Unclutterer

1. Posted by prairiegal - 08/07/2009

   Aw, just let her send them to you. It’s cute. Actually, I have sympathy for her because I do this to (and I’m not yet 30 yo). I like reading the morning paper and if I see something that I think my husband would be interested in or a relevent article for work, then I clip it out. And yes, I’m a very good unclutter, so I don’t have piles of clippings everywhere. I have a few on my office wall and once husband reads it, it goes in the recycling.

   Having said all that, your mom should also learn to use the technology she has available.

2. Posted by Sky - 08/07/2009

   My dad always sent me articles from the paper, jokes, etc. I always enjoyed getting them and it was nice knowing he was thinking of me. He is gone now and if I were you, I would keep getting them, thank your mom. What’s the big deal?

3. Posted by Polly - 08/07/2009

   “You might be a way for her to get rid of clutter from her home.”

   This isn’t a reason to allow this habit to continue – if mom can’t throw her own clutter away, but instead pushes it on other people, then she needs to be made aware of the problem and it needs to be dealt with. Trash is trash – whether you throw it away yourself, or burden someone else with the responsibility.

4. Posted by Erin Doland - 08/07/2009

   @Polly — People who are chronically disorganized or hoarders are quite aware of their conditions and don’t need for others to tell them what they already know. If having an intermediary helps them to get clutter out of their lives, it is a very healthy and helpful solution.

5. Posted by Joel - 08/07/2009

   That’s a nice touch – you’ve got a Mom that cares and takes the time to think about you while she’s reading the paper. So maybe, from one perspective, it is clutter; but from another it’s something much deeper than that.

   Once my mother-in-law printed out an email and snail mailed it to my wife and I, even though we correspond via email! In the end, though that was silly, it was nice to know she had us in her thoughts enough to print that, do up the envelope, and mail it to us.

6. Posted by Amanda - 08/07/2009

   Thank you Erin for considering that the mother might enjoy sending the news this way. Some folks just don’t enjoy technology as much as others. I’m one of them in many respects and I’m in my twenties. I like going into the bank to withdrawal money instead of using an ATM, cutting coupons from a newpaper instead of printing them off the internet and mailing letters instead of email if the new isn’t urgent. As long as the mother mentioned is comfortable doing this, let her be.

7. Posted by Polly - 08/07/2009

   @Erin – allowing the practice to continue merely makes one an enabler. And who is it healthy for, really? The practice continues, so that’s not helping the “chronically disorganized” and it also puts the recipient into an uncomfortable position, which isn’t healthy. If the original poster was happy about this situation, you wouldn’t have received the email asking for help.

8. Posted by Brandon Green - 08/07/2009

   I’d suggest just appreciating that your mom is thinking of you.

9. Posted by Amelia - 08/07/2009

   Polly you are a classic cynic. A cynic being one who knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing.

10. Posted by Heather - 08/07/2009

    I too think it is really sweet. If you are throwing it out once you read it anyway then how is it clutter? And why clutter up your, I’m sure, already overflowing Inbox?

11. Posted by Dawn F - 08/07/2009

    What if Mom saved up the articles and sent them once per month – save a good amount on postage and the amount of envelopes being sent. I know you would still have the same amount of clippings, but they wouldn’t arrive as often and Mom would save on postage.

    Some older folks don’t enjoy technology – it’s less personal – it’s more complicated – it doesn’t have a loving touch like sending something in the mail does, etc.

    In the grand scheme of life, it doesn’t seem like that big of a deal. Mother doesn’t seem bothered by the fact that she might be “wasting money and energy mailing me clippings” – so put a smile on and feel lucky to have a mom like that!

12. Posted by Elle - 08/07/2009

    I have a hard time seeing how this is really a “clutter” issue.

    Your mom gets the paper anyway. She sends you some clips from it, thereby getting a sense of satisfaction from sending you something tangible. You read them and then throw them away.

    The only waste involved is the cost of the envelope and stamp. I don’t think your mother’s efforts count as waste, because she obviously gets pleasure from doing it. Why deny her that? What good is done?

    I’m pretty fanatical about uncluttering, but this is one “problem” that doesn’t really seem like a problem, and to treat it as one seems a bit . . . controlling. Not everyone does things exactly the way we would do them, particularly when we’re talking about older people and technology. And that’s okay.

13. Posted by Sebeka - 08/07/2009

    Not everything is available (or easily accessible) via the internet, and it can be very frustrating combing a newspaper website for the exact article you already have on printed paper, even if you are internet-savvy.

