Comments on: Ask Unclutterer: My mother may be a hoarder

By: Brandy

Brandy — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 06:16:29 +0000

maybe get the cats out 1 by 1 and get them fixed. that can help with the animals keeping them from multiplying. try working with one vet and explaining what and why your doing this and you can may get a cheaper rate or call around for low cost clinics.

By: mstreemn

mstreemn — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 03:42:46 +0000

I went through a similar situation, as so many others have, with a family member who is a hoarder. Firstly she needs a mental health evaluation. My family member has depression and OCD. A job loss triggered a deep depression and spiraled her previously level one/two hoarding to full blown level 5+++. After she was being treated (several sessions with a therapist and medication) we(and a few very brave friends; Wear protective clothing and MASKS!!! when you clean mold and cat feces will make you very sick) were able to help clean up most of the mess. Most of her things were not salvageable. She had several cats that used everything as a litter box because they had no choice. This cleanup and maintaining her place to an agreed upon standard was/is very difficult for her to do. We as a family need to keep regular tabs on her to make sure she is keeping up with her meds and treatment plan We also agreed no pets. It is a long and difficult ongoing process but hang in there, get help and support for yourself, your brother and your mother but do it now it will only get worse the longer it goes on. In my MIL case she was so overwhelmed by the depression and the state her place was in she was unable to cope or even get help for herself.

By: Mike

Mike — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 23:10:16 +0000

Just wanted to add my kudos to this blog’s treatment of hoarding as the medical disorder that it is, rather than stigmatizing it as the behavior of inferior persons as it is more often labeled.

By: Sandra

Sandra — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 20:44:59 +0000

For Sarah: Can your parents afford a cleaning service? If they had housecleaners come in every two weeks or so, it could at least help with the dust and maybe inspire them to pick up a little. It depends on how much they’re resistant to getting rid of stuff.

When I had major clutter problems due to health issues a few years ago, getting picked up somewhat for my cleaners helped keep things at bay somewhat. I also hired one of them for an afternoon of deeper decluttering.

By: Sarah

Sarah — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 15:42:31 +0000

Wow i feel very similar about my parents but they have a lot of stuff, thankfully no garbage though. Did someone call that creeping hoarding?? I never knew there was a name for it. I describe it to people as those shows like clean house and clean sweep where they have way too much stuff. They both blame each other and nothing gets done. I hate going to visit because I have terrible allergies and since they haven’t thrown anything away in 10 years there is a lot of dust.
I also would like advice- my mother gets extremely angry and makes excuses about working too much and not having the time to clean whenever I bring it up. My dad blames my mom because most of it is her but he has his fair share. I am keeping the peace since my wedding is coming up but I can’t imagine bringing grandchildren over when there is crap everywhere. They know it’s bad but they don’t make any real progress getting rid of anything!

By: DebraC

DebraC — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 04:25:42 +0000

Hope you manage to work through your hoarding problem. There are certainly some major signs of dysfunction which you have alluded to. Loving support is always required in these difficult situations.

By: catherine

catherine — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 03:59:51 +0000

This has been helpful! I have a family member with what I would describe as “creeping hoarding,” the STUFF is kept mostly at bay, not a health hazard. However, the way she feels about the STUFF is hoarderesque. I don’t know what can be done for someone who is at the funcioning level of hoarding. It’s somewhat like a functioning alcoholic, the problem is mostly invisible, and they are now only quietly hurting themselves.

By: Jill

Jill — Sun, 07 Feb 2010 22:11:56 +0000

My thoughts are with you. I hope your mother gets the help she needs and deserves.

By: Sandra

Sandra — Sun, 07 Feb 2010 02:17:49 +0000

One other thought – you may be able to find a geriatric care specialist/consultant who could do a needs assessment. I’d try the local Alzheimer’s association for a referral.

