Unitasker Wednesday: Hot Dog Dicer
All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!
About five years ago, Disney began airing a show called Mickey Mouse Clubhouse featuring the classic Disney characters. It’s a computer animated cartoon that plays a They Might Be Giants song at the end of every episode called “Hot Dog.” If you’re unfamiliar with the diddy, you can hear it and watch the video on the Disney Junior website.
Did you listen to it? It’s super annoying, right? And INCREDIBLY infectious. No need to thank me for getting that song stuck in your head for the rest of the day.
Anyway, I mention the “Hot Dog” song, because it instantly pops into my head whenever I think about this week’s unitasker selection — the Hot Dog Dicer:
Once again, a tool to do what knives do! Knives you already own! What do people have against using knives? I’m so confused by the knife-alternative industry.
Also, did you watch the video that accompanies the link to the product? Such scare tactics! The whole advertisement is about how your kid could die choking on a hot dog. Maybe, and this is just little ol’ me musing, if you’re so afraid of your kid choking on a food, learn how to perform the Heimlich Maneuver? That safety move can work in all choking situations, not just hot-dog choking situations. Or, possibly, just don’t feed your child hot dogs until you know he or she can safely chew his food? Recent scientific studies are suggesting toddlers shouldn’t be eating hot dogs, anyway. They’re full of nitrites and nitrates, which increase the risk of cancer. Why is that not mentioned in the Commercial of DOOM?
Okay, back to happier thoughts … “hot dog, hot dog, hot diggity dog!”
Want to see even more hot dog unitaskers? Check out the Hot Dog Roller and, one of my all-time favorites, the Hot Dog Pop-Up Cooker. Finally, if you do feel the need to buy one of these Hot Dog Dicers, you can store it in your drawer right next to your Banana Slicer. They can be twins!
Thanks to all the readers who sent us this week’s selection.
35 comments posted
Posted by Debra - 06/06/2012
My son won’t eat any food unless you cut it for him. You know what I find works well on hot dogs? Knives. Forks. Even a spoon if you turn it on edge. Also, if you cut it lengthwise, it’s not even a potential choking hazard.
Posted by Katie - 06/06/2012
That video is so ridiculous! If a hot dog is too hot for you to touch while you cut it, it’s too hot for your kids to eat anyway! So silly…
Posted by Travis Williams - 06/06/2012
This probably saves 30 seconds of cutting per dog.
Multiply that by seven hot dogs and you save three and a half minutes per package.
At one package per week, you are looking at a little over three hours saved a year.
Multiply that by the value of my time and I’m seeing a great investment.
Posted by ninakk - 06/06/2012
ugh. most hotdogs are unbelievably disgusting and who eats them often enough to buy that awful device? travis apparently. a knife and cutting board is one’s friend once again.
Posted by Sheila - 06/06/2012
But didn’t you read the small print? You can use it to cut cooked carrots and grapes too! /sarcasm off
Wonder how many parents that Parents Magazine endorsement will induce to by this ridiculous product!
Posted by jasi - 06/06/2012
lol. i think this is great. i’m pretty minimal in possessions. but with two small children, i would entertain this device for a short while. i imagine this is great for daycare or parents of multiples.
Posted by priest's wife (@byzcathwife) - 06/06/2012
how to reduce your hot dog intake: buy only Hebrew National. They are expensive (so I have to buy less- maybe once per month) and less gross
Posted by DivaJean - 06/06/2012
My kids prefer me to cut their hotdogs into fun, almost bento-like shapes. For a while, I cut them into octopi (plural octopus- google a how-to, they are fun to make!). Lately, I cut them into hotdog men (a small portion of the round end becomes a head; cut what’s left in half down perpendicular to the dog. Then cut the end that still has a rounded portion into half parallel to the dog- these pieces are the legs. The middle section is cut in half parallel to the dog- one of these is the torso of the hotdog man. The remaining half middle section is again cut along the parallel to make arms. Sometimes I squirt the ketchup or mustard for hair on the plate to hold the head in place better).
