Is a surprise wedding the perfect solution for a procrastinator?

Today’s post falls into the We Don’t Know What To Think category. Is it the perfect solution when one person in a relationship loves to organize and the other person doesn’t? Is this a procrastinator’s dream situation when he is head over heels in love with a non-procrastinator? Is it the worst idea we’ve ever encountered? Would we be incredibly angry if someone had done it to us? Or, would we have been incredibly relieved, the way the “I’ll get to it one day” guy in this video appears to be?

From the website RightThisMinute.com:

Is this the ultimate uncluttered wedding (at least for the unsuspecting groom)? Or, is it strange? Would you have responded as positively to it as the groom did? Would you be the organized one and spring it on your future spouse? We still don’t know what we think about it, so share your responses in the comments. One thing we do know is that the couple appears very happy, and that made us smile.

24 Comments for “Is a surprise wedding the perfect solution for a procrastinator?”

  1. posted by Renee on

    Hi Erin,

    We women tend to plan weddings. This was even more amazing that the man plans their wedding on the sly: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XyvA1opjPjM It is a little long, but it was perfect. He brought clothes for his future spouse and makeup and everything.

  2. Profile photo of Erin Doland

    posted by Erin Doland on

    @Renee — Oh! That link was fantastic, too!! I love that the bride said at the end about how happy she was to not have to deal with the stress.

  3. posted by Nancy Roessner on

    Sounds fishy to me. Didn’t the groom have to be there to apply for a marriage license. How could she do that on her own?

  4. posted by Jen on

    This sounds like a great idea if it would work for the couple involved. However, I am a pretty organized person married to a super-procrastinator (and i HATE to procrastinate). I know from experience, in planning our wedding and many other things over the last 16 years together, that he would have been very unhappy with a surprise wedding – while he likes to procrastinate, he also likes to be involved in making the decisions. This is somewhat of a problem that we always have to manage, because it stresses me out to wait till the last minute. So we just try our best to strike a balance between doing things super early (as I’d prefer) and waiting until the last minute (as he’d prefer). It usually ends up with me laying out a schedule and doing a little (ok, a lot) more of the up-front planning work, just telling him along the way where and when decisions have to be made. It’s probably the biggest sticking point in our relationship, but if that’s the hardest thing we have to deal with then we’re pretty lucky.

  5. Profile photo of

    posted by Mimi on

    from my point of view, it is respectless.

  6. posted by Susan in FL on

    My husband of 48 (soon to be 49) years and I eloped and it was unplanned. He was driving me home after an office party.
    He said, “If I had $100.00, we’d go get married right now.”
    I said, “How much do you have?”
    He said, “$20.00″
    I said, “I have the rest.”
    So we drove all night and were married the next morning.

  7. posted by henave on

    I think this was great! Weddings should be a happy event and they both seemed very happy. I’m assuming she knew him well enough to know that he would go along with the whole surprise idea and they did not have families expecting a big formal wedding either.

  8. posted by Jodi on

    I think it depends on the person/people and the decisions involved.

    We did not have a wedding in the traditional sense. We were married early one morning before the judge’s hearings started for the day.

    It was wonderful! No shopping for a dress, no wondering if the flowers were the right color, no planning food, calling the banquet service, finding out the photographer would be late…even in a wedding where everything goes perfectly, planning all that takes time, energy and money…none of which we had extra. The district justice took our picture, and we exchanged paper rings we made that morning at the courthouse.

    I am very glad my/our families were not there. They would have fought, bickered and complained in some way shape or form. The day was 100% focused on our relationship…not on the party for anyone else, and I loved it!

    I could see other people wanting the party and having their heart set on it…but relationshiply (is that even a word??) a surprise wedding (groom) isn’t all that different than a bride-and-mother-planned event that the groom is expected to just show up for.

    I would have been absolutely in love with the idea if my husband would have surprised me that way.

  9. posted by Matt on

    Isn’t that what Vegas is for? ;)

  10. posted by lucy1965 on

    My (second) wedding was very simple in an effort to keep the peace: our mothers — in two different parts of the US — were fighting so much over the details that both families were about to come to blows. We quietly went to the county courthouse with our son and two friends, married, and spent the evening in an Irish pub (when we showed the landlord the marriage certificate, the whole place toasted us and we couldn’t buy a drink all night).

    Next morning we called our parents and said, in essence, “We’re married. We are coming to visit you. If you feel moved to have some people over for cake, that would be lovely; if not, that’s okay, because it’s not the primary reason for the visit.” There was epic sulking (my MIL hasn’t gotten over it) but we’re still married 15 years later and from our perspective, that’s the important bit.

  11. posted by leonie on

    Susan in FL.
    Epic. Great story
    likewise Lucy.
    Congrats to you both.

  12. posted by Jess on

    This made me smile so much! I would have been more than ok with this. Planning our wedding made me feel ill and husband is not a planner either, so we sort of last minute booked a trip to an island to get married, and then told our parents where we were going so they could book a trip to the island next door if they wanted. We had planned to plan a reception later, but that never happened due to a layoff and us really not caring about having a reception.