By: Keter

Keter — Sat, 06 Feb 2010 20:44:41 +0000

I grew up in a hoarding household…both my grandmother and mother were hoarders. Later, I found myself in a relationship with a man who started hoarding when he turned 30, including animal hoarding, which was the worst because all of the responsibility for caring for the animals fell on me and I found that no amount of helping helped, it just enabled him to collect more animals and make the situation progressively worse. My experiences taught me that hoarding is associated with other mental issues and may be related to drugs (legal or illegal) as either a causal factor or a concurrent symptom to the underlying disorder. If the hoarding tendency is new for your mother (for example, if she didn’t hoard as you were growing up or after you left home), I would suspect that she has another issue that is manifesting as hoarding, such as Alzheimer’s. The apparently aggressive reactions she has and the tendency to forget about food also tends to point to some form of dementia. So getting a proper diagnosis of possible drug reactions and organic problems is important.

I noticed that you didn’t mention your father, so I would assume she is living alone now. Some people cannot be motivated to clean unless they feel responsible to someone else to do so. I was getting the strong sense as I was reading this that she has NO social relationships other than immediate family, and the hoarding *might* be a way to get more attention (my mother did this). Social isolation can cause or deepen depression and remove motivation for adequate self-care. If she is sufficiently healthy to go out and able to be sociable with others, she might benefit from regular interaction in volunteer or senior adult programs, where she may be able to reconnect socially. If her appearance has deteriorated and is making her reluctant to be social, you might be able to encourage her with some new clothes and a fresh hairstyle. Your mother’s community will have a senior ombudsman of some sort that can help you find resources to overcome limitations such as transportation and volunteers who can stop by and check in on her regularly and provide some social interaction.

Blessings to your family that you may have strength through this difficult time and find a good solution soon.

By: Chris

Chris — Sat, 06 Feb 2010 20:40:01 +0000

After my father died a few years ago, I moved my mother out of the family home. They were both hoarders and it was the thing I was dreading for the last 10-15 years. Because it was up to me to sort it all out. Vanessa’s right, the stuff is like a safety blanket to them. There was nothing I could do to, or advice that I could give that could make a difference. It was only when we moved my mother out, that we could sort it out. We ended up getting a house clearance company in, and sold off the stuff we could. It took a whole week to do, working dawn till dusk, but we got there in the end. My mother is now much happier in her small apartment. Looking back on the hoarding thing, you can see it is a psychological state, a state of fear.

By: Vanessa

Vanessa — Sat, 06 Feb 2010 16:32:08 +0000

I just want to add that both obsessive compulsive disorder and obsessive compulsive personality disorder (which aren’t the same thing) are hard to overcome, even when the afflicted is aware of their disorder and actively seeking help. Hoarding is especially hard to overcome. Since the woman in question doesn’t even think she has a problem, the last thing you want to do is keep forcing her to discard her “safety blanket” of stuff. The stuff isn’t the problem—it’s a symptom of a much deeper problem. Since she appears to be a danger to herself and her cats, I would go ahead and contact the appropriate authorities/resources (from the links in the comments above) to see what they advise.

By: Leslie

Leslie — Sat, 06 Feb 2010 14:41:46 +0000

It sounds like early stage dementia. Get help. She clearly cannot take care of herself. I hate to say it, but it sounds like you and your brother are in denial if you are so worried about intervening that you let her live amidst cat excrement.

By: Ronique Gibson

Ronique Gibson — Sat, 06 Feb 2010 11:05:13 +0000

My father was a hoarder. We (My mother and I) didn’t realize his problem because he lived in another state. It wasn’t until he became ill and had to be admitted to the hospital, did we come to his home. Piles and piles of clothes, food, electronics mixed with medicine, you name it, it was in the piles. There was only a path to walk through the house from front to back. Fortunately he was out of the house, and we hired a haul away junk company for much of it. Then donated the usable things to Salvation Army. After a long weekend of clean up, we sought advice of a therapist. He concluded that my father was mentally depressed and would need to start treatment and therapy. After a few years, it helped, but it was a slow, emotional process. You’re not alone.

By: Richard | RichardShelmerdine.com

Richard | RichardShelmerdine.com — Sat, 06 Feb 2010 09:25:58 +0000

I live with someone who is a huge hoarder but fortunately she is seeing the light recently. IT’s a reflection of a hoarding mental state where she is scared of losing everything but lets not get too pop psychology in here.