Ask Unclutterer: Not displaying family photographs
Reader Mary submitted the following to Ask Unclutterer:
My parents divorced when I was quite young, and little evidence of their past relationship remains in our lives. Being the most sentimental of the three kids, I am in possession what is, to my knowledge, the only remaining wedding photograph, a framed 8×10 that has been sitting at the back of my closet for years.
I am now in the process of permanently cleaning my possessions out of my childhood home, and I feel like it would be weird to display this framed photograph in my new home, since I am basically the only person left on the planet who feels sentimental about this long-since-ended marriage.
In addition, I live with a partner who does not have the same sense of sentimentality as I do, who does not tend to favor displaying family photographs in the home (an uncluttered philosophy I generally support), and who in fact has never met one of the parents in the picture.
Do you have any suggestions for what to do with this framed photograph that nobody but me wants to look at, but I could definitely not get rid of? I suppose I could digitize it, but then what? I don’t know if I could bring myself to throw out the original. One more consideration is that it’s not a very high-quality photograph, so it wouldn’t even really be that attractive to display–its value is purely (but extremely) sentimental.
I’d start by removing the image from the frame and having it digitally scanned. I wouldn’t have it scanned for the purpose of getting rid of the original, but rather so you have a copy of it in case your home is ever destroyed in a disaster (fire, flood, tornado, etc.). Upload the file to a secure and private online account (like you can do with Flickr), so if you ever need to make a copy you can easily do it.
As far as the original is concerned, I’m greatly in favor of keeping it. Being an unclutterer doesn’t mean your home has to be void of any personal or sentimental objects, it just means you’ve chosen not to let these items overwhelm your space and distract you from pursuing the life of your dreams. One photograph of your parents’ wedding day is unlikely a distraction.
The frame seems to be a little bulky, though, and unnecessary if you don’t want to hang the image on your wall. (Heck, even if your parents were still together, I doubt you’d be hanging up their wedding portrait.) I recommend heading to your local camera store and talking with an employee about all of your image preservation options.
For the print photographs I have decided to keep (in addition to their digital backups), I have them stored in an archival quality, acid-free, photo storage box. Also, because I’m a believer that if I’m going to keep something I’m going to care for it as best as I possibly can, I got a pair of darkroom photography gloves to handle the images. The employee at your local camera store might have more options, so definitely find out what she suggests, too.
Thank you, Mary, for submitting your question for our Ask Unclutterer column. Be sure to check the comments for even more suggestions from our readers.
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35 comments posted
Posted by Sassy - 07/08/2011
I smiled as I read this because my husband and I do in fact have our parents’ wedding pictures displayed along with ours in three antique bubble frames that I had collected over the years.
Posted by smallLife - 07/08/2011
I second Erin’s suggestion to take it out of the frame. I had a number of meaningful (5×8′s in my case) photos that I did not want to display. Out of their frames I was able to fit them all into a small box along with other flat mementos!
Posted by Lynda - 07/08/2011
I vote scan and store. And label with names, dates of birth, date of wedding, maybe places of birth and location of wedding for those genealogists and local historians out there! Do you have any personal attachment to the frame, could it be reused or can it go?
Posted by Mo - 07/08/2011
One thing that has helped me in my uncluttering quest has been creating a “memories box.” I began with a cardboard box, looking for a while for a box that would look good on my bookcase. People are surprised to learn that it is used for storage.
Knowing that I had a place for purely sentimental things made prioritizing and letting things go easier. It has my Girl Scout sash with all the badges, shells from beach trips, my maiden great aunt’s umbrella brooch, and other things that are treasures to noone but me.
It’s funny, but people actually seem to like me to show them the stuff. I think the fact that the collection is neatly stored and quite eclectic and personal helps. When you honor your sentimentality rather than indulge it, it can feed you life in positive ways.
Posted by KarenZ - 07/08/2011
Keep the photo. I recently discovered a long-lost picture of my great-great grandparents. They weren’t divorced, but the picture would be no less precious to me if they had been.
