Unitasker Wednesday: Ben and Jerry’s Euphori-Lock

All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

Back in 2010, when I wrote about the Doughnut To-Go, I was convinced it was the most ridiculous food-protection device ever produced and that nothing could ever top it. I’m now admitting I was wrong. There is something even more ridiculous. Behold, the Ben and Jerry’s Euphori-Lock:

This alpha-numeric lock wraps around the lid of your Ben and Jerry’s pint of ice cream. It does not work on other brands of ice cream, unless they happen to be identical in shape to the Ben and Jerry’s container. Also, IT’S A LOCK FOR YOUR ICE CREAM! It’s a dessert made of milk and sugar, it is NOT nuclear missile codes or uncut diamonds!

I’m starting to believe that I live in a completely different world than product inventors. In their reality, gnomes are probably living creatures and plastic must grow on trees.

Thanks to reader Hennings for sharing this unitasker with us.

50 Comments for “Unitasker Wednesday: Ben and Jerry’s Euphori-Lock”

  1. posted by Ashley on

    I usually completely agree with all your unitasker posts, but this one I could actually use! See, my fiance will sit down, eat an entire pint in a sitting, and still want more. While I savor mine in about four servings. If I’m not fast enough, he’ll eat it all before I even get a bite! The solution is not to buy more ice cream since that will just make us fat, and telling him not to eat it just doesn’t work (his and her’s pints doesn’t work either). In conclusion, I could potentially use this ice cream lock :)

  2. posted by Madieta on

    mmmm… it seems that you never shared a flat with flatmates that came back home, late at night, drunk and hungry. I would totally have used this some years ago…

  3. posted by L. on

    Is it possible that this item is a joke, a gag gift?

  4. Avatar of Erin Doland

    posted by Erin Doland on

    @Madieta — I’ve had roommates eat my ice cream and I still don’t know why anyone would put a lock on his ice cream pint. If someone else eats your ice cream, it just gives you permission to eat theirs at a later date :) Think of it this way: They could get a lock for THEIR ice cream! Then, how could you take a spoonful of their ice cream if you weren’t so interested in the pint you had purchased?! Ha!

  5. posted by Robin on

    Ok, you’re just wrong. This is AWESOME!! I still think the donut thing is just stupid because how long does it take to eat a donut? But, in my house, if you neglect to eat your entire pint of ice cream, you’re likely to come back to an empty pint box (usually still in the freezer). Even though we each get our favorite flavors, when they’ve eaten all of theirs and only mine is left, they’ll settle!

  6. posted by Tina on

    Here B&J has gone up to $5 a pint. I’m very picky about what flavors I like while my friend is not. He eats all his ice cream and then well…only mine is left. Ashley, I’m glad to hear about another guy eating a pint in a sitting….

  7. posted by Lia on

    Back when I could buy Ben & Jerry’s factory seconds in Burlington Vermont for $1.25 a pint I never would have purchased this. But now, when pints are $5 and up (depending on where purchased) I can definitely see a need for a lock. I only wish this had happened years ago. It would have avoided many arguments!

  8. posted by Chris on

    This item is not a unitasker – it’s a gag gift. I guess any gag gift could be considered a waste of money, but with that rational so could anything not completely necessary to survival. – artwork, lawnmower, throw pillows, etc …

  9. Avatar of

    posted by SpecialK08 on

    If I really wanted to eat someone’s ice cream this would not stop me – I would use a knife to cut into the container!

  10. posted by Gumnos on

    It’s a good thing the B&J cartons are composed of adamantium rather than some pervious material such as cardboard. How foolish of them to have crafted their containers with the fatal flaw of allowing any plebe to open the container without knowing a security code.

  11. posted by Alice F. on

    Having had a pint of Ben & Jerry’s stolen out of my dorm freezer when I was in college, I think this could be very useful indeed! :) My only consolation then was that I had already eaten half of it directly out of the container, so I hoped the person who stole the rest got some nasty germs from me. ;)

  12. posted by Alison on

    When softened slightly, ice cream (and it’s container) is pretty malleable. I think a determined ice cream thief could wangle the prize out of the lock. Of course, a sharp knife around the edge will do the trick. A lock might just make the hard-core more determined :)

  13. posted by Kara on

    Slightly tongue in cheek, but slightly not:

    As someone who has lost 100+ lbs and still struggles with weight control, I could totally see getting one of these and having my housemate set the code. That way I couldn’t mindlessly eat ice cream when he’s not here. I’d have to wait for him to come home and unlock the pint. :)

  14. posted by Zac on

    This product is completely useless. If your drunk room-mate comes home and wants ice cream and finds this lock you are 10 seconds from one of two drunken solutions: Hammer-time or knife to the bottom of the container. In all likelihood you’re endangering your drunk room mate by making them use knives and hammers on your ice cream. Save a life… don’t buy this thing.

  15. posted by Paula on

    You say unitasker, I say vital tool for my happiness and well-being! :)

  16. Avatar of Erin Doland

    posted by Erin Doland on

    Oh my goodness, I am LOVING all of the suggestions for how to get around the lock and continue to be an ice cream thief. You guys are making me laugh today!!

