We have lots of pill bottles that we keep on the kitchen counter so we don’t forget to take them. Does anyone know of an attractive counter-top box that would conceal the bottles? The box would have to be easy to clean and waterproof.

Some things I put aside to be dealt with later. Some things need a home, but I can’t figure out where yet. Luckily I could put things in storage and will get to them later.

But through the whole process I also rediscovered my parents, my life, their lives, the lives of our relatives. It was a very healing process. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done in my life, and I’m incredibly grateful that I did it.

This was an emotional post, since I have dealt with my mom’s place by myself. My sister did not want to deal with it. But, she gets half.. so when you write your wishes, let everyone know that the executor does get paid for doing stuff. It is important. My aunt lived in a state that gave me something for dealing with all the stuff. My mom did not. So be aware of that issue.

My aunt lived by my grandmother and essentially took everything when she died, even though there were two brothers and eight grandchildren. My father was her representative and when he died, I offered to take over. She basically had decluttered many things and left a list of which SIL was to get what, but there was still issues.

– if there is a large family, suggest that a list of who gets what is written up.
– do not let a relative push you into giving something to them until there is an evaluation by an outsider. If you are the executor and you let someone take someting from the estate, you may be held responsible, especially if you find that it was to go to someone else.
– Find a good estate sale person – they may be able to give the tax evaluation as well as help with the estate sale. Some even have started with the “senior move to apartment” issue and will do the move and then the clean out.
– if you can, get the parent/relative to walk through the house and say who gets what. If it is writing or on video, it’s easier.
– you may love your relatives, but things change when someone dies. My sister only wanted “2 things” from my mom’s house. When I told her that Mom’s wishes were that if you gave something to her, you had first dibs on it… my sister changed her attitude. But, when I suggested that her daughters might like some things, she said no. I checked and they were thrilled to get some things.

My mom had 50 years worth of stuff in her house. She was from Europe with depression and war experiences. i accepted her because I loved her and I respected her wishes to deal with her things. My sister thought it was clutter.

I have saved things for my nieces that I think they will enjoy in the long run. My sister is losing out on family history.

If you have family history – embrace it, take your time. Ther are lots of places that will love to have a slice of life from when back then. I have lots of WW2 stuff that I am writing the history and will look for the appropiate place to give it to.

But, I have changed my attitude in that I am decluttering so my nieces don’t have to… but there is a generation that we have to respect. Don’t push them. After all, do you want to be pushed when your time comes?

Once the sticker portion was done, we hired an estate sale company. For a percentage of the proceeds they sold the rest and guaranteed an empty house at the end. This service was WELL worth their take of the proceeds.

The advice you offer here is good for any major loss, not just the death of a loved one. “Be gentle with yourself” is perhaps the hardest thing of all to remember, at least right now. Thank you for your sensitivity and advice, both in your book and your ongoing writing. It helps more than you know.

My mother-in-law, however, had prepared us for this! She told us the story several times of how she and her siblings divided up their mother’s things, so we were able to follow the pattern. Here is the way we did it:
1. Each person makes a list of what s/he wants. In our case, my husband and I collaborated on a list, since he wanted some things, and I had views on which things we wanted–each sibling is represented once.
2. If something is on only one person’s list, that person gets it. (this requires love and trust among the siblings, of course)
3. If something is on nobody’s list or on more than one person’s list, it goes into the central pile.
4. Determine who goes first (She recommended drawing straws).
5. The first person picks one item. Thereafter, it follows around the circle (or back and forth in our case of two siblings), with each one knowing that if they didn’t get the first thing they want, they have a chance to get the next most important item.

We got first pick, and there were two most important items, a teapot and a coffee pot. One was most valuable and one was most sentimental. Then I had to choose, both for me and for her! Did we take the value? Did we take the sentiment? Knowing that, I finally decided on the valuable, because she should have the teapot. I remembered it forever in my mother-in-law’s house, but she remembered it also in her grandmother’s house. This just drew us closer together.

Having already been through the ordeal of uncluttering after the deaths of my elders, I hope to spare my own children as much of it as possible. Therefore, I am going through all my things now, while I am still in good health and of sound mind, and tossing/donating unimportant items and giving important items to those who will eventually receive them. If I need a particular thing, or feel a truly strong sentimental attachment to it, then it stays with me until the need or attachment has expired.

The “golden years” are a golden time for making such decisions. No excuses!