Posted by Lynsey - 07/08/2011
I am an avid picture-taker. I scrapbook, but I usually end up with tons of wedding photos, beyond what I’d include in my albums. I’ve found the solution is to do a “wedding book.” I think most of us, even non-scrapbookers, end up with tons of photos from weddings, and having them stored all in one easily perused place is a good solution for anyone.
Posted by Another Deb - 07/08/2011
Your siblings might not be sentimental, but another generation down the road, you may have a genealogist in the family. To have a print on hard copy is extremely valuable, since people might not think to look in your digital files sometime in the future, or have access to a flickr account.
I struggle with the digital records as permanant archives, so have posted many photos onto Ancestry.com in hopes that in the future, anyone can access them.
Posted by DawnF - 07/08/2011
If you remove it from the frame, perhaps you could place it in an archival quality sleeve or envelope and then place it in your baby book (if your mother made one) or in some sort of family photo album or family scrapbook.
If you store is in a keepsake box or memory box perhaps it would be best to leave it in the frame so the photograph doesn’t get damaged.
Please keep the photo one way or another (and do consider making a digital copy as a back-up). I am so happy my mother saved her formal wedding photographs for me even after my parents divorced when I was only 1 year old. It’s part of my history and plan to make sure that my son knows that part of his history, too – no matter what the outcome of the story was/is.
I know the trend is to digitize everything on the face of the Earth, but having an original “antique”
version of a special photograph like yours is so special (in my eyes).
Posted by Christina - 07/08/2011
After it is scanned, you can always shrink it(and other sentimental photos) down to yearbook portrait size. Then simply make a collage inside a regular sized picture frame that can fit on your desk. This way, you can still appreciate it, but it won’t be so conspicuous.
Posted by Sue B - 07/08/2011
Also remember that after being scanned, you can get the photo reprinted in a small, more convienent size which may make it look better. You could display a 5×7 or 4×6 copy along with other family photos of the same size to make a collection.
Posted by ccherry - 07/08/2011
If you are looking for resources and advice on properly storing your photos, documents and other family items please visit your local museum.
I, and most of my colleagues, love helping people figure out what they have and the best way to care for it. I purchase acid free file folders by the hundreds and 50 foot long rolls of mylar so why should you when you only need one folder and enough mylar to safely store that baptismal certificate of you great-grandfather’s? Some small museums have a fee schedule for supplies and time and some just want a little something dropped in the donation box. We, and the archives we often house or work with, are often overlooked resources which often leaves me scratching my head, after all it can be said we store things today so that tomorrow may use them.
Posted by Vikki - 07/08/2011
I have my mom’s wedding portrait on display in my guest bedroom. And my grandparents are in my living room. I plan on culling some of the photos that I have displayed, but those two won’t be among the ones that I cull. They’re important to me. Granted neither of those divorced, though my grandfather did pass away and my grandmother remarried.
I agree with the previous commenters. Store them for the next generation in a way that doesn’t take up much space.
Posted by gerette - 07/08/2011
First off, Mary, my family situation is almost identical to yours, so I sympathize with you. In my case, I have hung the two wedding pictures I have (one of the whole wedding party, one just of my mom), but I have a LOT of family photos hung on my walls. If hanging pics isn’t your thing, but putting the photo away completely doesn’t feel right, another suggestion would be to get a digital photo frame and load a scanned version of the pic along with other digital photos so that it comes up as the pictures rotate through. You’ll see it occasionally and remember that even though the marriage ended, you and your siblings are here as a testament to it.
Posted by Keter - 07/08/2011
My family situation was a mess, I ended up being the last left alive, and what little ended up in my possession, I don’t care to look at. Still, it is history and I had a son, so I stored everything in a single trunk in case he wants it some day. While he was growing up, I was so poor I couldn’t afford a camera or film developing, so there aren’t too many pictures of us, either, but those are in the trunk, too. Now that he’s grown, he’s not sentimental, so he doesn’t want the stuff. I guess it will stay in the trunk and he can throw it out, or not, when he inherits it.
