Ask Unclutterer: How much mess is too much mess?
Reader Cassie submitted the following to Ask Unclutterer:
I’m uncluttered, but messy. Everything I own has a “proper storage place,” like you recommend in your book, but stuff doesn’t always make it back to its storage place after I use it. How much mess is too much mess? Is there any hope for me to be less messy and [be] better about returning things to their proper storage place?
Cassie, you have two great questions here. Let’s start with your first: “How much mess is too much mess?”
The answer to your question depends on a few variables. Do you live alone or with other people? How much stress and anxiety is your mess causing you? Are you just messy or are you also dirty (by “dirty” I mean are there messes that can attract bugs and pests, like half-eaten bowls of cereal abandoned on the end table in your living room)?
If you live alone, you pretty much get to be the sole decider in how much mess is too much mess. Assuming your mess isn’t violating any laws, neighborhood association rules, or rental agreements, you set the rules for what is okay and what isn’t. However, if you live with other people, you all need to come to an agreement as to what amount of mess is okay and what is unacceptable. There are lots of ways you can reach this agreement, but I recommend meeting in a public place (like a restaurant or coffee shop) and discussing it there. Write down the standards if that suits you, or simply come to a very clear verbal agreement. Remember, too, you can always revisit the standards you set at a later time if they turn out to be too strict or too lenient.
If your mess isn’t causing you any stress or anxiety, it is likely you have found your appropriate tolerance level and are functioning well. We are all a bit messy, especially while working on projects or dealing with more pressing issues and responsibilities. As long as things make it back to their homes eventually, a little mess is fine. But, since you wrote in asking about your mess, my guess is that it’s causing you some stress. In this case, you’ll want to create routines for regularly dealing with your messes so they aren’t a source of anxiety for you. I’ll give some tips for creating these routines in a couple paragraphs.
Next, you’ll just want to be sure that your mess doesn’t include anything that could be labeled as “dirty.” Anything that could invite bugs or pests into your home should be cleaned up right away. For example, an overflowing kitty litter box has to be cleaned now, but a stray pair of socks on the floor can sit until morning if they aren’t causing you any frustration. (Remember, the reason you want to be uncluttered is to get rid of distractions that are getting in the way of the life you desire — and stress, anxiety, frustration, bugs, and pests all qualify as distractions.)
To address your second question, “Is there any hope for me to be less messy and [be] better about returning things to their proper storage place?”
Yes, there is hope that you can be less messy if that is what you want to do. The easiest thing you can do is to create a new daily pickup routine for yourself. Choose a time that works best for you and when you have a good amount of energy: in the morning before work, immediately after work, after dinner, or an hour before bed. Set aside 15 minutes — and only 15 minutes, as you don’t want to make it too daunting — to speed through your living space taking care of all the little messes. Use a timer to help keep you on track or an upbeat music playlist to encourage you to move.
Finally, work on changing your mindset about how activities are finished. When you think about doing things, constantly remind yourself that you’re actually not done with something until all items are put away. For example, dinner isn’t finished until all dishes are in the dishwasher and the counter has been wiped down (as opposed to thinking dinner is over when you finish eating). Or that watching your favorite television show isn’t over when the credits roll, but rather after you turn off the television and return the remote control to its storage basket. With months of practice, you’ll train yourself to make fewer messes and this will reduce the time you need for your daily pickup routine.
Thank you, Cassie, for submitting your question for our Ask Unclutterer column. Be sure to check the comments for even more insights from our readers.
Do you have a question relating to organizing, cleaning, home and office projects, productivity, or any problems you think the Unclutterer team could help you solve? To submit your questions to Ask Unclutterer, go to our contact page and type your question in the content field. Please list the subject of your e-mail as “Ask Unclutterer.” If you feel comfortable sharing images of the spaces that trouble you, let us know about them. The more information we have about your specific issue, the better.
9 comments posted
Posted by Katie - 03/01/2013
I really appreciate the suggestion about changing your mindset about how activities are finished. That is a great tip and makes so much sense — definitely need to work on that for me and my husband!
