Ask Unclutterer: Drowning in clutter
Reader Miriam submitted the following to Ask Unclutterer:
I’m overwhelmed by everything at work and at home. Have you ever gone swimming in the ocean and you look back at the shore and realize you went farther than you meant to go? The shore is sanity and I’m no where near it. There is clutter everywhere and my kids, my husband, and my colleagues at work don’t appear to see it. Help me, Unclutterer!
Miriam, my heart goes out to you and your situation. I’ve never swam in the ocean, but I know the feelings of anxiety you’re experiencing. I’ve been there, and I know that many of our readers have too — and some may also feel exactly like you.
The first thing to do is to take a moment for yourself and relax. Go on a walk around your neighborhood or find a quiet space and sit in silence for a few minutes. Take deep breaths and reflect on the positive aspects of your work and home. What are the things that make you happy? Underneath all the clutter and stuff, what in your life is most important to you?
After the rush of anxiety has subsided, you should make a plan. This plan will help you to feel less stress about your environment in the future. Make a list of specific areas of your life you would like to be less cluttered. Be detailed with the items on your list: “Sort through the towels and sheets in the linen closet; take to the animal shelter any that are damaged or unwanted.” “Spend 15 minutes a day filing or processing papers from inbox on desk.”
Once you’ve made a list, pull out your calendar and schedule every item. When you schedule the items, I recommend your first project be something small (nothing larger than a closet) and an area that you encounter every day. This way, your early success will help to motivate you to continue to get clutter removed from more difficult areas.
The harsh reality in all of this is that you cannot force another adult to be an unclutterer. You can guide children and give them chores, but you can’t do this for spouses and work colleagues. Take care of the clutter that directly affects you and that you can address, and stop worrying about the other stuff. You have no control of the other stuff and you’ll become a permanent anxious mess if you continue to let it get to you. On the positive side, though, your uncluttering will hopefully be inspiring to those around you and motivate them to join you in your endeavors. Feel comfortable calmly talking about your uncluttering efforts with others and sharing with them your successes. Also, seek out the assistance of a tidy friend or professional organizer if working with someone else will help you to achieve your goals.
As you’re working, focus on the reasons you’re going through the uncluttering process. When you’re finished, you’ll have more time, energy, and space to pursue the remarkable life you desire. You deserve to be free from the anxiety that is currently ruling your life. Good luck, and know that this type of change is possible. All of us are cheering for you!
Thank you, Miriam, for submitting your question for our Ask Unclutterer column.
Do you have a question relating to organizing, cleaning, home and office projects, productivity, or any problems you think the Unclutterer team could help you solve? To submit your questions to Ask Unclutterer, go to our contact page and type your question in the content field. Please list the subject of your e-mail as “Ask Unclutterer.” If you feel comfortable sharing images of the spaces that trouble you, let us know about them. The more information we have about your specific issue, the better.
Posted by Erin on Dec 11, 2009 |
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23 comments posted
Posted by SarahA - 12/11/2009
I would also suggest talking to your spouse about it. When my husband got up the nerve to talk to me about it recently it turned out that we had both been reading the site but were afraid that the other would think we were being mean if we mentioned it. See what they say. You may be surprised.
Posted by Kate - 12/11/2009
In terms of speaking with your spouse, I think it’s also important to articulate WHY you want the change. For me, when I articulate to my husband the stress that I feel when things are cluttered and the toll it takes on me, he understood a little more. Also, when I articulated that I really missed entertaining and that it was important to me to be able to have an uncluttered home so that we could have people over, he seemed to “get it.”
Posted by Sky - 12/11/2009
If you can, involve your whole family in your uncluttering. Make it a project with the reward an uncluttered home with room to do activities important to everyone such as having a cleaned off table for dining together or playing games. I don’t know how old your children are but hopefully they will be on board with the cleanup.
If it’s only you, take it a drawer, box or closet at a time. It is amazing how quickly things come together.
Do you have Erin’s new book? It is great!
Posted by Kat - 12/11/2009
I, too, am overwhelmed by my household clutter – the sheer volume of it, and how stressful and exhausting it is to maintain. It’s a catch-22 situation – I am so stressed and tired from my 10-hour work day and the daily cleanup, that I have very few blocks of free time to use to tackle the “scary places” like my filled-to-the-brim (not so) walk-in bedroom closet, the playroom, the toy/craft cupboard, or the garage. I have fantastic storage in my home, but I have children, and run a home daycare. I know I will have enough time and energy to maintain everything – on the other side of the purging/simplifying tasks – but until then, I don’t have the energy to *DO* the tasks.