    Or perhaps Cate’s mom likes the permanence and layout of clippings — links can change, be archived off-site or shunted to pay-for-archives sections of the news paper, and sometimes the web-version of an article is formatted in a less attractive way than the paper version.

    Cate should buy her mom a scanner, one that’s very user-friendly. That way her mom could cut out the coupons and articles, scan them, and e-mail the image files to Cate. That way Cate has no clutter, her mom avoids the hassle of hunting down links, and they both get to preserve the look and feel of sharing clippings.

    Bonus: if Cate’s mom has hoarding leanings, this might encourage her to transfer other paper collections to digital storage. (Recipes, medical paperwork, old invoices, photos, newspaper articles, etc).

14. Posted by Erin Doland - 08/07/2009

    @Polly — If someone were in a wheelchair would you condemn him for having a cleaning service? If someone were failing a subject at school would you deny him a tutor in that subject? If someone were having difficulty losing weight would you be against that person hiring a personal trainer and a nutritionist? It is okay if you have a problem to have an intermediary. Chronic disorganization and hoarding are REAL problems. There is no need to turn your back on people in need.

15. Posted by Firemouse - 08/07/2009

    When your mom and I were young women, away from home for college or just having left the nest, it was so great to get letters from home. There not only was no internet, but phone calls were rare, because they were “long distance” and quite expensive. We treasured those letters back and forth, and Mom and I both kept them. It’s quite a revelation to look at your letters from 40 years ago and meet up with your younger self.

    If a snail mail packet doesn’t have the same warm fuzzy feeling of keeping in touch for you as it does for your mom, explore with her what it means to her. Maybe she’d actually prefer some handwritten letters from _you_ rather than an email and a link.

    Your local newspaper, probably struggling like most to keep from bankruptcy, depends on the paper copies it sells. It puts very little of its content up on the web, because the advertising and subscription money it needs come from the hard copy. You just aren’t going to find out as much from the online copy.

    You actually do read the clippings, then recycle them, so I don’t see this as a clutter issue at all.

16. Posted by Katha - 08/07/2009

    The point I do not get is why some posters here are inferring – from the fact that she sends her daughter newspaper clippings – that the mom has problems with clutter or even hoarding tendencies! Just because she subscribes to a daily paper, obviously reads it and then sends on what is interesting? Where does it say that she herself hoards other clippings, the rest of the newspaper or indeed anything?

    Frankly, just from the enjoyment factor of it, cutting out an article and then mailing it is much more fun than searching the newspaper’s archives, then copy/pasting the links.

    To me, these clippings only are clutter if the daughter does not care for what she reads – but then they might be even more clutter in electronic form:

    If she’s not interested in the contents, the e-mail takes up more of her time: quickly scanning a clipping with your eyes and deciding it’s not worth your time is faster than clicking on the link, waiting for the page to load, then doing the same. (Not to mention the potential waste of time because then she does not manage to log off the internet again, which would be a factor for me.)

17. Posted by Erin Doland - 08/07/2009

    To many commenters … in her e-mail to me, Cate talked about the environmental impact (I cut out part of the e-mail, it was a long one) of her mother sending her these clippings a thousand miles. The gas it takes her mom to drive to the post office and the gas the post office uses to transport the letter.

18. Posted by Jessiejack - 08/07/2009

    I can just picture Cate’s mom reading the newspaper thinking of her daughter and wanting to share with her-it’s really a loving kind of thing and I would just be grateful that my mom was thinking of me. I don’t think the point of the process for mom is really the information exchange (in which case emil would be better) but rather the personal effort of doing something for her daughter.The one time this might be toxic is if mom’s sending mean articles which indirectly criticize her daughter such as weight loss tips if Cate’s overwight, then it could be hurtful.

19. Posted by infmom - 08/07/2009

    Both my parents sent me newspaper clippings. They’re both gone now, and I miss getting those envelopes in the mail.

    My mom also emailed me stuff from the New York Times online, a service she paid extra for out of her pitiful Social Security income. I tried to talk her into dropping the subscription to save money and use BugMeNot to log in, but she always insisted she didn’t know how that worked, no matter how often I showed her. I think she felt she ought to pay for access.

    If you’d really like your mom to start emailing you, set aside some time to go see her and sit down with her at the computer and show her how it works, and have her email you a few things so she gets the hang of it. My mother was pushing 70 when someone gave her a computer and showed her how to use it, and her world immediately expanded way beyond the confines of her home town.

