Unitasker Wednesday: Pineapple slicer

All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

I really enjoyed learning in my European History class in high school that most of the medieval torture devices that come to mind when we hear “medieval torture devices” weren’t actually medieval and weren’t ever used to torture anyone. Objects like the iron maiden and chastity belt were created generations later to scare people and lure visitors into museums (quite the disturbing bait and switch con, in my opinion). Whenever I’m in a kitchen supply store, I always think of those creepy devices and imagine what future generations could make up about the pineapple slicer unitasker:

Brain extruder? Intestine shredder? Ear de-waxer?

All of the ideas that pop into my mind are so much more interesting than what the device actually does. If you’ve ever tried to use a pineapple slicer, you know firsthand that it’s an abysmal failure. Pineapple cores are rarely in a straight line, which means this device isn’t effective at pulling out most cores. All the twisting and handling of the pineapple releases so much juice that your counter is a mess and your fruit is dry by the time you’re finished. And, we all know that the hardest part of preparing a pineapple is cutting off it’s skin — which this device doesn’t do. Since you have to use a KNIFE to remove the skin, why not use the same knife to core and cut up the pineapple?

Maybe the pineapple slicer is a torture device after all — torturing people each time they try to use it, clean it, and sacrifice space to store it!

49 Comments for “Unitasker Wednesday: Pineapple slicer”

  1. posted by fasteddie on

    I’m not saying that it’s not a stupid unitasker – but you do NOT have to remove the skin with a knife. You do waste a lot of pineapple, however. Look at the pictures on Amazon for proof.

  2. posted by SLY on

    I’m glad this made it. The moment i saw it I had to send it in. Although I cut two pineapples last week and I made a huge mess. But I’d rather the mess than using that!

  3. posted by Jim Munro on

    The best way to enjoy pineapple (or any fruit) is prepare and eat it right away. As long as it’s ripe and tasty, it’s never going to get any better and you can collect and eat all that juice as you prepare it. Use a plain, old sharp knife works best and a cutting board with a gutter around the edge to catch juice.

    You could still use the corer as a torture device, I guess. :D

    Now I want some pineapple, yum!

  4. posted by Melissa on

    Ok, I too have mocked the pineapple slicer, until I saw it in action. The skin comes off without help from a knife. It basically gives you a can of sliced pineapple… why not buy the can?

  5. posted by Lilliane P on

    Fascinating info re the Iron Maiden. Did not know that. When I was Venice, I visited the dungeon in the Doge’s palace, and they had all sorts of torture devices on display including an Iron Maiden with what appeared be dried blood on the spikes. Nightmarish to see at the time, especially as I had no way of knowing that it was bogus showmanship from the 19c.

    Fresh pineapples are awesome.

  6. posted by Shalin on

    Worth it’s value (hence, a unitasker)? – no
    Surprisingly, even mesmerizingly lovely? – …yeaaaah ;)

    –S

  7. posted by Loren on

    Can I be honest? Please don’t form an angry mob.
    I think this Unitasker is AWESOME. I LOVE fresh pineapple, but I hate slicing it.

  8. posted by Beth on

    Use it, love it, wouldn’t want to be without it. Sorry it didn’t work out for you.

  9. posted by Savannah on

    I actually recognize this tool, because when I was 16 I worked in the produce department of a grocery store. We used this to core pineapples and packaged them as pineapple rings, and even though it is totally a unitasker, it was wayyy faster than using a knife.

  10. posted by Ashly on

    I think I need one of these!

  11. posted by jGuedes on

    I’ve got one and it’s fantastic and a very helpful tool.

    Not only does it help extracting the pineapple core, but if don’t drill all the way to the bottom you can also use the empty pineapple as a good container to serve a nice fresh pineapple cocktail!

    Two tasks, one tool!

    Try doing that with just a knife. I dare you…

  12. posted by tabatha on

    I just buy fresh cut pineapple from the grocery store.

  13. posted by Sassy on

    I with the “love it and use it” crowd. My sons love fresh pineapple and I HATE cutting it up…this works for us (we have a plastic model) and we eat more fresh fruit with it. But to each her own.

