Unitasker Wednesday: The EZ Cracker

All Unitasker Wednesday posts are jokes — we don’t want you to buy these items, we want you to laugh at their ridiculousness. Enjoy!

Reader Bri had me laughing aloud when I followed her link to this week’s unitasker. Just watch the failed attempts to crack an egg in the advertisement for the EZ Cracker. Seriously, who has this much trouble cracking an egg? And who tries to crack open an egg with a FORK?!

I also love that when you order the EZ Cracker you get not one, but two unitaskers with the bonus Bacon Wave. Truly fantastic.

I have to admit, though, that the EZ Cracker device looks a bit more useful than the last one we featured: The Egg Cracker. However, both devices are still completely useless once you master the simple skill of cracking an egg.

49 Comments for “Unitasker Wednesday: The EZ Cracker”

  1. posted by Pete on

    I don’t think I would let the people in that video operate a stove or anywhere near my knives.

  2. posted by Lose That Girl on

    It’s scary that such people exist!

  3. Avatar of Erin Doland

    posted by Erin Doland on

    I think it’s the part in the ad where the voice over says “And we’ve all done this …” that I just lose it and can’t stop laughing.

  4. posted by Stephanie on

    Apparently these people never spent time in their grandmother’s kitchen when they were little to learn this stuff. If they can’t crack an egg, what else can’t they do?!?!

  5. posted by Betharu on

    Wait – you don’t crack an egg by slamming it into the counter?

    The things you learn from late nite infomercials.

  6. posted by Sandi on

    but what about the egg separator attachment??? how helpful is that? :-) lol

  7. posted by knitwych on

    //sarcasm mode on//

    Gosh, I shudder to think of all the time I’ve wasted over the years cracking eggs on the counter.

    //sarcasm mode off//

  8. posted by Suzie on

    I like that they suggest people make meringue by hand, now that you can separate eggs with the EZ Cracker. If you can’t crack an egg, what are the chances you are any good with a whisk?

  9. posted by Lori on

    They expect us to believe that someone who slams eggs into the side of a pan or jams a fork into them is supposed to be smart enough to operate this gadget. That’s what makes this ad so ridiculous. It would take less time to learn to crack an egg the right way than to figure out how to use the EZ Cracker.

  10. posted by GC on

    this would be great for someone who cracks eggs for a living though. . .

  11. posted by JJ on

    This is too funny. My grandmother had a paralyzed left hand. Growing up we all anticipated the time (about age 8-9) when she felt we could learn to neatly crack eggs one-handed. We had already learned to crack them two handed by then, but our hands had to be big enough for the one handed cracking.

    My son made brownies one day at about age 7. He left a bit of shell and just commented, “Oh well, looks like someone is going to get a bit of shell.” I did make him pick it out. He’s really trying the one-handed cracking, but his hands are still a bit small.

    The bacon cooker is a hoot. You’re going to spend more time cleaning the inside of the microwave than you would cooking the bacon in a pan.

  12. posted by Bri on

    I’m so glad you liked it Erin! :) I was dying laughing through pretty much the whole commercial… Really, who hasn’t spilled eggs all over the stove and then shoved them around for thirty seconds before actually cleaning them up?

  13. posted by infmom on

    I was going to say this might possibly have a use for someone with limited mobility, but you need two hands to put the egg in. Nevermind! ;)

  14. posted by Amy on

    I was about to fall victim to what I always rally against! I thought I’d like it just for the bacon wave, but then I read JJ mention cleaning the microwave and I thought, forget it! Absolutely right! Ugh! So many people trying to get our money…

  15. posted by Another Deb on

    What’s next, a toothpick twirler? A clamp for holding a ruler onto the paper when you draw a line? How about a rubber-band stretcher for making a pony-tail?

    By the way, I cannot imagine how this helps you peel those hard-boiled eggs that always stick to the shell. That’s a cooking issue that I still can’t get right.

  16. posted by Kendra on

    My 4 year old daughter has mastered cracking an egg, so I’m thinking the people in this video might have bigger issues that need to be dealt with.

  17. posted by Gabriel on

    I’m picturing a Richard Pryor/Gene Wilder buddy comedy from 1980. Pryor’s trying to calm a nervous Wilder who is brandishing a gun.