  17. posted by cc on

    I understand the point of this product completely– at my house, if you’re going to buy Ben and Jerry’s, you’d better be prepared to eat it all on the way home, because it will never make it in the freezer. A note marking the owner just doesn’t cut it, and experience tells me that anyone who wants to get into that carton is going to get in, no matter what. :/ Maybe a full-container lock box?

  18. posted by Mimi on

    absolutely needless. my freezer has a lock,that protects pizza as well, hehe :)

  19. posted by Joyce on

    I think the real solution is a fake box to hide the ice cream in. A box labelled “Brussel Sprouts” ought to do the trick…

  20. posted by Pammyfay on

    There’s a flaw in this product: It’s not hooked up to your home security system so that a horrendously loud siren sounds and police come running out! (But I don’t think that would stop even me if I really wanted a Ben & Jerry’s fix…)

    Zac and Joyce: You are too funny!

    Lia: Just what made those pints “factory seconds”? Label printed backwards? Lacking the minimum percentage of mix-ins? I just can’t imagine!

  21. posted by Paige on

    This needs to be a full carton vault. I buy B&J for me and Breyers for the kids. (they eat wayyyyy more per serving)
    I would totally buy this to keep my precious B&J safe from my growing teen boys.

  22. posted by Jaimie on

    I also have a husband who likes to finish off my ice cream (he ate more ice cream than I did after my tonsillectomy), but that lock would not stop the determined from getting into it.

  23. posted by Kat on

    With their ice cream costing a small fortune, even on sale and roommates, this is actually pretty awesome. It sends a strong message to your roommates they can’t just eat whatever they want and that they need to respect boundaries. Especially since they are not the ones buying good ice cream!

  24. posted by infmom on

    I saw this in the Exposures catalog yesterday. A personalized silver ice cream pint holder.

    http://www.exposuresonline.com.....CMP=Search

  25. Avatar of

    posted by chacha1 on

    hmmm, as someone who is also married to an ice-cream thief, I have to admit this is funny … and potentially useful. It is, however, indisputably a unitasker! Now that other premium ice creams’ “pints” are no longer pints.

    I may have to resort to camouflage as Joyce suggests. My ice-cream thief has never yet taken Brussels Sprouts out of the freezer for a snack. That is pure genius. I am going to get a big bag of frozen veg of the type he never touches, cook it up, then use the empty bag to hide my ice cream.

  26. posted by Kevin Miller on

    You might want to recalibrate your joke sensors. The donut-to-go thing was clearly, obviously a joke. So is this, but in more of a winking “This is silly but someone might actually use it” way. There are plenty of sincere-but-dumb unclutterers out there to mock; for this one, Ben and Jerry are obviously in on the joke.

  27. posted by Henave on

    I have my kids’ junk food hidden in the blender in a cupboard (little debbies), a drawer of the china cabinet (chocolate candy) and an empty box of brown sugar (pop tarts). I’m off the junk food completely and my husband has no self control, so the subterfuge works well. It also helps the kids b/c of out of sight out of mind. Unfortunately, we have a small kitchen and an open floorplan house, so they have to look to see who is around before breaking into the blender for an oatmeal pie!

  28. posted by Julie Bestry on

    I haven’t had to worry about ice cream thieves since graduate school, but as a relatively new diabetic still coping with the horrors of a QUARTER cup ice cream serving, it would be kind of tempting to ask a friend to lock down my ice cream with a code I couldn’t guess, once I’d had my share. No, I don’t suppose I’d buy this, but neither would I reject it as a gift.

  29. posted by Julia on

    You clearly have never had (or been) an ice cream addicted roommate.

  30. posted by Nana on

    As one who was formerly married to an ice cream thief (the kind who put the empty carton back in the freezer), I would have LOVED this. [He was also too lazy to go for a knife or other tool.]

  31. posted by Pam on

    My first thought was that this would actually serve the opposite purpose by enticing people to beat the system to get at your ice cream. Seriously, would a plastic lock even work on a paperboard container? Seems like the fun would be in trying to find a way to cut a hole in the container, eat the ice cream, and then reseal it to look untouched. The joke, of course, is on the person who PAID for the ice cream AND the lock and then lost their ice cream anyway.

  32. posted by mara on

    I would totally use this. Just saying.

  33. Avatar of

    posted by writing all the time on

    Oh, it’s like trying to keep bees from their honey, a mama bear from her cubs, a miser from his hoard.

    (tv show Mission Impossible music plays in the background)

    A black car races through the night. The engine is turned off, and it rolls silently to a stop, somewhere in the world.

    A black clad individual gets out, holding a small bag tightly in one arm, and creeps up the driveway to the door, without a sound.

    The door opens, there’s a split-second creak, and the black clad figure freezes, the small package gripped closer and tighter.

    No one in the house responds. The figure enters, leaving the door open behind itself. The figure makes its way to the hall closet, home to the vacuum cleaner and assorted other supplies. Unbeknownst to the rest of the family, it also holds The Vault. Disguised as a rag bin, it is really a small, highly energy efficient freezer.

