Unitasker Wednesday: Egg Minder Internet Connected Egg Tray

All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

At last count, a billion* people had emailed us recommending we feature the Egg Minder Internet Connected Egg Tray:

For the rare few of you who did not email us about this device and have not seen it before, let me give you a quick rundown of its absurdity:

It’s a tray — for $99 — that tracks when you place eggs into it, how many eggs it is holding, and then tells an app on your smartphone this data.

So, if you’re having a conversation with your boss at work and she asks you if you currently have fresh eggs in your refrigerator, you’ll know the answer immediately.

If you’re being tortured and what stands between you and death is knowing how many eggs you have in your refrigerator, you’ll get to live.**

If you want to egg that politician you don’t like***, you can check an app on your phone to know if your eggs are rotten and will be stinky when you throw them at him.

If you’re in a bar and looking to meet a “special friend” for a single night of romance, you’ll know while you’re still getting boozy if you can also make the person breakfast in the morning.****

Seriously, dear readers, I have no idea how anyone could accidentally over buy $99 worth of eggs and have them go rancid while this technology is still supported. I think it would take a person about 40+ years of routinely buying eggs and then not eating them to waste $99 on eggs. And there is no way current smartphones and this tray will be operating 40 years from now.

Something is wrong with the Manufacturing industry. It may be time for an intervention, as I’m pretty sure Manufacturing is drunk. Drunk is the ONLY explanation for this product.

*Number may be a slight exaggeration.
**Unless you are someone in Bryan Mills’ family, this likely will not happen to you.
***Unclutterer does not endorse egging politicians.
****Unclutterer has every reason to assume that showing a person your Egg Minder app will actually reduce your chances of going home with that person.

16 Comments for “Unitasker Wednesday: Egg Minder Internet Connected Egg Tray”

  1. posted by Michael on

    You left out the best part. This thing holds 14 eggs. How do you buy 14 eggs? The grocery stores around me sell eggs in packs of 6, 12, 18, and 30 around the holidays, but never 14!

  2. Profile photo of Erin Doland

    posted by Erin Doland on

    @Michael — That is hysterical.

  3. posted by Katie on

    As usual one of the funniest things is reading the “reviews” on Amazon. The seven theoretical “5-star reviews” are clearly all jokes!

  4. Profile photo of Erin Doland

    posted by Erin Doland on

    @Katie — “STOP FINDING BABY CHICKS IN YOUR FRIDGE!”

  5. posted by Jenny on

    This is hilarious. The fact that this device exists baffles me. And I remain baffled when I consider that just last night, I had a situation where I had fewer eggs than called for in the recipe I was about to make.

  6. posted by WilliamB on

    Erin – that was the damn funniest thing I’ve read on this blog. Ever.

    @Michael – holding 14 is actually a bit of good design. It’s so you still track the last couple of eggs from the old carton, even after you buy and load a new carton’s worth.

  7. posted by WilliamB on

    Sadly, I know a couple who keeps such bad track of eggs that they would actually benefit from this (I found 6 month old eggs in their fridge, part of their 5 carton collection), and one of the couple is enough of a geek that me might actually use it.

    Stocking stuffer? … Nah, I don’t think so.

  8. posted by Aleisha on

    So funny I literally almost spit out the food I was chewing. LOVED it. Wednesdays around here always amuse me, but this one tops it all. And no, I have never heard of this before today. Great work.

  9. posted by Anna on

    @WilliamB: You’ve pointed out this app’s one and only defect. When you add the 12 fresh eggs to the 2 old eggs remaining, will the app tell you which eggs are fresh and which are getting old and stale, maybe even sulfurous and inedible? Clearly the designers left out an essential feature. What were they thinking? Maybe they will read these comments and be inspired to bring out the new and improved app (at double the price, of course).

    May 2014 continue to serve up more Wednesdays of priceless entertainment.

  10. posted by Anna on

    Oh, well, having read the product description on Amazon, I see that the app can indeed tell when an egg has outlived its flavor and freshness. So can my nose, which is already paid for.

  11. posted by Lisa on

    Why eggs? I mean, it might be worth it if I could track my coffee and chocolate supplies.

  12. posted by Jeanne Thelwell on

    I saw this on Quirky, where it was developed (and where it costs $69, not $99). It seemed unlikely to generate sales, but I do appreciate the ways in which people are thinking about interesting technology.

  13. posted by Gypsy Packer on

    Erin, if you plan to egg heartless politicos, please give me a few days’ notice and I’ll be an enthusiastic partner in crime. Sounds like my kind of vacation.

  14. posted by Em on

    This is absurd because across the world people live their lives in what we see as extreme poverty. $2 a day? No running water, electricity. The don’t have the mindset of consumption, or ever considering something they don’t really need, or $99. We take everything for granted, its sad product and this absurd is made. KIt doesn’t matter eggs should live far passed the expiration date encouraging more waste then already necessary,A sign of the times, people just want to make money, and there is a sucker born every minute. But today, too many. L

  15. posted by Mary on

    My thought if you have to mix old eggs with new is to mark the old ones with a pencil, maybe with the expiration date. Problem solved.

  16. posted by Jessica on

    I think we are going to have to brace ourselves for more of these type of useless devices that connect everyday stuff to the Internet for no apparent reason. I keep hearing on the news how company’s are looking for new electronics to sell us and the newest market are these type devices.

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