    Wilder: “I’ll shoot!”

    Pryor: “Easy, now. Easy, Cracker.”

  18. posted by crunchycon on

    I always love how, in these commercials, life is portrayed as the ninth circle of h-ll complete with eyerolls, grimaces and general frustration from the people struggling just to survive without whatever the product is.

  19. posted by Amy on

    Oh my god. The only time I’ve made such a mess of cracking an egg, must have been the first time I ever cracked an egg!

    I always wonder though what makes people buy these things. But, then again, I often notice that those people who rarely bake or cook usually have the most and the most useless kitchen equipment, gizmos, and other non-definable shit in their kitchen (cabinets).

  20. posted by Krys on

    This commercial came on once during a repeat of Saturday Night Live, and I *swear* I thought it was a skit!

  21. posted by sue on

    These inept ones are the ones that the airline safety talks are designed for and need to be shown how to fasten a seat belt.

  22. posted by Dawn F. on

    Holy…. I’m laughing so hard tears are pouring out of my eyes. Hilarious!!!

    I just use my son’s ninja sword to crack them open! J/K!

  23. posted by Spencer on

    I learned one-handed cracking working in the cafeteria kitchen in college. I could crack two eggs at a time. I would crack dozens and dozens for the big vats of scrambled eggs.

  24. posted by cdelphine on

    lol I almost never have to pick egg shells out and separating eggs really isn’t that hard

  25. posted by Chrissy on

    The sad part of all of this is that these companies make millions on the stupidity of people who say “I need that!”.

  26. posted by Anne on

    The funniest bit of these informercials to me are the folks that can’t manage to do the simplest task. In this case, the person who jams a fork into a raw egg. Or in the Snuggie informercial the woman who can’t work a blanket. You know, it like, falls off of her. It’s a bit suprising that these folks even managed to make it to the tv studio for filming.

    How many of these products actually sell? The Snuggie seems to be a run away hit judging from its presence on the shelf at discount retailers. I can’t recall seeing the egg cracker though…..

  27. posted by Molly on

    Um… I use a fork to crack an egg. If I crack it on a bowl or the counter, that’s when I make a mess…. and I’m usually getting a fork out anyway to beat the eggs, so why not use it to crack them?

  28. posted by Mary on

    When he says “We’ve all done this” and slams the egg into the counter…my husband just did that a few weeks ago. I was trying to explain why using a flat surface is better than the edge of the bowl, and he didn’t realize you needed a lot less force to crack it on a countertop. Mess and hilarity ensued.

    He’s a cook and I’m a baker, so we often have these idiotic kitchen moments at each other’s expense.

  29. posted by Availle on

    @Another Deb

    a) Actually, I have once seen a contraption out there you might like: The battery operated lollipop-rotator… :-)

    b) To induce boiled eggs to let go of their shell more easily is not a question of cooking, it’s what you do right after they’re done: put them under cold water while they’re still hot.

  30. posted by Brit on

    I, too, use a fork to crack eggs! A gentle, smart tap along the “equator” with the side of the fork and mission accomplished, neat as can be… You can also use a knife edge, of course. Edge of the bowl. Counter’s edge. Man, there’re more ways to crack an egg than I ever thought about before…

  31. posted by Laura on

    This gadget cracks me up!! :P

  32. posted by emmy on

    @ Gabriel- I just laughed so hard at your comment, and it was so unexpected, that a little snot almost came out of my nose!

  33. posted by Karyn on

    @ AnotherDeb: If I recall correctly, hard-boiled eggs are easier to peel when the eggs are not super-fresh, straight from the farm. Eggs that have been sitting around for a couple of weeks or so (under refrigeration, of course) are easier to separate from their shells once hard-boiled. So buy your eggs a little bit ahead of time and not the night before you want to cook and peel them, and you might have better luck. All without the EZ Cracker or similar gadgets!

  34. posted by Ellen on

    I gotta disagree that it’s simply clutter for everyone – I severed both my thumbs in a freak accident using a Chef ‘n’ Garlic Zoom device and have been unable to manage to break eggs properly since. Using this gadget has enabled me to rediscover the joy of making meringues and omelettes all over again – and all without the crunchy bits of shell!