    The wife in the video must have known her husband would have been totally fine with this. If you are meant to be married, you would pretty much know if your partner would be ok with this or not, and what type of things they would and would not be ok with in regards to a wedding. It would be different for every couple.

    The only strange thing I thought of, like Nancy above, was about the marriage license. How did that work? Maybe in other countries it is different?

  13. posted by CM on

    A friend of a friend had a surprise wedding in which none of the invitees knew it was a wedding. They invited their closest friends and family for a party at a restaurant (I forget the exact premise they provided). After everyone had arrived and had some food, the couple stood up, someone performed the marriage ceremony, and they were married! Talk about no frills.

  14. posted by Missy P on

    This is an interesting question. As a woman I would be furious, but since he was a guy, she surprised him, they had discussed marriage at length, and they both seemed very happy—I see no problem with it. Weddings are a very personal thing, I think we have tried too hard to make them fit a specific mold of 1 year engagement, wedding, fancy meals, receptions that cost $50 per person. Do what works for you as a couple.

  15. posted by lisa on

    We focus on what a wedding is supposed to be, not what it can be. That wouldn’t be my way, but what a great story to tell the grandkids someday, right? Gutsy and fun.

  16. posted by CM on

    Different CM here. I love the idea of a surprise wedding that surprises the guests!

  17. posted by Linda on

    I am married but my husband would LOVE it if I did something like this for him! In fact, as far as he is concerned, I tell him too often about plans.

  18. posted by Natalie in West Oz on

    The couple are Kiwis (otherwise known as New Zealanders – us Aussies can pick that twang anywhere). In NZ, only ONE Person has to sign the ‘intent to marry’ form. I know this becuase I googled it and read it : ).

    However, I dont think he was a procrastinator. He kept asking her to marry him and she kept saying ‘One day’. Then, she sprung it on him. Maybe he would have liked the whole big wedding if given the option but I think he was just happy to FINALLY marry the woman he loved.

  19. posted by Pam on

    I think a wedding day should represent both people in the union. To rob the groom of even being able to invite his coworkers or have any input seems very one-sided, and it leaves me wondering what motivated her to do this. It also makes me wonder if maybe they’re starting this will a less than ideal level of trust between them.

    Hope it worked out for them, but it just feels very wrong.

  20. posted by Linda on

    In my faith (Baha’i) we are encouraged to limit the engagement period to three months. I believe this allows the couple to concentrate on the important things–making sure they are well-suited to each other. In our daughter’s case, we (she and her husband and my husband and I) planned her wedding in six weeks. People helped out, it was lovely, and there was no time for all that fighting and and over-spending.

    We had a similarly simple wedding 38 years ago, and I had to laugh when she apologized for wanting a small wedding–she had never really looked at our wedding pictures! To each his own, but I really like the way our weddings were done.

  21. posted by Sherill on

    I am against the majority of weddings, primarily because they are twisted into these long drawn out months of preparation with bitter arguments and thousands of dollars spent…for just ONE day. How much better would it be if people actually got married for themselves without spending an entire fortune that could be better spent on something wise.

    In this instance, provided parties really DO want to get married, it seems that they got married without the drama and all that ridiculous expense. Good for them, I wish them all the best for the future, a future that will probably be all the better because they didn’t spend a years salary on a dress and a cake…

  22. posted by Jodi on

    We never had a reception (and we had angry relatives who thought the day was about them being invited, sigh). Its been the relatives that’s encouraged me to procrastinate the reception…I wish I had thought of the “surprise the guests” idea!

    In fact, I like the mental unclutteredness of it so much I might just do the reception after all…Christmas would be a lovely excuse to get everyone together!

    When I was a teenager my boss got married. Her husband proposed and expected her to say she wanted a June wedding…ha! She asked for New Years Eve! She said it would be easier because the church would already be decorated for Christmas!

    I loved the logic and simplicity!

  23. posted by MessyMom on

    I would not like to be surprised, but I definitely support uncluttered weddings. My husband and I eloped shortly after 9/11 because he is in the military and we thought he would get called up. We were married in a garden by a private minister. I bought a white formal the night before and my husband wore his dress uniform. The minister even took some pictures for us. It was one of the best decisions we ever made. While I understand that some friends and family were disappointed that they could not be there, the day was all about us and not about living up to other people’s expectations. The whole thing cost only a couple hundred dollars. We had been engaged for quite some time and my husband said later that he doubted I would have actually married him if I’d had to deal with the ordeal of planning a big ceremony. Which might be true. If we’d had more money, it would have been nice to have some type of reception later so that family and friends could celebrate with us.

  24. posted by Charlotte on

    My brother married his long-term girlfriend after an engagement of only four months. It was a collossal relief to me (as a member of the wedding party) to NOT have to do all of the [cursing] stuff that comes with a traditional wedding. The whole affair was short, sweet, and elegant.

Comments are closed.