All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!
Like most people, I have a few memories in my brain I would like to erase. The memories I want to erase aren’t bad or tragic memories, but rather moments of extreme embarrassment. (Like that time I was working backstage at a Lenny Kravitz concert when Lenny came up and asked me a question. Instead of answering his question like a person whose actual job was to answer rock stars’ questions, I made some coughing sound, tried to say the word buffet, eventually screamed “I LIKE YOU!” and then ran away. Not scurried or drifted away from him, no. I ran at full-on racing speed away from him. I had met hundreds of rock stars at that point in my career, but Lenny was the first and only to turn me into a tongue-tied mega fan overwhelmed by his hotness. Not only do I want to erase that moment from my mind but also from Lenny’s, and, well, now from yours.)
However, there has not been a device to burrow into my brain to seek out unwanted memories and destroy them … that is, until now! Introducing The Wax Vacuum Ear Cleaner:
Oh, wait. Reading closer on this product description it doesn’t seem to be an embarrassing moment memory eraser, even though that is exactly what it looks like. (The woman’s face is so full of contentment, she must have had her memories erased, right?!) Well, it says it’s a vacuum to suck wax out of your ear. Really? Not a memory eraser. Huh.
My favorite part about The Wax Vacuum Ear Cleaner is that it’s not the one that was featured in a television infomercial (apparently, that would be The Wax Vac). This one is “Similar” to the one featured in a television infomercial. Which, let’s be honest with each other, somehow makes it awesomer. (And awesomer is a word I think we should all start using so it can make its way into a dictionary.)
There is no way this thing is safe or could possibly work. It has 71 single-star reviews and is quite possibly the worst reviewed item I have encountered on Amazon. And the positive reviews aren’t necessarily what I would call glowing: “I’ve received it in the mail.” Wow. Those reviews definitely sing with consumer confidence.
This week’s unitasker is a product that doesn’t do what it claims to do (suck wax out of your ears) and doesn’t do what I wish it did (erase embarrassing memories) and is only “Similar” to an As-Seen-on-TV product. Oh, Unitasker, you make me sad. A big thanks to reader Scott for introducing us to this mind numbing unitasker!