Unitasker Wednesday: Twinkie Maker

All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

The first weekend of May each year is the Maryland Sheep and Wool Festival in Howard County, Maryland. For those of you who have not attended (probably most of you), it is similar to a state or county fair but with no cows, no pigs, and nothing carved out of butter. Almost all of the vendors are selling yarn, raw wool, farm supplies for caring for your flock of sheep, or food made out of lamb (which, is a little disturbing at first, but you get over it because lamb sausage tastes amazing). There are also 4-H style competitions regarding sheep breeding and herding and it is a wonderfully good time, seriously.

I have been to the Sheep and Wool Festival numerous times over the years and, although I claim my favorite part of my day is looking at some of the most beautiful yarns made in the US, it really isn’t my favorite part. Here’s a secret: my favorite thing about the Maryland Sheep and Wool Festival is eating a deep fat fried Twinkie.

I do not, as a general principle, eat Twinkies. They terrify me. I watched the time lapse video of a Twinkie never rotting and that sort of put an end to my desire to ever consume them or feed them to my kids. I like to eat food that eventually can go bad. Except, once a year, the siren call of the fried Twinkie beckons me — a Twinkie on a stick, dipped in sweet batter, deep fried, and then sprinkled with powdered sugar. I don’t know how, but it is truly delicious.

This week, an Unclutterer staff writer emailed me a picture of the Twinkie Maker and my temptation went into overdrive. I could MAKE MY OWN TWINKIES!

My homemade Twinkies wouldn’t have any preservatives and they could actually rot! I could make deep fried Twinkies at home whenever I wanted! I could …

And that is when the answer struck me.

The reason deep fried Twinkies taste so good is because of all the fat and preservatives and things that make it so horrible for me. A “healthy Twinkie” is not a Twinkie at all. It’s a thing wanting to be an actual Twinkie, a sub-par pathetic replica. It’s like tofu pretending to be meat or flax pretending to be an egg. The only way to enjoy a deep fried Twinkie is at the Festival, once a year, among beautiful yarn and barking border collies.

Alas, the Twinkie Maker is nothing but a unitasker in sheep’s clothing.

7 Comments for “Unitasker Wednesday: Twinkie Maker”

  1. posted by SueB of Blondin Blogs on

    oooh, this is probably the first time I peeked at the item and thought, “how cool is THAT …” because I immediately thought of individual cornbread rolls! sigh … I probably won’t go there, but continue to use my multifunctional muffin tins, though!

  2. posted by Ruth Hansell on

    I’m thinking outside the twinkie, here. I bet you could make corn dogs with this, using this. You could make pickle dogs, or Vienna sausage dogs, or tiny ears of corn from a can dogs.

    Even chocolate chip or almond roca dogs. The possibilities are frightening.

  3. posted by Lucky W on

    Yippee!! for the Maryland Sheep and Wool Festival. And anything Maryland. And border collies. And the occasional Twinkie. I see no need for this gadget, just like the little babycakes makers for cake pops or brownies or whatever.

  4. posted by Martha Carnahan on

    I LOVE the Maryland Sheep & Wool Festival and have been many times. My favorite part is the sheep-to-shawl contest. Oh, and the food…. (hmmmm, I may need to try a bite of a fried twinkie sometime, but it’s really not on my bucket list…)

    Thanks for the good memories!

  5. posted by Jacquie Tinch on

    What is a twinkie? In the machine it looks like a biscuit, but even a biscuit will go rotten unless it’s kept dry. And why would you want to deep fry biscuits anyway?

    But then I’ve never been able to understand why (or how) the Scots deep fry Mars bars (if you don’t have those in the USA, they are cocolate bars with a layered mousse and caramel filling).

  6. posted by Bren on

    To me the machine looks like a device for making sponge fingers. Now that’s something I could get behind. :-)

    What’s disturbing about lamb? It’s a pretty common type of meat after all.

  7. posted by Roxanne on

    Ha, funny to see this here. I gave one away at a white elephant gift exchange. I also received one as a gift, as well as a Twinkie baking sheet that’s essentially the same thing (except you need an oven, obviously): http://www.amazon.com/exec/obi.....tterer-20/

    I made Twinkies in the Twinkie maker and they turned out decently, but were very difficult to fill. I think I’d prefer using the actual baking tray since the Twinkie maker was difficult to clean (and it takes up more space). All that said, I’m really not a huge Twinkie fan, but I do love baking. It’s all just for fun, to me. :)

Comments are closed.