Comments on: Is a surprise wedding the perfect solution for a procrastinator?

By: Charlotte

Charlotte — Mon, 07 Nov 2011 16:48:32 +0000

My brother married his long-term girlfriend after an engagement of only four months. It was a collossal relief to me (as a member of the wedding party) to NOT have to do all of the [cursing] stuff that comes with a traditional wedding. The whole affair was short, sweet, and elegant.

By: MessyMom

MessyMom — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 03:16:21 +0000

I would not like to be surprised, but I definitely support uncluttered weddings. My husband and I eloped shortly after 9/11 because he is in the military and we thought he would get called up. We were married in a garden by a private minister. I bought a white formal the night before and my husband wore his dress uniform. The minister even took some pictures for us. It was one of the best decisions we ever made. While I understand that some friends and family were disappointed that they could not be there, the day was all about us and not about living up to other people’s expectations. The whole thing cost only a couple hundred dollars. We had been engaged for quite some time and my husband said later that he doubted I would have actually married him if I’d had to deal with the ordeal of planning a big ceremony. Which might be true. If we’d had more money, it would have been nice to have some type of reception later so that family and friends could celebrate with us.

By: Jodi

Jodi — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 21:41:43 +0000

We never had a reception (and we had angry relatives who thought the day was about them being invited, sigh). Its been the relatives that’s encouraged me to procrastinate the reception…I wish I had thought of the “surprise the guests” idea!

In fact, I like the mental unclutteredness of it so much I might just do the reception after all…Christmas would be a lovely excuse to get everyone together!

When I was a teenager my boss got married. Her husband proposed and expected her to say she wanted a June wedding…ha! She asked for New Years Eve! She said it would be easier because the church would already be decorated for Christmas!

I loved the logic and simplicity!

By: Sherill

Sherill — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 17:32:19 +0000

I am against the majority of weddings, primarily because they are twisted into these long drawn out months of preparation with bitter arguments and thousands of dollars spent…for just ONE day. How much better would it be if people actually got married for themselves without spending an entire fortune that could be better spent on something wise.

In this instance, provided parties really DO want to get married, it seems that they got married without the drama and all that ridiculous expense. Good for them, I wish them all the best for the future, a future that will probably be all the better because they didn’t spend a years salary on a dress and a cake…

By: Linda

Linda — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 14:11:23 +0000

In my faith (Baha’i) we are encouraged to limit the engagement period to three months. I believe this allows the couple to concentrate on the important things–making sure they are well-suited to each other. In our daughter’s case, we (she and her husband and my husband and I) planned her wedding in six weeks. People helped out, it was lovely, and there was no time for all that fighting and and over-spending.

We had a similarly simple wedding 38 years ago, and I had to laugh when she apologized for wanting a small wedding–she had never really looked at our wedding pictures! To each his own, but I really like the way our weddings were done.

By: Pam

Pam — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 13:09:54 +0000

I think a wedding day should represent both people in the union. To rob the groom of even being able to invite his coworkers or have any input seems very one-sided, and it leaves me wondering what motivated her to do this. It also makes me wonder if maybe they’re starting this will a less than ideal level of trust between them.

Hope it worked out for them, but it just feels very wrong.

By: Natalie in West Oz

Natalie in West Oz — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 13:01:17 +0000

The couple are Kiwis (otherwise known as New Zealanders – us Aussies can pick that twang anywhere). In NZ, only ONE Person has to sign the ‘intent to marry’ form. I know this becuase I googled it and read it : ).

However, I dont think he was a procrastinator. He kept asking her to marry him and she kept saying ‘One day’. Then, she sprung it on him. Maybe he would have liked the whole big wedding if given the option but I think he was just happy to FINALLY marry the woman he loved.

By: Linda

Linda — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 01:30:58 +0000

I am married but my husband would LOVE it if I did something like this for him! In fact, as far as he is concerned, I tell him too often about plans.

By: CM

CM — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 01:17:38 +0000

Different CM here. I love the idea of a surprise wedding that surprises the guests!

By: lisa

lisa — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 00:43:23 +0000

We focus on what a wedding is supposed to be, not what it can be. That wouldn’t be my way, but what a great story to tell the grandkids someday, right? Gutsy and fun.

By: Missy P

Missy P — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 22:20:33 +0000

This is an interesting question. As a woman I would be furious, but since he was a guy, she surprised him, they had discussed marriage at length, and they both seemed very happy—I see no problem with it. Weddings are a very personal thing, I think we have tried too hard to make them fit a specific mold of 1 year engagement, wedding, fancy meals, receptions that cost $50 per person. Do what works for you as a couple.

By: CM

CM — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 20:36:04 +0000

A friend of a friend had a surprise wedding in which none of the invitees knew it was a wedding. They invited their closest friends and family for a party at a restaurant (I forget the exact premise they provided). After everyone had arrived and had some food, the couple stood up, someone performed the marriage ceremony, and they were married! Talk about no frills.

By: Jess

Jess — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 19:02:02 +0000

This made me smile so much! I would have been more than ok with this. Planning our wedding made me feel ill and husband is not a planner either, so we sort of last minute booked a trip to an island to get married, and then told our parents where we were going so they could book a trip to the island next door if they wanted. We had planned to plan a reception later, but that never happened due to a layoff and us really not caring about having a reception.

The wife in the video must have known her husband would have been totally fine with this. If you are meant to be married, you would pretty much know if your partner would be ok with this or not, and what type of things they would and would not be ok with in regards to a wedding. It would be different for every couple.

The only strange thing I thought of, like Nancy above, was about the marriage license. How did that work? Maybe in other countries it is different?

By: leonie

leonie — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 17:56:15 +0000

Susan in FL.
Epic. Great story
likewise Lucy.
Congrats to you both.

By: lucy1965

lucy1965 — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 16:41:39 +0000

My (second) wedding was very simple in an effort to keep the peace: our mothers — in two different parts of the US — were fighting so much over the details that both families were about to come to blows. We quietly went to the county courthouse with our son and two friends, married, and spent the evening in an Irish pub (when we showed the landlord the marriage certificate, the whole place toasted us and we couldn’t buy a drink all night).

Next morning we called our parents and said, in essence, “We’re married. We are coming to visit you. If you feel moved to have some people over for cake, that would be lovely; if not, that’s okay, because it’s not the primary reason for the visit.” There was epic sulking (my MIL hasn’t gotten over it) but we’re still married 15 years later and from our perspective, that’s the important bit.