  35. posted by Anita B on

    Seriously! How hard is it to crack an egg? I’m not sure what those people were thinking-I love the ‘attempts’ by the people in the commercial. Made me feel ‘real smart’!

  36. posted by Diahn on

    My kids and I saw this commercial last week and laughed all the way through it! They are 8 and 9 years old and crack eggs just fine, thank you very much!

  37. posted by Karyn on

    Hey, I just noticed: They aren’t hard-boiled eggs; they’re hard-BOILED!!! eggs.

    Maybe it’s just a regional difference thing, but I get a kick out of the way the announcer’s voice rises and perks up on BOILED in saying “hard-boiled eggs.” ;-)

    Oh, and in case anyone hasn’t figured it out: I think this device is beyond stupid, as is trying to crack an egg by SLAMMING it flat against the counter. Try tapping… gently… until you find just the right amount of force to CRACK the egg without SMASHING the egg.

    Gee, maybe I should create an instructional video for YouTube and save the CrackChallenged their twenty bucks. :P

  38. posted by Karyn on

    Once again, I missed an edit: I meant to specify tapping the egg against the EDGE of the counter, or of the bowl, versus against the flat surface. I don’t know if that makes a difference in the cracking, but it does make it easier to handle the two halves and quickly maneuver them once the egg is cracked.

  39. posted by Karyn on

    ^^^ Just in case anyone here doesn’t know how to crack an egg…. :P

  40. posted by Gabriel on

    @ emmy, I love you, too.

  41. posted by Kai on

    I think a lot of people already cook bacon in the microwave. If you do, I can see some desire for the fat drainer.
    I can’t imagine needing this egg-cracker, but I have to say that it would be seriously fun. :D

  42. posted by Judith on

    I’m almost more amused by the microwave-bacon thing. A 20-Dollar-value?! These people really are cracked.

  43. posted by Elizabeth on

    There must be something wrong – nobody has defended this Thing! It wins the 2009 UniTasker prize…

  44. posted by WilliamB on

    I could’t imagine what could be funnier than that darn video “We’ve all done *this*” … um, not since I was 6. It must have been hard to get anyone to foul up that badly.

    Then I read the comments. Kudos all around with a special shout out to poor thumbless Ellen! I’m still chuckling, as is my housemate who wanted to know why I was laughing so hard.

    OTOH I think the bacon baker could be useful; drape it with paper towel to prevent splatters. I cook my bacon in the oven. If there were something like this that was oven safe, I could cook a lot more bacon. Yum – more bacon. Maybe a rack that folds?

    Peeling hard boiled eggs. Some of the best hints have already been posted but in the interests of indexing I’ll put all mine here:
    1. Use older eggs. They’ve shrunk a tiny bit, relative to the shell, so there’s a tad more space between the two.
    2. Plunge just-cooked eggs into cold water to encourage more shrinkage.
    3. (new one) After plunging in cold water, vigorously shake the pan to crack the shells.
    4. (new one) After shaking, peel under running water. If that’s too much waste for your taste, then peel in a bowl of water. The water helps lift away the shell.

  45. posted by Elaine on

    After all, “separating eggs ARE a hassle.” Can we come up with an “EZ Grammar” and throw that in for free?

  46. posted by D on

    Watch it, Elaine. My grammar isn’t EZ. She’s a lovely woman.

  47. posted by shelly on

    When the task is difficult or impossible, even a Unitasker may be valuable. The item you disparage is to me, with crippled hands, very useful.

  48. posted by Shanna Suburbia on

    I have to admit that the egg separator is kind of tempting if you use just egg whites A LOT. But I suppose a regular strainer would do the trick too?

    My favorite part is the very beginning… uh, no, we have not all “done that” because who the heck uses a fork or slams the entire egg straight down on the counter?

    I add a tablespoon of vinegar to my water when making hard-boiled eggs, in addition to trying to use older eggs. I’ve never had a problem with peeling them afterwards.

  49. posted by jesse on

    i got an ez cracker as a joke for my husband and it actually works pretty good most of the time except when it smashes the egg but i still just do it by hand (faster after you figure the clean up and storage.)

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