Over the last 7 years, I have chipped away at the small problems, and certain places like my kitchen cupboards, daycare supplies, and our clothing drawers are fiercely organized. But – I look ahead to the big projects, and want to cry. I have no large blocks of time to work on the big jobs – and they cannot be done in 15 minutes a day. The entire contents of these places need to be hauled out, sorted, purged – and I have to have the time and energy to finish the job if I start it, or I live with the contents of my closet stacked on my bed for 2 months, until I give up and stuff it back in.
I can plan the small tasks, but am overwhelmed by the big ones.
Posted by chacha1 - 12/11/2009
Miriam and Kat, have you talked to your girlfriends about the issue? You may find someone who would be happy to come over for an hour or two on a weekend to help you attack a project. Really good for closets! It can be fun with company/support/someone to bounce your thoughts off of. Best wishes!
Posted by Gina - 12/11/2009
@Kat:
Can you see a window of time ahead where you won’t have any kids for your daycare at home and you can devote to the project?
Or — is there a way to chunk the large projects into a bunch of smaller ones?
One example: instead of trying to tackle a whole closet — maybe you could set up receiving boxes and every time you do laundry, evaluate what you’re putting away — purge it or put it back.
Maybe even set a marker in your closet — put noting back on one side, but take from it as you go. The, when you do laundry, do a purge and put the keepers back on the other side. Then schedule an hour a few months from now — go through the untouched side, which represents stuff you aren’t using — and just purge that ruthlessly.
Posted by gerette - 12/11/2009
I’m right there with Miriam (and I love the ocean metaphor). What I’ve been doing is concentrating on one room at a time, so that going forward that room just needs maintenance. Even if it does get trashed, it takes less time to clean it up because I’m not starting from scratch.
The biggest thing I’ve learned is that most of the time cleaning up is just putting things back where they belong. This forces me to ask (1) does this item have a home, and if not why not? Either give it a home or get rid of it, and (2) is the item’s home realistic in terms of space allotted and accessibility?
With my girls’ playroom, I saw that it was never going to be cleaned up because there was just TOO much stuff. Even if things were “put away” taking anything out caused a mess–bins were stuffed full, toys were piled in too-large containers. In a bit of a fit one night, I took about 90% of my kids’ toys and put them in the closet. Every week I take out one container of toys and sort through it. I try and purge what I can and then find homes for everything else. It’s wonderful to see my girls actually playing in their playroom after months of it being a trash heap, and since they haven’t seen some of their toys in weeks and haven’t asked about them, there will be a lot of donations before Dec 31.
I still have two rooms of my house–the kitchen and my office (not counting the basement or garage) that need serious work. The kitchen is the bane of my existence, I’m terrible about maintaining it. My office is another case of two much stuff and poor storage. It also functions as our guest room and my in-laws are coming at the end of the month, so I may do what I did in the playroom–move it all out and only bring it back when it’s sorted.
Maybe we need to create a place on the forum for those of us who are really struggling and need a support network. (Maybe this exists already, I haven’t gone through the forums thoroughly yet.)
Posted by Gina - 12/11/2009
I think the other thing is to be kind with yourself. I have very little clutter these days, but it took me a few years to really get there. Partly because it took me time to really process through things.
Of course, I still have a few tricky spots — a couple of boxes from my recent move that are sort of catch-alls mostly. But other areas have finally really come together.
I’m not bragging, I’m saying — DON’T GIVE UP! You’ll get there.
Of course, now I’m frustrated because I’ve got a place for everything, everything in it’s place, and there is a short list of items I CANNOT find….I think they got lost in the move. But it’s ridiculous when everything is so organized and tidy, and you still can’t find your stamps envelope
Posted by Loren - 12/11/2009
I know that every spouse/significant other is different but I find that sometimes my boyfriend honestly just doesn’t KNOW what needs to be done (or at least what I WANT to be done). But if I leave him a short list, or ask him to do one or two specific things (i.e. Will you take out the trash tomorrow?, Can you do the dishes in the morning?) That he will smile and say ‘Sure’. This leaves me more time to do the organizational things that he doesn’t like to do.
For Kat and her overwhelming closet, is there anyway you can tackle smaller parts of this project? Bring out one box of things or address one shelf at a time.
