and simple ornament. And the hat? Not sure what to do with that either.

You have the traditional three options: sell it, recycle it, or throw it away.

To try and sell it, pair it with the hat and throw it up on eBay. In March or April you might find someone at a different school with the same colors who might need one on the cheap.

If you want to recycle it, I would suggest contacting a local preschool and asking if they want it. They could use it in their dress-up and imagination stashes. Local theaters might also have a need in their costume departments. If the fabric is of decent quality, you could cut it up and repurpose a little of it into a quilt or garment. Another idea might be to simply give it to a friend with kids who might enjoy using it for dress-up at home. Check out the comments for even more recycling ideas from our readers — they always have great ideas for repurposing items.

Finally, you could just throw it away. Take a photograph of it (if you don’t already have a picture of you wearing it during your graduation ceremony) and then put it in the trash. Most graduation gowns are made of extremely cheap fabric that will quickly decay.

Thank you, Eri, for submitting your question for our Ask Unclutterer column. Congratulations on your recent graduation!

Posted by Erin on Sep 25, 2009 | 42 Comments | Tweet This

Ask Unclutterer: What is clutter?

Reader Jennifer submitted the following to Ask Unclutterer:

Why do so many people seem to think that if something is small, it isn’t clutter? Is the clutter in most people’s houses composed of large items? Just what kinds of things do most people consider to be “clutter”?

My definition of clutter has nothing to do with size. Clutter is any distraction that gets in the way of a remarkable life. Clutter doesn’t have to be physical — you can have time clutter or mental clutter or even bad processes that qualify as clutter. I think most of us have had toxic relationships that have been clutter in our lives. Stuff definitely can be clutter, but it’s not the only form.

That being said, most physical clutter that I have encountered in people’s homes and offices is small stuff. Spaces just can’t hold a lot of big items. So, in terms of quantity, it’s the small stuff that takes the title.

One thing that is also important to distinguish is that clutter and disorganization aren’t the same thing. If an item is useful and used or is inspiring to you, it isn’t clutter. However, if that useful or inspiring item is without a proper storage place (a place for everything and everything in its place) then you will be distracted by it the same as if it were clutter. The lack of an organized solution is clutter, not the object.

Additionally, what constitutes clutter for one person isn’t necessarily clutter for someone else. And, people have different thresholds for how much clutter they can have to achieve their remarkable lives. I don’t organize or regularly unclutter my sock drawer, and I’m okay with that. To focus on what matters most to me in life, I don’t need to have a pristine sock drawer. I rarely wear socks, so I just don’t come into contact with this drawer much at all. A drawer full of hole-ridden socks in complete disarray, however, might drive someone else batty and waste a great deal of their time. We’re different, and that is magnificent.

I’m also interested in reading other people’s definitions of clutter, so I hope that this post receives many comments. Your question was thought provoking and a good one to ask. I believe that formulating your own definition of clutter can go a long way in helping get it under control. Thank you, Jennifer, for submitting your question for our Ask Unclutterer column.

Posted by Erin on Sep 18, 2009 | 31 Comments | Tweet This

Ask Unclutterer: Trinket overload

Reader Nick submitted the following to Ask Unclutterer:

My full name is Nicholas, and so ever since I was a little kid, my family has been buying me figurines of St. Nicholas, Santa Claus. Large Santas, small Santas, fragile Santas, expensive Santas, cheap Santas, and of course some ugly Santas.

When I moved out I managed to leave the majority of them at my parent’s house, but still have plenty.

How can I get rid of these things without offending my family?

When I was a child, I had intense phobias for tadpoles and frogs. The creek that ran through my grandparents’ farm was full of them, and my cousins thought my screams of horror upon encountering them were hysterical. So, up until recently, everyone in my family gave me frog stuff whenever they gave me gifts.

Like you, I didn’t want to offend anyone, so I kept all of the frog stuff. Which, of course, bred more frog stuff from people beyond my family. Friends would come over, see my collection of frogs, and then buy me frog things for gifts thinking I loved frogs.

This all ended abruptly when I got rid of the frogs.

My friends noticed immediately (since they’re in my house more often than my extended family members) and none of them has ever mentioned it or given me a frog since.

I openly told my family that I stopped collecting frogs and donated their years of gifts to my friend who is a biology teacher to display in her classroom. No one had any objections and I haven’t received a frog from any of them in years. I told them by showing them a “before” picture of my bathroom (where the frogs had been displayed) and then the “after” picture of my redecorated space.

In your situation, you could give your Santa Claus collection to someone who is obsessed with Christmas decorating or to a local store to use in a holiday window display. Take a picture of the collection in its new home so that your family can see that the gifts are still being loved by someone else.

I kept a few of my favorite frogs, but have them covertly displayed throughout the house so that they’re not obviously a collection to visitors. I also photographed the full collection before getting rid of it, so that I could remember who gave me what over the years. You could keep your favorite Santas in a small collection, too, and just bring them out at the holidays.

It’s the grand purge that seems to get people’s attention, however, and will let your family know that you’ve reached Santa Claus overload. Other people don’t want you to feel burdened by their gifts, so don’t worry about saying goodbye to something that is cluttering up your space. Also, get the Santas you left at your parents’ place out of their space — it’s never a good idea to make your clutter someone else’s responsibility.

Thank you, Nick, for submitting your question for our Ask Unclutterer column. Good luck to you on your Santa Claus purge! Also, check out the comments for more advice from our readers.

Posted by Erin on Sep 11, 2009 | 29 Comments | Tweet This

Ask Unclutterer: Too much storage space

Reader Marci submitted the following to Ask Unclutterer:

I am a fanatic unclutterer. Our kitchen is very organized. But we actually have too much storage space (tons and tons of drawers and cabinets). What should I do with these empty drawers?

My first instinct is to tell you to leave them empty. Think of them as Drawers of Possibility. At some point in the future you may take up a new cooking hobby or decide to use them for things not cooking related at all — and you’ll have the room to grow.

Have you wanted to learn to can your own vegetables? If you have, now you have the space to store the equipment. Have you wanted to learn to make amazing cakes like Duff on Ace of Cakes? Now you have space to store your supplies.

You could use them for paper files or get a puppy and store dog food in them. The possibilities are endless, and you will know what to use them for when those opportunities arise. Enjoy them as simply Drawers of Possibility in the present.

By the way, I am really envious of your situation. My two kitchen drawers are not cutting it right now. Also, check out the comments where readers will give you even more ideas for your storage space.

Thank you, Marci, for submitting your question for our Ask Unclutterer column.

Posted by Erin on Sep 4, 2009 | 32 Comments | Tweet This

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