  14. posted by Ariana Jo on

    I have one of these and love it. I did the math on it, fresh cut pineapple at my local grocery store is $5.99. This little tool was $7.99, combined with $2.99 pineapple is took a whole 3 pineapples to make up the cost. The top comes off and it all fits in a drawer. Yes, it only does one thing, but dang, it does it really really well.

  15. posted by Staci Z on

    Have one and love it. It extracts every last bit from the pineapple.

  16. posted by Virginia on

    Love it!! If you don’t go all the way through, you can pour the juice into a glass and drink it. We use ours all the time – fresh is way better than canned or even pre-sliced in the store produce aisle.

  17. posted by Virginia on

    Oh and to add – we have the plastic one. Based on the reviews @ amazon – the plastic one works better than the stainless one. Maybe that was the issue here.

  18. posted by kat on

    I’ve got one and LOVE it. I actually eat way more pineapple than ever before because it’s so easy to use and I don’t irritate my skin with the juice and cutting.
    Bought @ Crate & Barrel for $9.99 (plastic).

  19. posted by Lesley on

    Wow. My kids love fresh pineapple, but I sure have difficulty cutting one up without a ton of waste. After reading the comments, I’m going to have to buy one of these!!

  20. posted by Sam on

    Love my plastic one. Use it a couple of times a month. Slicing a pineapple with a knife makes and enourmous, wet, sticky mess. This is much neater and faster.

  21. posted by buzzkill007 on

    Use it. Love it. Fresh pineapple is one of my favorites, but until I bought this thing I rarely ever had it. Pineapple is just one of those things that’s too much of a hassle to prepare with just a knife.

  22. posted by Dave P on

    Hey — I have a white plastic version of this and we always use it when we’re ready to slice up our pineapples. I didn’t know it came in a stainless steel model. Seriously, it’s a very decent tool but you still have to salvage the good pineapple meat directly under the skin or else you’d be wasting it.

  23. posted by deb on

    Ha – you’re all talking me into this one! I need this, we all love pineapple and I’m always putting off cutting them so long they get yucky. I’d love to have a pineapple drink holder that’s an actual pineapple! Sold!

  24. posted by Emily on

    I love the unitasker posts, but this one cut to the core (pun intended!). I *adore* my pineapple slicer! It can be tricky to use at first but more often than not it cuts the pineapple quickly into edible pieces. YUM! It does still make quite a lot of mess.

    I owning a pineapple slicer is wrong, then i don’t want to be right! :p

  25. posted by Mary on

    “Not only does it help extracting the pineapple core, but if don’t drill all the way to the bottom you can also use the empty pineapple as a good container to serve a nice fresh pineapple cocktail!”

    Completely agree. You have a empty pineapple to make a fancy drink holder and it holds all the juice so you can drink it. I normally don’t like having many kitchen gadgets around, but this is one I love!

  26. posted by Donna on

    I’m not a kitchen gadget-y person, but I have a plastic one of these and love it. If you hate cutting pineapple, but love fresh pineapple, this unitasker can’t be beat. Sorry Erin, but I think the love its far outweigh the hate its on this one!

  27. posted by julie on

    We love pineapple, but I used to let our pineapples sit there and rot because I hated slicing them. With this unitasker we actually eat our pineapples. Totally worth it.

  28. posted by Jennifer on

    I was just thinking of buying my mom this very thing for mother’s day! Great feedback.

  29. posted by Holly on

    I love my white plastic one so much that I took it on vacation with me. The last time we chartered a sailboat in the British Virgin Islands, this was one of the first things into my duffle. Our hired captain was quite impressed. He said that most bare-boat charterers never quite know how to handle the pineapple in the welcome-aboard bowl of fresh fruit. Even in a tiny galley, I would have one of these because NOTHING ELSE can do half as good a job!

  30. posted by Rue on

    Am I the only one who doesn’t eat pineapple much?! Haha. I like pineapple but I just buy it pre-sliced when I want it.