Or for clothing just pull out 3 things that you don’t like/don’t wear and throw it away or put it in a donation bag somewhere else, like the garage or the trunk of your car (if you can remember to make weekly trips to the local Salvation Army to donate them). You’ll be surprised how quickly just three things a day (or even every other day) build up.
I don’t know if I’m allowed to plug other websites here, but Flylady.com has some amazing tips for helping busy women get their homes in order.
Posted by mdm - 12/11/2009
I find that if I declutter and organize, clean one spot,one drawer and set up a “system” it tends to be easier to keep decluttered.
Each week I clean out another drawer/spot in the kitchen, so after a couple of months, I’ve gone through everything and then I start the rotation again only this time, it is much easier. I make it a point to throw out or freecyle one thing a week from the basement. I do get overwhelmed sometimes with the clutter, but once I start, and I can see a difference in one area, I always feel better..
Posted by Lilliane P - 12/12/2009
I like mdm’s post. Think I’ll do that, too.
Posted by Molly - 12/12/2009
I am going to make a suggestion that goes against some of the others in this string. Instead of starting small, why not start big? Just clearing a shelf or drawer at this point is enough. Block out an entire weekend, or better yet a whole week if you have vacation time left. Call a company that hauls away trash and one that hauls donations. Rent a dumpster. Get friends and family members to help. You actually need very little to live a happy life. Get everyone in the house to set aside 10 sets of clothes and choose 10 things that are most important to them. In addition, set aside 2 boxes for minimal kitchen things, 2 boxes for linens & bedding, 1 box for family keepsakes. Take a big roll of blue painter’s tape and mark to keep: 1 sofa, 2 comfortable chairs, 2 bookshelves, 1 coffee table, 5-10 lamps, 1 dining table and chars, a bedroom set for every bedroom, and a desk and chair for every adult. Keep 1 TV if you want to. Everything else goes.
I know this sounds draconian but you need to do something drastic right now. Express to your partner that this is a necessary step to preserve you mental and physical health. If his is unwilling to do this – he may also be clutter.
Posted by tuppenz - 12/12/2009
For a first time unclutterer dealing with an “ocean” of clutter, I think taking the time to sit down and make a list may be exhausting. Why not just jump right in, while you are inspired, starting with a far corner of your house, then working through your house, one space at a time. I like the idea of taking everything (except maybe furniture) out of the space and make each and every item that tries to reenter that space justify itself – why do you think you should reside in this space? This takes care of those hidden areas that you might have forgotten about.
Posted by Ruth Hansell - 12/12/2009
Great ideas! For all who feel like they’re drowning, or even merely treading water and never getting anywhere, read and re-read these wonderful posts.
My thoughts: 1)First and foremost, be kind to yourself! Tell yourself that you’re doing a great job after you’ve cleared out a drawer or shelf or corner. Don’t kvetch at how much more there is to do, acknowledge what you’ve done and feel a little glow of accomplishment.
2)Keep a journal of what you’re doing, and maybe some specific milestones. When you’re discouraged, look at it and see what you’ve already accomplished.
3)As best you can, keep up with what comes into your home/office as your first priority. I call this ‘Staying Current’. Do this, and you’ll stop the piles from growing.
4)Institute the “Something comes in, something goes out” rule. Again, it stops the piles from growing.
5)Reciprocate with your girlfriends when setting up some clean out time. Agree that you will all be respectful and not comment on the other person’s decisions of what to keep.
6)Keep a ‘donations’ box in each closet, if possible, laundry room for sure. Makes it easy to toss items.
7)If you have trouble making decisions about what to keep/what to let go of, start with things that are easy and obvious. Work up to the harder stuff.
When feeling overwhelmed, like some of the posters and the OP, remember: it took a long time to get all this stuff into your home. Clearing it out is a marathon, not a sprint. Every time you let go of a sack or box of stuff that’s in your way, you’re taking a giant step forward in your training.
Someone’s suggestion of a support thread on this topic is excellent!
Good luck to us all,
Ruth
Posted by Lori Paximadis - 12/12/2009
For the OP, it sounds like a big part of the problem is other people’s contributions to the clutter. You probably don’t have a lot of leverage over your coworkers, so at work I’d just focus on what you have control over. At home, though, it sounds like a discussion with your husband and then a family meeting (or two, or a dozen) are in order. Explain how the clutter makes you feel and why things need to change. Set some rules (put the current toy/project away before taking out the next one; everything has a home, and everything needs to go back home before TV time; etc.). It will take time, especially because you’re not just dealing with your own stuff, but other people’s stuff, too. But you’ll get there.