20. Posted by Christine - 08/07/2009

    One of my good friends used to get envelopes in the mail every other day or so from his grandfather. His grandfather used to play chess with him when they would get together, and each day in the newspaper there was a little section of “Chess Tips” – he would clip them out and send them to him all the time. As an elementary-age kid, he used to laugh it off, but didn’t have the heart to tell his grandfather that he wasn’t interested in them. I always thought it was a sweet gesture, however.

    If the major concern here is that this woman’s mother is wasting money/gas, etc., then I would leave it be – obviously she enjoys sending them, and if the time/money is the only thing at stake, let it go. If the articles are of no interest to her daughter, however, in the first place, then I would just kindly break it to her by suggesting she pick up the phone to call her daughter instead of creating waste – they can always catch with a weekly phone call. )

21. Posted by Christine - 08/07/2009

    *catch up

22. Posted by SJ - 08/07/2009

    There was a beautifully written and funny essay in the July 2009 issue on this topic. It made me wish my parents sent me clippings! I think it’s a charming, intimate practice.

    http://www.realsimple.com/work.....page2.html

23. Posted by Jen C - 08/07/2009

    Maybe Cate should try to think of a way to be ok with the environmental impact of these tokens of her Mom’s love and care. Maybe there is something her Mom doesn’t do (like use electricity to read the paper on-line) that off-sets the use of paper for the envelope.

    Also, consider – this one letter a week doesn’t have an impact on how many USPS trucks go out or how much gas they use. Her Mom may not use any gas at all mailing the letters. The paper her Mom reads would be published on paper anyway.

    I would encourage Cate to try to figure out why such a tiny thing bothers her so much. Why is Cate wasting so much of her energy being bothered about something done (presumably) with thoughtfulness and love? Take this sign of caring for what it is and accept and appreciate that Mom like to do it this way and the environmental impact is more than offset by the joy her Mom gets from it.

    There is nothing here to indicate her Mom has a problem, just that Cate finds the environmental impacts objectionable and thinks they are easy to avoid.

24. Posted by Kathy - 08/07/2009

    Eh, read and recycle. People are overthinking this.

    Sure, her mom wastes gas driving to the PO and uses resources to have a letter mailed.

    But, doesn’t everyone (or most everyone) drive? Doesn’t anyone else send or receive mail?
    If anyone can say yes to these, then they are making a mountain out of a molehill with this topic.

25. Posted by Laura in Atlanta - 08/07/2009

    I think its sweet.
    Let her cut them and send them along . . . who is it hurting?

    Oldfashioned, sweet . . .

26. Posted by Rue - 08/07/2009

    I can see why some of you are thinking that it’s not a big deal to just throw out the clippings, that it’s just as easy to do that than to try to stop it at the source. But I’d be willing to bet that the people saying that are the same ones who have tried to opt out of getting catalogs and junk mail – it’s the same thing as what’s going on here except the issue is with junk mail instead of newspaper clippings. Why not read/recycle your junk mail instead of finding the contact info to get off the list? I don’t understand all the negativity.

    Cate, I think Erin hit the nail on the head with trying to figure out why your mother is sending you the clippings to begin with. I think you just need to be honest and straightforward with your mom – tell her that you appreciate that she’s thinking of you, but you’d rather her email you the articles (or just not send them at all).

27. Posted by Amy - 08/07/2009

    I agree that the environmental impact is nil. If she already receives the paper, by sharing it, in her eyes, she’s recycling. Plus, she saves electricity by not using the computer. (And while she has a computer, the technology used in building, transporting and disposing of electronic equipment is pretty bad).

    The mail carrier in my neighborhood picks up my outgoing mail from my mailbox. No gas there. Maybe her Mom combines trips when she goes to mail the letter. Perhaps she likes to get out of the house and a trip to the post office is just enough.

    My father did this sort of thing for years. No harm done, even though I could care less about most of the articles he sent. People engage me in conversation where I don’t care much about the subject and I don’t tell others to stop talking, so why would I stop this?

    That being said, I think your tips, Erin, are pretty good. Also, short of showing her Mom how to send the links, the writer could start emailing her Mom links to follow-up articles and keep asking her Mom if she has read them. Perhaps that will be the motivation her mother needs to finally get “online.”