  31. posted by bg on

    HA, glad you are feeling better. What better way to cheer yourself than a post on the beloved Unitasker.
    I have fresh pineapple, but I didn’t slice it.
    Also made for pineapples is a cutter/slicer that looks like cookie cutter and the slices are like those you find in the cans. But first you have to use a knife to remove the rind.
    bg

  32. posted by yo son pineapple jj on

    Fail! This tool is the bomb, plain and simple. If you dont have room for one of these, move into a bigger place. MMMM pineapple

  33. posted by melissa on

    Add me to the list of people who love this thing! I also have the white plastic one and it makes cutting pineapple a breeze. It is a unitasker, but it makes a hard job easy.

  34. posted by Kate on

    I didn’t know such a thing existed. I HAVE to get one now that I’ve read these comments. I have a pineapple just waiting…

  35. posted by Pam on

    This is one unitasker I absolutely love! My heart breaks for those without one :) I also have the white plastic one.

  36. posted by alfora on

    Pineapples come in different sizes. This tool has one size. Take a look at the pictures on Amazon and see for yourself how much of the pineapple is wasted. Am I the only person here who is able to buy pineapples at different sizes?

    Just use a big and sharp knife. Cut off the ends and put the barrel shaped pineapple upright on a cutting board. Now cut off the skin and thus make an octagonal prism. Cut the prism into slices or chunks.

    This takes me less than one minute. I would take me longer to find a pineapple slicer… :-)

  37. posted by Jeremai on

    Not sure about the one on Amazon but the version I have comes with three different size attachments for different size pineapples… no wastage at all.

  38. posted by Sarah on

    Yeah, I’m another lover-of-the-pineapple-slicer. I am utterly incapable of cutting those things without doing bodily harm to myself or destroying the fruit. And the one I have pops apart and is dishwasher-safe, so it’s not a pain to clean. I’m willing to sacrifice the drawer space for this one, for sure.

  39. posted by Mary on

    Yes, you can do it with a knife and it’s not as hard, but it’s really messy. Unless you are cutting the pineapple in something that can catch all the juice, this is so much easier! It collects all the juice for you and if there is extra pineapple that it didn’t get, I just take a small serrated knife along the inside of the pineapple and get the rest.

  40. posted by Sarah on

    I have one of these, and I love it! I think it’s so simply to use: chop off the top, stick it in, twist, pull. Out comes spiral sliced fresh pineapple, and the juice is left inside the empty shell, which you can then also use as a container! (The trick is to not cut off the bottom of the pineapple–that’s when things get messy.)

  41. posted by Donna on

    I just saw one of these in the store and wondered why anyone would need this! I am with PP, a sharp knife is all you need!

  42. posted by Dug on

    I was **this** close to buying one of these last week, but Amazon had too many comments about too much fruit being left on the skin and the core being cut too small (i.e. too much hard core on the fruit you eat). Even if it’s a unitasker, you get a nice pineapple shell to serve fruit or drinks in, which is fun sometimes!

  43. posted by Ricki on

    Have one with two size attachments-LOVE IT! I will never eat canned pineaple again-so metallic tasting. Got mine from QVC.com.

  44. posted by Teresa on

    Add me to the 2-piece plastic LOVE IT group! Stores easy in the drawer, and makes pineapple preparation a breeze.

  45. posted by Piper on

    My sister has one of these pineapple slicers- hers is plastic- and she uses it regularly. Her purpose is different from most peoples, though. She has a Tiki bar, and she uses the pineapple slicer to core out the entire inside of the pineapple so that she can fill it with rum and juice and other goodies. The pineapple skin becomes a drink glass! Very cool looking, if unitakser-y.

  46. posted by Katybeth on

    I’m glad to see I’m not alone…I love my pineapple slicer. It works great. I also love my mango slicer, and strawberry huller, tho…

    Wait, I did think the apple core plate was really silly!!! So I’m not a total Unitasker loser. Whew….

  47. posted by Julie S in VA on

    Another user and lover of the pineapple slicer here! Mine actually broke a few months ago and I suffered through using a knife out of frugality, but finally broke down and bought a new one!

  48. posted by April Driggers on

    I think it looks neat but unless all your pineapples are uniform in size, it seems a GREAT deal of pineapple could go to waste.

  49. posted by Gaynor on

    I am with the love it crowd. I have one, it does only do one thing, but it does do it well. I find there isn’t a lot of waste, there is some juice, but I just pour that our of the shell into a drinking glass.

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