For Kat, you just have to look at ways to break those smaller projects down. Loren made a great suggestion that *works* (I use it myself): just go to the closet or dresser and pick out three things to donate/trash. Three things that don’t fit right, aren’t in fashion anymore, don’t make you feel *great* when you wear them, haven’t been worn in a year or more, have bad associations for you. Take them out. Don’t dwell on the decisions; you *know* what things those are. Do the same thing tomorrow, and the day after that.
When you don’t have any “low-hanging fruit” left, *that’s* the time to find the time to do a total clear-out and reorganize, and it won’t be as big of a project since you’ve pre-purged. And you can tackle that clear-out one shelf or drawer at a time.
This works everywhere, too, not just closets: junk drawers, kitchen cabinets, toy boxes, bookshelves, office supplies, garage shelves — everywhere. Just start in one place.
Good luck!
Posted by gypsy packer - 12/12/2009
Get containers: Donate, recycle, digitize, not used in last year.
Walk into a closet, and give yourself five minutes, or a commercial break.
When a box is full, donate or recycle on the way to the grocery store, and bring your container back with the groceries in it.
Digitizing is rainy day work, or you can get an older child to do it in exchange for a treat of some sort, or extra money.
Buy one storage box at a time, and determine a place for it in advance. If you don’t have allergies, underbed boxes with wheels are superb! Use a Sharpie and write down a list of every single thing in the box, then make a separate paper or digital list.
Just getting storage out of sight lifts the spirits!
Posted by Mary - 12/12/2009
I’m with Miriam and Gerette, if you want to start a little “support group” I will be happy to put in quite a bit of effort toward that goal.
Email me!
Posted by Cynthia Friedlob, The Thoughtful Consumer - 12/12/2009
On January 1, 2009, I posted my personal “unclutterer challenge” on my blog: my goal was to donate or otherwise dispose of 365 items by the end of the year. I’ll be posting an update sometime this week, but I already know that I will have reached and maybe surpassed that goal. (Shameless pat on my own back!) You might not think that a simple concept like eliminating one item per day can be helpful, but it can, especially if your clutter challenges are not very daunting.
However, for people who do have a larger challenge, like Miriam’s, I’m rather fond of suggesting a “grand gesture” to get the ball rolling. Charging right in to one area that drives you crazy and ruthlessly purging it can be very satisfying. Again, it can be as simple as getting rid of all of those plastic containers and lids in your kitchen that don’t match up and that you never use anyway, or attacking your closet by pulling out a bunch of old clothes and taking them (immediately) to a charity shop. Ahhh. Relief. And motivation!
Posted by Lynda Bowen - 12/13/2009
I’ve read the comments on this post and started to sing the Johnny Cash song “One Piece At a Time…”
Could this be an Unclutterer Anthem?
Posted by opadit - 12/13/2009
Echoing @Gina above — it’s taken me years to get to where I am, and I’m still not exactly where I want to be.
One tactic that has helped me is to maintain a give-away pile in a corner of my home where regular visitors can’t see it, but where it will quickly start to bother me enough that I’ll take everything to a thrift shop frequently. This area used to be on the far side of my bed, where you can’t see it upon walking into my bedroom, but I had to walk by it every day upon waking up and going to sleep. After I’d downsized one of the bookcases out of my livingroom, I moved the pile there: even more obnoxious to look at, so the pile is always very small and continually being taken away.
I can’t emphasize enough that it’s an ongoing strategy. For me, uncluttering is never finished. New clothes, consumer goods, books, mail, and other things are always entering my home, so old things are always on the way out.
Posted by Catherine - 12/14/2009
I’m also struggling with the “ocean” view & find any of the grand acts described (kudos to you-all who’ve managed them!) utterly overwhelming. Is there truly a plan for a support thread? That would be absolutely wonderful. I lurk and read the posts here, but they’re often so far beyond where I am that it’s like they’re in an alternate universe!
Rather than be intimidated by my to-do’s (so intimidated I can’t write them all down!), I’ll focus on being happy that I cleared the surface of my kitchen table and now have room to fit my car in the garage. *grin!*
Posted by gerette - 12/19/2009
I’ve asked Erin & PJ if we can create a challenge/accountability forum. I could create it anywhere as a topic, but I’d love it to be at the higher forum level so that (1) we could have topics of our own and (2) new people are more likely to see it.
Posted by Fabulous Organizing Links - 02/11/2010
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