Unitasker Wednesday: Glitter Cleanup Cloth

All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

Glitter is one of the most evil craft products in existence. Most often, its users are children under the age of 10 who have no business decorating with the vile stuff. Once a glitter container is opened, glitter infects every possible thing it comes near. Does anyone ever garner enough joy from these sparkly bits to warrant the clean up afterward because those sparkly bits get everywhere? My guess is: no.

In an attempt to make glitter less awful, Martha Stewart has created a tacky (in the adhesive sense) cheesecloth and named it the Glitter Cleanup Cloth:

The thing is, though, it doesn’t work. Some glitter gets stuck to the tacky part and then you just use the now-sparkly cloth to push the rest of the glitter around. You end up spreading the glitter, like a bacteria or virus. And, since you can’t wash the cloth, after you’re done “cleaning,” you then become the proud owner of a cloth covered in glitter. Fun! (Actually: not fun. Some of that glitter will eventually fall off and mess up even more of your home.)

Want to know what cleans up glitter well? Vacuum and tape. You vacuum up as much as possible and then you use a strip of tape to pick up the rest. For those rare moments you choose to use glitter (obviously when you have amnesia and have forgotten how messy the stuff is), you don’t have need for a specialized cloth. You probably already own a vacuum and roll of tape, so now is the time to put them to their best use possible and get rid of the glitter.

Honestly, I think the best advice I can give you is to not use glitter. Whomever invented it was clearly a mad scientist insisting on overtaking the world with sparkle. Thanks to the person who tipped me off to this unitasker — sadly, I cannot find our original communication, but I am still very appreciative!

12 Comments for “Unitasker Wednesday: Glitter Cleanup Cloth”

  1. posted by ChrisD on

    Glitter isn’t that bad! You get most of it with a hoover and the rest is cheerfull and ignorable. I got some for my godson and he did tip it everywhere and cover the room in glitter, but his mum didn’t seem to mind too much (maybe she’s just very polite). Actually nowadays I only get the glitter that is embedded in glue, and then only small pens as my godson likes to use the whole amount up at once.
    I think I have answer to your question of who enjoys glitter: small children and clueless godparents :-).

  2. posted by Robin on

    I think there’s a time and place for getting messy with kids. Fun sometimes is messy but I think that sometimes the fun is worth the cleanup! That said, now there’s glitter glue. This stuff is almost as bad because you get glittery glue everywhere on creation but it does keep the glitter contained. It’s contained by glue and I think I’d rather clean up the glitter but it’s an iffy proposition.

    You’re not wrong about this being a unitasker though…

  3. posted by Nancy Nally on

    I’m the editor of several scrapbook industry publications. Glitter is actually very trendy for scrapbookers of all ages to use right now. It’s great for use with rubber stamps if you use the right ink as a base to adhere it, or with a die cut machine with double-sided adhesive.

    Even when grown-ups use it, it is messy though. Comedian Demetri Martin once called glitter “the herpes of craft supplies.” It sticks to everything it comes in contact with and you can’t get rid of it!

    My favorite trick for cleaning glitter is to use a Swiffer Sweeper refill cloth as a dusting cloth. It’s got this sort of “magnetic” attraction for dust that also works great on glitter. Relatively affordable and disposable!

  4. posted by Jessica on

    Demetri Martin said it best: “glitter is the herpes of craft supplies.”

  5. posted by momof3 on

    HATE the stuff with a passion, Never liked having to use it as a kid.
    One project in grade school, took home while riding my bike.
    bits blew off and into my eyes.
    Swore to avoid the stuff after that, since it’s scratched my cornea…
    painful!!
    Avoid Xmas cards that have it on them…hate to get cards with it…

    I want sparkles….I can wait for a snow fall or look at my engagement diamond in the sun!!

  6. posted by Marie on

    I like the sparkle, but despair of glitter’s pervasiveness. My sister once sent me a home made card with an extra dollop of loose (!) fine glitter in the envelope. I think that was a little passive-aggressive, don’t you think? I was able to successfully Hoover it up, though. Mostly.

  7. posted by Jessica on

    My sister got the great idea to dump glitter on me and my husband after the wedding when we were leaving for our honeymoon. My husband got the worst of it. I was still picking it off of him a month after the wedding. Perhaps this cloth would of helped, but it sounds like it doesn’t work anyways. Perhaps I should have tried to hoover it off him.:)

  8. posted by Lise on

    We use glitter on centerpieces that we make…and inevitably, the entire family has glitter from me for a week. My son calls it craft herpes. It can be evil, evil stuff…

  9. posted by Melissa on

    My children’s love for glitter sent my printer to an early grave. I’m not sure if they actually poured it into the printer or just used the printer as a desk, but my poor printer could not handle the massive “craft herpes” case that came out. The glue is marginally better, but still gets everywhere.

    I like the Swiffer idea! I might try that instead.

  10. posted by EngineerMom on

    This sounds exactly like tack cloth – tacky cloth intended to pick up fine particles.

    It works great on sanded wood when you’re prepping it for painting or staining.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tack_cloth

    Kudos to Martha for figuring out how to sell one sheet for nearly twice what it costs to buy 3 sheets at a home improvement store!

  11. posted by Leslie on

    Reminds me of a joke:

    Going to the Gynecologist

    A radio station routinely paid money for people to tell their most embarrassing stories. Here was one of the winners.

    I was due later that week for an appointment with the gynecologist when early one morning I received a call from his office: I had been rescheduled for early that morning at 9:30am. I has just packed everyone off to work and school and it was around 8:45 already. The trip usually took about 35 minutes so I didn’t have any time to spare. As most women do, I’m sure, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits, but this time I wasn’t going to be able to make the full effort. So I rushed upstairs, threw off my dressing gown, wet the washcloth and gave myself a wash in “that area” in front of the sink, taking extra care to make sure that I was presentable.

    I threw the washcloth in the clothes basket, donned some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my appointment. I was in the waiting room only a few minutes when he called me in.

    Knowing the procedure, as I’m sure all women do, I hopped up on the table, looked over at the other side of the room and pretended I was in Hawaii or some other place a million miles away from here. I was surprised when he said: “My…we have taken a little extra effort this morning, haven’t we?” but I didn’t respond. The appointment over, I heaved a sigh of relief and went home. The rest of the day went as normal, some shopping, cleaning and the evening meal, etc.

    At 8:30 that evening my 14 year old daughter was getting ready for a school dance, when she called down from the bathroom, “Mom, where’s my washcloth?”

    I called back for her to get another from the cabinet. She called back, “No, I need that one that was here by the sink. It had all my glitter and sparkles in it.”

  12. posted by Tiara on

    I use a dryer sheet to pick up spilled glitter. It seems to do the trick in a pinch.

    Having two daughters, I have decided that glitter, though pure evil, is an inevitability. I don’t like glitter glue any better because it takes forever to dry.

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