Unitasker Wednesday: Wax Vacuum

All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

Like most people, I have a few memories in my brain I would like to erase. The memories I want to erase aren’t bad or tragic memories, but rather moments of extreme embarrassment. (Like that time I was working backstage at a Lenny Kravitz concert when Lenny came up and asked me a question. Instead of answering his question like a person whose actual job was to answer rock stars’ questions, I made some coughing sound, tried to say the word buffet, eventually screamed “I LIKE YOU!” and then ran away. Not scurried or drifted away from him, no. I ran at full-on racing speed away from him. I had met hundreds of rock stars at that point in my career, but Lenny was the first and only to turn me into a tongue-tied mega fan overwhelmed by his hotness. Not only do I want to erase that moment from my mind but also from Lenny’s, and, well, now from yours.)

However, there has not been a device to burrow into my brain to seek out unwanted memories and destroy them … that is, until now! Introducing The Wax Vacuum Ear Cleaner:

Oh, wait. Reading closer on this product description it doesn’t seem to be an embarrassing moment memory eraser, even though that is exactly what it looks like. (The woman’s face is so full of contentment, she must have had her memories erased, right?!) Well, it says it’s a vacuum to suck wax out of your ear. Really? Not a memory eraser. Huh.

My favorite part about The Wax Vacuum Ear Cleaner is that it’s not the one that was featured in a television infomercial (apparently, that would be The Wax Vac). This one is “Similar” to the one featured in a television infomercial. Which, let’s be honest with each other, somehow makes it awesomer. (And awesomer is a word I think we should all start using so it can make its way into a dictionary.)

There is no way this thing is safe or could possibly work. It has 71 single-star reviews and is quite possibly the worst reviewed item I have encountered on Amazon. And the positive reviews aren’t necessarily what I would call glowing: “I’ve received it in the mail.” Wow. Those reviews definitely sing with consumer confidence.

This week’s unitasker is a product that doesn’t do what it claims to do (suck wax out of your ears) and doesn’t do what I wish it did (erase embarrassing memories) and is only “Similar” to an As-Seen-on-TV product. Oh, Unitasker, you make me sad. A big thanks to reader Scott for introducing us to this mind numbing unitasker!

17 Comments for “Unitasker Wednesday: Wax Vacuum”

  1. posted by Cindy on

    Oh, goodness! You’re right, there comes a point where whether or not it actually works is kind of beside the point. Similar to As-Seen-on-TV…sheer awesomeness!

  2. posted by Leslie on

    Erin, “awesomer” is already in “a” dictionary. http://www.urbandictionary.com.....m=awesomer

    And I wish I knew this existed yesterday. Silly me, I used hydrogen peroxide. No nifty tool, only a small syringe and a towel.

  3. posted by Seanette on

    Seems unsafe to me to stick a vacuum unit in one’s ear. What happens if the thing suction-attaches to some important part of the ear?

  4. posted by Queen Lucia on

    On the off chance it worked, wouldn’t you then need a Wax Vacuum vacuum? Because I am not cleaning that by hand…

  5. posted by Mark Harrison on

    As someone who spent much of his childhood in hospital because of major ear problems, and has to syringe his ear every day to maintain my hearing, I find this article more than a little insulting.

    Would you make jokes about people with glasses? Or prosthetics?

    If the product is poor quality, and doesn’t work, then fine, say so…. But “memory removal” jokes are in very very poor taste.

    And criticising a medical device as a Unitasker? What’s next, condescending jokes about walking sticks?

  6. Profile photo of Erin Doland

    posted by Erin Doland on

    @Mark — Making fun of an object (not alive, no soul, no humanity) and making fun of a person (totally alive) are two different things. I didn’t make fun of anyone in this article except for myself. I’m sorry you have ear problems. Really I am. But, if your ENT is anything like my ENT, my guess is your ENT does not recommend you stick a hard plastic vacuum tube into your ears (more likely something like a sterile liquid flush of your ear canal). My ENT goes by the rule: “Don’t stick anything in your ear other than your elbow.” Which is ironic, you know, since you can’t stick your elbow in your ear.

  7. posted by Frugal Nurse on

    haha, definitely not an FDA-approved medical device! From the picture alone, I would have guessed some type of hot flash treatment (brain cooling?), but the memory eraser idea is awesomer.

  8. posted by biggerbox on

    When I saw the title of the post, I thought it was going to be about maintaining your vacuum cleaner, and I had a momentary panic that there was yet-another household chore that I was completely failing to do, since no one had ever told me it was important to wax my vacuum. Though waxing my vacuum would certainly be a better use of my time than buying this ridiculous product!

  9. posted by Shelly J. King on

    Can’t help but laugh all the way throughout this article. It totally went full on hilarious when you actually talked about the Wax Vacuum Ear Cleaner! Thanks for brightening up this otherwise stale day!

  10. posted by Anna on

    @Biggerbox: What? You don’t wax your vacuum? What can you be thinking? Repent of your slovenly ways and get in step!

  11. posted by lyle Jokela on

    Don’t you realize the potential of this device? I am currently modifying The Wax Vacuum into a snot and booger vacuum. You never see people picking their ears behind the wheel. So hence the modification. Due to anticipated heavy use of this device during long commutes and road trips, I will include a 12 volt charger at no extra charge. This beauty will handle large volumes of material but is not designed for group use. The plan is to offer a high capacity booger vault as an option suitable for families and car pools. Further down the road a central vaccum could be reto-fitted for bus or airplane with individual ports built into armrests.

  12. posted by heathercheryl on

    Wax . . . schmax! That little machine has liquefied her little brain and is now drawing out the goo! To liquefy her brain, it injected a substance that also makes her feel ultimate pleasure.

  13. posted by multitasker on

    Why would I buy one of those when my shop vac works just fine for sucking the wax out of my ears.

  14. posted by ChrisD on

    This isn’t new though, there was an electric ear cleaner in the film Parenthood in the ’90s.

  15. posted by Beth on

    Hee, love this post. I did something stupid today and have been obsessing, but this puts my gaffe into perspective and makes me chuckle :)

  16. posted by Rae on

    I wouldn’t call this a “medical device” and I highly doubt that any reputable otolaryngologist would recommend the use of one of these contraptions.

    Love these unitaskers!! :)

  17. posted by femdom humiliation on

    Right away I am going away to do my breakfast, later than
    having my breakfast coming again to read additional news.

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