    It holds one thing, and one thing only. The Ice Cream.
    The figure removes the cover that disguises The Vault, keys in the code that changes automatically and randomly, sending the new code to the figure’s burn phone and nowhere else.

    The figure places The Ice Cream in The Vault, closes the tiny door, waits to hear the very small ‘snick’ that means The Vault is once again locked and secured.
    The figure replaces the disguise of rags, brushes, and bits of lint, and leaves the closet, silently, swiftly.

    The figure exits the house, darts back into the car and swiftly changes. A work-out suit, perhaps. The black-out gear is hidden in a secret compartment.

    The figure, now dressed in civilian clothing, enters the house for the last time that day, closing that damned noisy back door with a slam.

    “Hi, Honey, I’m home!”

  34. posted by Shawanda on

    I need a lock for roasted almonds. I can’t stop eating them. The fat in nuts is only healthy when you’re not eating 900 calories worth in one sitting.

  35. posted by Karen on

    Special K08–that was my thought. My parents used to share a pint of Cherry Garcia frozen yogurt, by slicing through the container, vertically, so each got an equal half of the pint. My dad said that was the only way to make sure they each got their fair share and avoid a nasty argument.

  36. posted by Elizabeth DiPalma on

    This is the best round of comments ever! The Brussels Sprouts Decoy is my personal favorite.
    Anyhow, I was all for the lock until some of you pointed out that the carton is vulnerable: a knife (or a hammer??? really???) would gain entry.

    Clearly what B&J need is a FULL CARTON protector. Carton goes in, lock the sucker, and your precious ice cream is safe. If it kept the stuff cold (for transport) so much the better. On a larger scale, I see the need for a fridge with separate, lockable freezer compartments. I want to do the ad campaign…

  37. posted by Claycat on

    This is funny! I know why the inventor came up with this idea. When I buy Ben & Jerry’s Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough ice cream, I have to buy a pint for my husband and one for me. We have too much trouble sharing one! LOL! Unfortunately, my pint disappears in a couple of days, because I have no self-control. My husband saves his for the weekend. I suffer until he finishes his.

    We don’t get it very often, because we are rural, and we have to go to a large HEB to get it. That only happens once or twice a month. Last trip, they didn’t have any!!!!

  38. posted by Paige on

    Writing All The Time…….you made me laugh. I want a freezer vault!

  39. posted by Shalin on

    For $7, this unitasker would be a funny gag gift…and that’s about it. Also, it might help with kiddos getting into the ice cream…and/or start their code/lock-breaking skills really early :-P

  40. posted by Ang. on

    Relax, have a laugh. This is a cute gag gift, not a uni-tasker. And the line, “I’m terribly sorry, but there is no ‘u’ in ‘my pint'” is priceless.

  41. posted by Jennifer on

    See, if they made more of these for more things, I would buy them. I generally eat very healthfully, but whenever I buy a bit of junk food for an indulgence, one of my roomies eats it. I’ve tried threatening them with a pickaxe, but whether it’s potato chips, ice cream, cake, or chicken tenders, someone else eats it.

    I probably should start hiding all my junk food in healthy food containers. They never touch my vegetables or lean meats…

  42. posted by S on

    This is the best gag gift EVER! It should be on thinkgeek.com.

    I must admit, if someone gave this to me…I would probably use it :-P

  43. posted by Paula on

    @ Claycat: There may not be a “u” in “my pint” but there is also no “his” in marriage, especially where ice-cream is concerned. Anything in that freezer, belongs either solely to you or to both of you, and don’t let him convince you otherwise.

  44. posted by Liz on

    A friend bought me one of these as a gag gift a while back. If you were attempting to use it seriously, there are a few flaws. The password is PINT and it’s a bit hard not to get melting ice cream on it as you put it on and take it off. I used it a few times because it was funny and then tossed it. The pint cozy, however, is TOTALLY worth it. I have two–one for my husband and one for me.

  45. posted by Carol on

    Oh, this is not at all a unitasker – this sounds like a very very usual item. Kudos to the inventor – I hope you sell a ton of them!

  46. posted by Lisa on

    Ben & Jerry’s Phish Food is a gift from God. No lock needed – hide the container behind bags of frozen brussels sprouts…

  47. posted by guest on

    giving the many flavours of ben and jerry, this is hardly a unitasker! Chunky Monkey and Cherry Garcia…I second the Phish Food..hmmm..

  48. posted by Sara on

    I need to order one of these I live with an ice cream addict husband who eats any ice cream I bring home before I even get a scoop. Thought maybe I need to lock the entire kitchen so the chips, crackers and food in general can survive his post bike ride food binge.

  49. posted by julie on

    when I lived in University residence, I was hiding my ice cream in yoghurt containers. Never had problems…But this looks useful for a roommate/partner/diet situation.

  50. posted by Brookston John on

    Wherever they thought this up, the breakroom fridge must be a war zone…
    “I spit in this”
    “So did I”
    “Did not!”
    “Did SO!”

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