All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!
For the second week in a row, I’m a little stumped about the intended purpose of the device we’ve chosen for the Unitasker Wednesday feature. In this specific case, it’s pretty clear what it does — you pick up pine cones (or apples, walnuts, Magnolia pods) with it. However, I don’t know why someone would want to pick up pine cones into a tube. Introducing the Coneivore Pine Cone Pickup Tool:
As someone who lives in the middle of a forest, I have numerous pine cones in my yard. I also have pine needles, dead leaves from deciduous trees, sticks, acorns, and remnants of what used to be flowers before the deer and rabbits decided to have a snack. Before I can mow the yard, I have to rake up all the debris so these things don’t clog up my reel mower. My neighbors rake their yards so these things don’t become deathly projectiles shooting out the side of their gas powered mowers. We all have to rake before we mow, so why make things more complicated with an additional step of first collecting all of the pine cones into a tube? Once you pick up all the pine cones, do you dump them into the compost bin or rubbish pile with the other stuff you raked up separately? Are pine cones some special class of yard debris that require VIP treatment? Should I also be hiring a limo and taking my pine cones out for a night on the town? Are they too good to be touched by a rake? Maybe the Coneivore is for artists who work with pine cones as their medium? Oh, or maybe Girl Scout leaders who help kids turn pine cones into squirrel feeders by covering them in peanut butter?
My gut tells me that there is some intended purpose for this device that I am just failing to recognize. Share your guesses in the comments, and thank reader BG for finding it for us.