Posted by chacha1 - 06/06/2012
“Commercial of DOOM”
LOL!
Posted by DorothyGale - 06/06/2012
We use tiny bits of hot dogs for dog training. As ridiculous as this is, it’s almost tempting… although I would still have to cut the hot dog lengthwise into strips.
Posted by Anita - 06/06/2012
Not sure if that’s hilariously tragic, or tragically hilarious.
One hot dog-related unitasker I would totally spring for, though, is a device I once saw, which looks like a bunch of spikes, about the size of a hot dog in diameter, with a cone tip. Its purpose is to impale and toast the inside of hot dog buns. Not the “traditional” way of doing things, but the hot dog buns that come off this thing are amazing. First, they’re yummy – warm and soft on the outside, crispy on the inside. Second, they’re very practical; you don’t impale the bun all the way through, you leave it closed at one end – no condiments oozing out of anywhere, and you get a nice pool of them left at the bottom, which I find brilliant.
Posted by JustGail - 06/06/2012
ok, I could see this if I worked in a daycare or something. Maybe. The carrot dicing almost had me until I realized that only the baby carrots would fit.
Anita – I’ve never seen the contraption you describe. But then I don’t think I’ve see hot dog buns that aren’t pre-sliced. And the buns that aren’t are much bigger for sub sandwiches and such. Sounds like an alternative use for an old curling iron if you only need 1 or 2 at a time.
Posted by JustGail - 06/06/2012
yes, I realize that slicing a big carrot lengthwise would allow it to be used, but then, that sort of defeats the idea of not using a knife.
Posted by Chris - 06/06/2012
Ok this is too funny! I think I should get one to sit beside the hot dog toaster my mother bought my son!! >…..NOT!!!! I was a good girl and got rid of it
Posted by ChrisD - 06/06/2012
Speaking of they might be Giant songs I just went off to YouTube to watch the ‘Istanboul not Constantinople’ one.
Posted by Elaine - 06/06/2012
They kinda fail to mention that a child’s trachea is about the same diameter as a drinking straw. i.e., still much smaller than a hot dog slice. Meaning kids can choke on these just as easily as absolutely anything else.
Posted by Mark - 06/06/2012
They fail to mention processed meats are very bad for you. Sure, you won’t choke on them, but you’ve got all sorts of great diseases to look forward to…
Posted by Nana - 06/06/2012
My-father-the-doctor said that if a parent HAD to permit a small child to eat a hot dog, the dog should be sliced into half-circles. Very real choking hazard, those “coin-like” slices.
Posted by ninakk - 06/06/2012
omg. shouldn’t kids be taught to chew? isn’t there anything that isn’t classified as a huge potential life threatening thing for your precious little ones over there? chill a bit maybe?
Posted by momofthree - 06/06/2012
saw one of those advertised on TV and my first thought was–soon to be a unitasker!!
good gravies….what ever happened to common sense, a knife and a cutting board???
Posted by gooch - 06/06/2012
Hot dogs are a major cause of choking in small children. However, this unitasker won’t do the trick. From the NY state Department of Health website:
“Cut hot dogs lengthwise and widthwise.”
http://www.health.ny.gov/preve.....ildren.htm
So, not only is it a unitasker, but a dangerous one given how it is marketed.
Posted by Monica - 06/06/2012
I chop up hot dogs to use as dog treats (so much cheaper than buying dog treats, and my pup prefers them, so they’re better for training) and this unitasker would save me significant time and frustration trying to chop hot dogs into little bits. For anyone not training a puppy though, it’s ridiculous.
Posted by VeritySa - 06/06/2012
This is the first unitasker that I thought “oh, that would be kind of nice.” I have two toddlers who would love for me to feed them hotdogs a lot more then I do so it seems like it would be a time saver.
