All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!
When I turned 21, I started straightening my hair. I’m sure I started doing it because I had been brainwashed into believing that curls were unprofessional or curls made me look younger or some other such nonsense. Irrespective of the misguided reason, it wasn’t until two months ago I stopped to think about how much time (and money) over almost two decades I had wasted making my locks look like straw. I will never get back all that time in the chair at the hair salon and that time in front of the bathroom mirror at home — wasted, wasted time.
I know I can’t do anything about the past, but I have chosen to stop cluttering up my time straightening my hair in the future. And so, for eight weeks now, I’ve been transitioning back into a curly girl. (For a visual: Processed hair 2010 Erin, and naturally curly 1991 Erin.) Uncluttering one’s hair of straightening chemicals and products is not an overnight event, and so I have been thinking quite a bit about curly hair during this transition. I’m so excited to have my curly hair return!
As regular readers of the site also know, my thoughts are often obsessed with cheese. So, as someone who can’t stop thinking about curly hair or cheese, I was unbelievably excited when I received an email last week with “Cheese Curler” as the subject line from reader ALH. Cheese! And curls! And thought-congruence brilliance!
Except, the Cheese Curler was not brilliant. The Cheese Curler was unitaskery:
First, this thing does not curl cheese, it waves cheese. The product should have been named the Cheese Waver.
Second, this device to make wavy cheese only works on cheese that is shaped like a cylinder.
Third, this device only waves hard cheese.
Fourth, this device only waves hard, cylindrical cheese that has the exact circumference of this device or smaller. A giant wheel of parmesan is not working with this doodad.
Fifth, except for the inventor of this device, has anyone anywhere ever thought, “You know, waves would make this cheese more enjoyable”??? Maybe, but I’m doubting those numbers are incredibly high.
I think the lessons this so-called “Cheese Curler” can teach us are that cheese is good, curly hair is good, but a cheese curler is a genuine unitasker.