Posted by Amanda - 07/08/2011
Wow, I come from an almost identical family situation too. My parents separated and divorced before I was a year old, and being an only child, there are hardly any pictures of us as a family either. For Christmas a couple of years ago, my mom put all of the pictures of us in a photo album for me. That way I don’t have to hang them up, but they’re readily available whenever I want to see them.
Posted by Fred - 07/09/2011
Mary, it sounds like you would regularly enjoy seeing this moment of happiness. There may be a space in a cupboard or closet where you can place the framed picture as sentimental background you can enjoy whenever you open the storage space. You could hang it or simply prop it up. You could use the original frame or replace it with a simpler one. You could also hang the photo on the inside of a door only you use, perhaps hanging above a hook.
Posted by Just Thinkin - 07/09/2011
Wow, Freds Idea is/was my idea~! It is still special, as was their love on the day that they married, not to mention the fact that you were created in the light of that love, from the flames of their passion, hold on to the fire and not the ashes.
Posted by Lisa - 07/09/2011
I too don’t decorate with family photos, but there are a few I like having around; one is tucked into the frame of my closet mirror, the other two are affixed to the inside of one kitchen cabinet door, meaning I see them all at least once a day. Scanning is good but then you have to go into your computer and get to the image, and to store the original means you have to again go questing to get to it. This way the photo would be there, unobtrusive, but easily accessible.
Posted by jb - 07/09/2011
I must echo some of the other comments. Please make digital copies AND hold on to the original. Your sibling may not care to have it, but their descendents might. I cannot tell you how happy I was when a distant cousin sent me a copy of a copy of a copy of an old, cracked ambrotype of my great great great grandfather. I had not even known a photograph of him existed. It was rough, but I had it “fixed” at a camera/film/development specialty store and it now hangs in my living room. Family photographs are not simply non-descript clutter. It is unfair to future generations not to preserve them. Someday the children/grandchildren of you or your siblings will be grateful. While not everyone likes to display family photographs, surely you and your partner can find some location in your space to display a photograph that obviously still means a lot to you. Uncluttering doesn’t have to result in a space devoid of all sentimental items.
Posted by Helen - 07/09/2011
I do not like family photos on display. However, I like to have access to some of my family photos, (they are of little interest to anyone but me) so I had the photos copied, made frames from cardboard and designer paper, then hung the photos on the inside of the doors of my closet. It is fun to open a door and see my ancestors. The originals are in an archival box with archival paper, and the decision about what to do with the originals will likely be my children’s responsibility.
Posted by NYCpakrat - 07/09/2011
First, scan it (high quality) so you will always have it. Then you could put a recent photo in front of it and display that. This way you can display a new photo, and still preserve the old one. That’s what I used to do with my niece and nephew’s annual photos. The old were always ‘safe’ and easily accessible and the new ones were displayed.
Posted by Gina - 07/09/2011
I love the idea of the digital picture frame. I am an unclutterer but not much a minimalist, and I like to have some photos around. I like to keep my pics gathered on a shelf, and lean them against the wall stacked 3 or 4 deep. I also keep a basket of loose pics that I can flip through.
Posted by Karen - 07/09/2011
I don’t have any additional ideas for Mary, but she should stop apologizing for wanting to keep the only photo she has of her parents together. I find it interesting that people (like her partner or other posters here) say they don’t like family photos on display, and don’t believe they’re of interest to anyone else.
My mom always hung up family photos from many generations in a hallway or staircase wall, and I know others who do the same. When I’m visiting a friend, or at a party, I always enjoy looking at these and hearing stories about my friend’s great aunt or baby brother. Hell, I think they’re interesting even if I’ve never met you and will never see you again! Photos are the most personal thing you can put in your space; otherwise it’s going to look like a catalog. I think you may be underestimating what others think about them being displayed in your home.
Posted by Xarcady - 07/10/2011
I agree with Karen, Mary should stop apologizing for wanting to keep one single solitary sentimental picture. It’s not clutter, it’s part of her family history.
Either keep it in a memory box, or a scrapbook or inside a closet or someplace where the SO won’t be bothered by it. (Although I admit I’d be bothered by an SO who objected to one family picture displayed some place in our home.) Scrapbooks don’t have to be elaborate affairs with special papers and gizmos on the pages. You can have a simple scrapbook where you just put pictures on the pages to preserve them and protect them. Depending on what you put in a memory box, photos could get damaged.
