Many thanks to unclutterer.com for publishing my email and for their advices. Lot of thanks also to all of you for giving your opinion and sincere thoughts on the matter.

I wrote that letter to unclutterer.com looking for solutions and you have provided me with a philosophical view: a letting be attitude. It has opened my mind to let him go and to respect his space, as long as he does not conquer my space with his clutter. He can have his desk cluttered with things (or organized in his way), but whenever his things widespread from his desk to my desk (which has happened quite frequently in the last months), then it’s time to purge.

WE have also reached an agreement. Time for purging has also been established when we know guests are coming.

We cannot close the door or put a screen to hide a room which is central to our existence and where many of our guests come to see pictures on the computer, etc.

So, he agrees to clean his desk more often as he has recognized that many of the things he has are useless.

Talking is the key to understanding each other’s needs.
I’ve understood his ways and he has understood mine. We have to cope to each others way of living, and whenever a thing dislikes the other, then we will try to eliminate/control/improve it.

If it’s an office that can be closed off, that’s one thing. Shut the door and out of sight, out of mind. But a great big eyesore of a desk in the middle of the dining room or whatever, that will make her angry any time she looks at it. It will be a strain on the relationship whether she gets the anger out by nagging about it or whether she just suppresses it.

If a screen works, then that might be a good solution, but mostly those have a real feeling of impermanence. I wouldn’t be happy with a mess behind a screen in my place.

My husband is naturally much messier than I am and apt to keep clutter. My husband isn’t in IT, but he is an amateur magician and he has all kinds of props, card decks, assorted clutter that he actually does use.

When we lived in a house, he had his own office and I just shut the door and ignored it. But we decided to move to a 1 bedroom condo to save money. I agreed to do it under the condition that he couldn’t keep any of his messes out in the open. He has a closet that can be as messy as he wants. He has a cabinet that, so long as it can be closed, it can hold as much clutter and junk as he wants, in any order. He has two big drawers in a shared desk, also as cluttered as he wants. If any of these spaces get filled up and then stuff starts accumulating outside them, well, it’s time for him to unclutter the drawers/cabinet.

Maybe you think I’m mean for forcing him to keep his clutter boxed up. Maybe I am, but it really does keep the peace in the household in a way that me letting him take over a corner of one of the few rooms we have and spreading his junk to be an eyesore and me just ignoring it wouldn’t.

I don’t think that people need to keep their projects out in the open when they’re not working on them. Not if you’re dealing with as little space as we have. If necessary, have a project file/box and tidy everything up when you’re done working for the day and then get it out when you’re working again. I sew/quilt and I clean up and put my sewing machine away every time I work. It’s just messy to do otherwise.

You need this open space because the plain fact is that some projects don’t parse in a single weekend. For example, I am in the process of selling off a collection of trading cards. I’d love to have done it in a weekend, but it can’t be done. It takes weeks (months, really) to get it sorted out right, the key cards posted on ebay, auctions completed, shipping done, the remainders prepped for bulk sale, auction THAT, ship THAT, finally done and wrap up supplies and sundries. And the whole while that project is underway, it looks like a tornado blew through the den. There’s no avoiding it except to not engage in the project — and the project IS worth engaging in! (It both declutters and earns money.)

It’s a bit of a different issue when open projects migrate elsewhere, though. Each of us has engaged in projects that left our living room table temporarily unusable, for example, and caused some friction when we had to quick-clear the stuff aside to have company over, then put it back to start again on the project, etc. As long as it does get done and eventually cleared, there’s no harm in it. I have a project right now that’s been sitting for a few months on the table, and it bothers the heck out of me that it isn’t done yet. Fortunately, it’s at about 90%, and I have some time off coming. I feel good about the idea of wrapping that up (and collecting the income it’s going to produce) and returning the living room table to CLEAN.

Sometimes that’s a hard task.

Everyone should have their own area where they can work the way they want, and the way it works best for them. Just as he probably finds it stressful that she keeps tidying up, she finds it stressful that he doesn’t… My boyfriend and I are the same way (I need mostly clear surfaces and a place for everything, he wants everything visible and within reach), and as we are thinking about moving in together eventually, it becomes clearer to me that we’ll probably need three rooms: Our room, his room and my room The latter two with doors

I bought the small ones for stuff I usually leave all over my desk and they are great.

When guests come over, or you can’t deal with the visual clutter any longer, unhook the screen and slide it across the floor to block the view.

You have decoration rights over the screen.

My girlfriend ruined her marriage for years nagging, screaming at her husband about his two-foot piles of paper and whatnot on his desk. Her messiness was in her head by not understanding the spiritual law of non-interference, always dictating how he should live and be; his interior was calm and gentle, and his mess was external.

No compromising now might mean no compromising in the future…. just sayin’….