Posted by blimunda - 03/01/2013
If i notice that something doesn’t make it back to its storage place, I try to see if such place is difficult to reach, cluttered, or not well chosen. We’ve re-arranged our wardrobe and kitchen closets. It’s incredible what a simple extra shelf can do. If it’s easy and quick to put back an item, and to take it again later, it’s more likely that you’ll take care of it immediately.
Posted by susan - 03/01/2013
I agree with blimunda. If it is not easy to reach or already full then putting things away is difficult. I bought a shelf with 8 squares for stand up cloth bins for tights, undies, work out wear, sports bras etc. to free up my dresser drawers. It is in the bottom of my closet. Doesn’t seem to be working for me. I think I just have too much. Three of the bins are filled with tights and leggings. That is just too many and they get forgotten and not worn. I can’t reach the shelves at the top of the closet so things get tossed and out of sight. Old house small closet, need a better solution or less clothes.
Posted by Marie - 03/02/2013
Like Katie above, changing your mindset about how activities are finished is one of my favorite take-aways from this post.
There are also certain things I’ve come to associate with certain other transitions, and it feels wrong to leave before I finish the rest of the tasks. For instance, when I wake up, I associate having to take my medicines and making the bed before I leave the area. After my daughter wakes up, I have to turn off the white noise machine and night light, and fold all her blankets and pile them at the foot of her bed. Or every time I got to the bathroom, I scoop the kitty litter and quick-sweep the floor, because, after all, I am right there. Or after I make toast, I push the toaster back in place, put away the butter, and transfer any old dishes into the sink area. I’m going to have to look for more mini routines!
Posted by Jo@simplybeingmum - 03/02/2013
Cassie – I had to comment. I too am messy by nature. What I have discovered on my now 4 year journey toward an uncluttered life (in all aspects) is that you can make changes if that is what you want. Messy people also tend to be quite creative. I could not say if this describes you, but it does me. Distraction kicks in easily as a new idea pops into my head, and I still leave things around – but less so – I’ve built new habits. So much so I blog about organization (among others things)! How funny when 4 years ago I had not a clue.
One tip is to use a timer if you have trouble focusing on one thing. I get bored easily, so used to jump ship half way through, say, drying dishes and putting them away. I’d leave a pile on the side even though I’d put 80% away. Now I focus on one task until my 5 or 10 minutes is up. That way I make it a game, with a definite finish time. Slowly and surely habits do form! Good luck!
Posted by Jo@simplybeingmum - 03/02/2013
p.s – I also find not having a choice what/where I start helps. Let me explain. After dinner my kitchen counters are very often untidy. I love cooking and am very creative with food, but messy. Sometimes I’m very good/mindful and tidy as I go, but not always. When I see a messy kitchen it’s daunting so instead of deciding where to start first I work my way round even if this isn’t the most efficient way of doing it. So, say the first section has items to go to multiple areas of the kitchen or house I do that even if it means making multiple trips out of the room or into different cupboards. If I were to look for all the items that were to go into the dishwasher in the entire room I would struggle and get distracted. So I put coffee cup number 1 in dishwasher and continue clearing that particular space. Then when I move onto the next space coffee cup number 2 goes in the dishwasher etc… This may not be relevant to you, but it took me 38 years to click it worked for me! (oh and I sometimes put the timer on for extra focus!) Good luck again!
Posted by Ms Hanson - 03/02/2013
Like Marie, I have established “do-it-now” routines that maintain the uncluttered-ness of a given area. Bathroom: same as Marie, do it now. Cooking: I line up my ingredients, replacing them on shelves or fridge as I proceed through mixing and cooking, quickly wash dishes under running water as I finish with them, and kitchen is clean when I put the meal on the table. Emergency: A “crash” kit lives in my kitchen near the door, a smaller bucket with rags, paper towels, spray cleaners, etc. nested inside a larger bucket. Grab it, pull out smaller bucket, clean, toss stuff into bigger bucket for laundry or garbage. You will thank yourself many times over for this one organized bucket.
Posted by Benji - 03/02/2013
Too many people confuse Messy and dirty – a room can be messy yet not smell bad. I find being neat to be stressful, everything should have it’s place to be put away but being incredibly neat… unless that is the only way all your things to be put away.
Posted by timgray - 03/03/2013
My wife’s tolerance is a lot higher than mine. She is fine with some “mess” while it drives me nuts.
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