If Mary gets the picture professionally scanned, they might also be able to fix small defects in the photo, like cracks or water stains or the like.
Even if no one else wants the picture, it is important to Mary. That’s reason enough to keep it, without apologies.
Posted by LAFOU - 07/11/2011
Definitely keep the photo & scan as a back up. I learned the value of the original when getting professional cards with my father’s picture for condolence thank you notes. The best photo we had was a digital, which the printers could not work with. I had an old B&W which worked well, but it was the second choice.
Posted by Debbie M - 07/11/2011
If it can’t be displayed in the home of “the only person left on the planet who feels sentimental about this long-since-ended marriage,” where can it be displayed?
I’m glad the other readers have come up with some good ideas of how to keep it available for you to look at without having to subject it to anyone else much.
Posted by pkilmain - 07/12/2011
I keep a few family photos displayed – limited pretty much to a bookcase top. I like the idea of a digital frame as well. What i do along those lines is to use family photos as the desktop background on my computer. I change it frequently and always enjoy seeing my family members.
And so what if your SO doesn’t like family photos displayed – aren’t you an equal resident of the space? It is not like you’re intending to overrun the home with them, bit you certainly should be able to display a few if it makes you happy.
Posted by JC - 07/12/2011
The only photos we have displayed are a couple snapshots of DH and I on our wedding day tucked into the frame of a photo of the church where we were married.
At our old house I had more photos already hung before we took in our adopted daughter when she was five. It was a matter of fairness to a little girl that we ended up also hanging photos of her and her birth mother (who had been abusive and neglectful, but whom DD still very much loved). When we moved, I simply never “found time” to hang photos beyond the one frame. We have large windows so there is very little wall space available and the walls don’t look bare.
DD is soon to be 16 and is living out of the home in treatment. It is very likely that she will not return to live here again. I am seriously considering hanging some of my favorite photos again (excluding her bio-mom) and doing so without the guilt I would have if I had excluded them while DD was still living at home.
Posted by JC - 07/12/2011
I should have added that DD has the old photos of her bio-mom in her bedroom at the new house.
Posted by Mary - 07/13/2011
I agree in that I don’t necessarily like seeing lots of family photos around the house, but I do enjoy keeping some on my living room coffee table. It’s nice to give guests a little something to look at now and then
Posted by katrina - 07/15/2011
I agree with everyone that you shouldn’t throw away the photo. It obviously matters to you or you wouldn’t be hesitating and asking the question.
If it were my photo, I’d remove it from the frame and keep it with any other photos/papers/whatever I want to keep. I’m guessing there’ll be a few things you’ll be keeping as momentos of your life in your family home. Perhaps the photo could stay with them.
Scanning it is a good idea, especially if you decide you’d like to have the image but you don’t really care if its on paper or not.
You never know … if you have kids they may want to see what their grandparents looked like
Posted by Rosemary Breen|CompatibilityAndLove - 07/17/2011
There is a place for the past and it is in the past and the present.
To deny the past is to repeat it.
Enjoy your photo.
Posted by Wendy - 07/18/2011
You’re not being sentimental! You’re honoring your personal history! No matter what happened to the marriage, they were your mother and father. I would scan it, hold on to the original, and even display it if it makes you happy! And the other posters are right….your future kids and maybe even their kids will be really glad that you did!
Posted by Miss Brooklyn - 07/21/2011
My parents suffered a very acrimonious divorce and decades later my father chose to remove himself from my life without explanation. I still keep a picture of them at his fraternity’s pinning ceremony. I like to be reminded that they were once happy together and my father was capable of love at some point in his life. Also, my mom looks gorgeous in the picture and seeing her so young and beautiful makes me happy. No one who has asked about the picture has ever found it odd that I keep and display it.
Posted by Candace - 07/22/2011
My apologies if this has already been suggested, but how about displaying the scanned photo as a desktop pic or screen saver? That way you can put the original away somewhere for safe keeping and still enjoy the photo often.
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