It does take up a ton of space though so I guess I’ll pass.
Thanks for the laugh!
Posted by Miss Lynx - 06/07/2012
Thanks a lot – now *I* have that damn Hot Dog song stuck in my head! Despite not having heard it in months… All it took was that *one* mention, and bang, there it is. Now I must seek a stronger earworm to drive it out.
Posted by MelD - 06/07/2012
Huh???? why would anyone need to dice a hot dog??? (Apart from the dog treat aspect but that is also doable by knife, believe it or not!).
My kids and grandkids eat the occasional hot dog/wiener – surely the fun is in taking bites off it, fingerfood etc. and certainly not below the age of safe chewing.
Beats me.
Posted by Paula - 06/07/2012
When I see all these doomsday commercials, I realize that I must have either been an incredibly talented, smart and resourceful kid to have survived into adulthood or else somebody up there REALLY looked out for me. Either way, WIN!
Posted by Anna - 06/07/2012
But it’s so pretty! I would hang it on the wall as a work of pop art.
Posted by Laura - 06/07/2012
For those commenting on the fact that hot dogs are supposed to be sliced widthwise and lengthwise (i.e. not into coins), that is exactly what this product does. There is a lengthwise crossbar as well as the widthwise cutters. Looking at the ad, the resulting “dices” are half-moons.
I also wanted to comment on the reference to “learn the Heimlich maneuver.” The Heimlich maneuver does not *always* work, and it works particularly poorly on somewhat soft, round objects (like hot dog “coins”). That’s why it is important to work on strategies to help prevent the choking from happening in the first place, as well as learn what to do if choking happens anyway. Just like you wash your hands *and* get vaccinated for flu.
All that said, for most parents it’s not going to be an issue because you aren’t going to use it often enough for it to be a big time saver. As others have noted, it might be a help for somebody who regularly prepares hot dogs for a lot of little ones, or who wants to recruit an older kid (who isn’t old enough to handle a knife) in food prep.
Posted by Susan in FL - 06/07/2012
Does anyone else remember the boiled egg slicer? I still have one that I rarely use. It dices by making a quarter turn of the sliced egg, then slicing a second time. Anyway, the hot dog dicer brought the egg slicer back to my mind.
Posted by VeritySa - 06/07/2012
Yup. The egg slicer was the first thing I thought of!!
Posted by Travis Williams - 06/07/2012
Thank you to everyone that took my original comment seriously. I’m talking to you, ninakk.
Posted by WilliamB - 06/08/2012
I saw this object’s cousin – the banana slicer – in use yesterday. As with most unitaskers this was in a commercial setting. The creperie uses it to make banana slices of even thickness, very quickly. Makes sense when one is slicing large amounts and when even thickness is important.
Delicious crepe, too.
Posted by Kimberly - 06/11/2012
For those of you giving your dogs hot dogs for treat, please think about giving them something else. They are terrible for your dog. We started our pug on fruit (mostly banana, apples, and melon) after I heard a veterinary nutrition expert on NPR. He loves it as a treat. We also give him baby carrots. He loved to teeth on the carrots as a puppy. Just do not give them grapes b/c they are toxic to dogs.
Posted by Marilyn Brauer - 06/12/2012
Oh my, that IS the commercial of doom. We don’t really give our kids hot dogs either because they are unhealthy. But for other foods, we own a few knives, plus, we sit with our kids during meal times so we can remind them to take small bites, and if they start to gag we talk to them calmly and remind them to chew. This almost always clams them down enough that they regain control of the situation. Plus, we know the helm,ich, and so do any babysitters we leave them with. Maybe this is too much work to save myself $9.95 + shipping and handling, and the space it would take up in my kitchen, and sink and dishwasher (assuming I actually would use it). Maybe people have a knife-phobia so they keep coming up with ways to avoid owning knives.
Yea, that must be it.
Posted by Pedant - 06/15/2012
Ditty, not diddy.
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