28. Posted by lf - 08/07/2009

    I think this is one of those situations where people need to be grateful for what they have. I’m all for uncluttering — but mostly because I think it leads to a better quality of life, with increased time and energy for important relationships / responsibilities. Doesn’t getting worked up about an envelope a week — an envelope sent presumably with love, and recycled right away — work AGAINST that principle?

    i don’t want to be rude — but ugh.

29. Posted by Dawn F - 08/07/2009

    Rue: Receiving 2 or 3 newspaper clippings in 1 standard envelope does not seem to be the same thing as receiving (for example) a 27-page catalog from a retailer you don’t want to buy from, a 6-page sales advertisement from a furniture store you don’t even like or 4 credit card offers in the same week (in my opinion). Cancelling that type of retail/financial junk mail doesn’t seem similar at all (to me) as cancelling your mother’s 1 envelope per week of “junk” mail.

    People never know what they’ve got until it’s gone – i.e. perhaps Cate could appreciate her Mom’s efforts as someday Cate might wish the “junk” mail envelopes were still arriving after her mother’s passing. Plus, aren’t there so many other things in this big, rough world to worry about than the fact that your parent sends some newspaper clippings?

30. Posted by Theresa - 08/07/2009

    My mom sends me articles too. It’s her way of expressing that she loves me and is thinking of me. It’s a tangible expression for her – much better than her sending me cookies loaded with calories. And she certainly sends me emails and article links too.

    Yes, sometimes I just throw them out. And sometimes I grimace when I get them. But mostly I smile and skim them. If they annoyed me, I’d probably ask her to stop but then I’d be denying both her and me a tangible representation her caring. Not at all like junk mail which is more akin to spam than an email from a loved one.

    Besides, if she already gets the paper, then asking to also go online and find the same article she just read – which isn’t always easy, and send the link to you… Well, it certainly seems like it would be making something awkward for her.

31. Posted by Jen C - 08/07/2009

    Oh! Amy, what a good suggestion (e-mailing Mom links to follow up articles in response)! That goes hand in hand with Erin’s post on teaching by living from a week or two ago. You get a two-fer.

32. Posted by Kellie - 08/07/2009

    Both my mother and grandmother sent me articles, news clippings and comics. Now that they are gone, I’m happy they did and I’m happy that I set a few aside along with the cards they came in. It doesn’t take up any space (a small scrapbook) and my grandfather and I have shared many laughs and a few tears reading back over those old clips wondering just what was so funny or important about them at the time or marveling at how pertinent they still are today. Let mom do what she does and be happy she’s thinking of you.

33. Posted by Heather - 08/07/2009

    I definitely agree with some of the other posters on here. Yeah, her mom may be using up a VERY small amount of money and gas and energy sending her these clippings. But her mother is doing it because she is thinking of her often, and because she cares. This may not be the way Cate would prefer someone show they care about her, but it’s what she’s got, and it’s her mother’s own personal bizarre love language.

    I think it’s okay to be conservative with your own money or time or gas or energy. But when you tell people they are wrong for doing very small things to show they care, you are overstepping your bounds.

    I think the way to put it into perspective would be to go back to that good old Mastercard commercial. Newspaper for the day: 50 cents. Gas to & from the post office: 25 cents. Stamp: 42 cents (is that what they are now?). Having a mother who is well enough to read the paper, drive to the post office, and who goes out of her way EVERY WEEK to show she cares & is thinking about you… priceless.

34. Posted by Dawn F - 08/07/2009

    Heather: You rock. Your Mastercard commercial is a perfect way to sum up the entire observation!!

    It’s funny (or maybe not) – as each generation comes along they seem to want less and less actual, whole-hearted communication and interaction. Someday there will be a post about “Why can’t my mother stop emailing me her junk – can’t she just send a text? – it’s such a waste to email!” and then “Why can’t my mother stop texting me – can’t she just post it on Tweeter?” etc., etc. What’s next? You know what I mean?

35. Posted by Rebecca - 08/07/2009

    My parents and grandfather have always sent articles that they think will be interesting to me in the mail. They aren’t always, but I appreciate the thought and consider them lovely tokens of affection. In fact, recently while going through old letters, I found the last article my grandfather sent to me before he passed away, and I was grateful that I for some reason had decided to keep it and the short note he sent with it, even though I had no idea it would be the last one – it’s a beautiful reminder of him and love for me.

    Now that my father has decided to scan some articles and e-mail them to me, I have to admit that it doesn’t have quite the same impact…

    As others have said, sometimes it’s just about being grateful for what you have.

36. Posted by Rue - 08/07/2009

    @Dawn I understand what you’re saying…I realize that huge catalogs and whatnot are a lot more paper received (and probably more often received) than Cate’s clippings. But the concept is the same – she’s trying to stop receiving something she’s not interested in/doesn’t want to receive – and that’s what I was trying to point out.

    To those who say Cate should just be thankful – she can be thankful for her mother caring enough to send her stuff but still not desire to have the stuff that’s being sent. Just like a Christmas gift that’s not your style – you appreciate the sentiment, but you’d rather not have the item.

37. Posted by Lori Paximadis - 08/07/2009

    What Heather said. It’s the thought that counts, not the format or the content. I, too, am having a hard time wrapping my head around why this is so irritating to the recipient. Some people are just more comfortable functioning in the world of pen and paper.

    My mom has a computer and e-mail and Internet access, too, but she has a hard time figuring out how to use it all, and more often than not, it’s a huge source of frustration (rather than connection) for her. She just doesn’t get it. But that’s part of her charm.

38. Posted by Maura - 08/07/2009

    I recently commented to my daughter that I have a shoebox full of letters written by family and friends during my childhood, college years, and beyond — and how I treasure those. And how, in 20 years, my daughter will not have these types of mementos from her childhood and college years.

    She leaves this month. Just yesterday she bought ‘real’ birthday cards to send to her HS friends. She suddenly values “snail mail” as having something tangible to curb her anticipated homesickness.

    My Mom passed away recently, and I was thrilled to find all of the letters I had written to HER, while I was a college. I got to know myself better.

    Yes, I am sure my daughter and I will email and text message — but I hope she doesn’t think of the snail mail I will send her, as clutter — and that she will treasure my handwritten letters when she reaches my age. Hopefully she will even write me back — for her sake, so she has tangible memories of these coming years.

39. Posted by Beste - 08/07/2009

    Instead of sending them, my mother keeps them until my next visit (I live far away, so once a year). Since she hates clutter, I cannot interpret it as transferring the clutter. I think it is a way some parents like to share what they read. I enjoy it.

40. Posted by Celeste - 08/07/2009

    The mom is sweet. She is thinking of her daughter and this is how she expresses it. Maybe the daughter should re-frame it a little. It’s still a card from her mother and IMO, nobody should tally up the carbon footprint of love.

    The only loving way for the daughter to ask her mother to change is to say mom, I love hearing from YOU, I don’t need any clippings. Make it okay for the mom to send her far-away daughter something in the mail that isn’t a bill. Honestly, this “green” stuff can really be taken too far. I draw the line at making an anxiety condition out of it.

    Some older people just don’t enjoy the computer, and some smaller town newspapers don’t have websites to link from anyhow.

41. Posted by Katha - 08/07/2009

    @Rue:

    The difference between all the other junk mail and this mother’s mail is that it hurts no-one’s feelings if you go on the opt-out list to the former…

    Plus, the letter-writer says she reads the clippings. That’s what they are for! So they’re not junk, in my opinion.

42. Posted by Sue - 08/07/2009

    My father is the Coupon King, and to this day he still cuts out coupons for me and mails them if he knows he won’t be seeing me before they will expire. These days, the cost of the stamp almost negates the value of the coupons, but it’s the thought that counts.

    For Father’s Day, I made him a new coupon holder using a small expanding wallet and my label maker. I was able to give him an entire section for “Give to Others”, since he also sends coupons to my brother and sister.

43. Posted by SB - 08/07/2009

    This is SO not a clutter issue. Just let your mom send you the darn clippings already. You’d likely hurt her feelings by asking her to stop.

44. Posted by Leanne - 08/07/2009

    I know this may not be the place to say this, and my comment may not help, but it is from the heart.

    I wish beyond reason that my mom was around to send me email clippings. Please, please stop worrying and let her continue to do something she obviously enjoys. This is so small, and if it makes her happy, which I get the feeling it does, please just let it go.

45. Posted by Leanne - 08/07/2009

    Doh, I meant newspaper clippings. Sorry.

46. Posted by ga - 08/07/2009

    Have we run out of real problems?

47. Posted by Leah - 08/07/2009

    I think Cate has a point from an environmental perspective… But from an emotional perspective, I don’t think a weekly set of clippings is exactly clutter.

    This reminds me of my mom and her sister. While both have email, and phone, my mom used to print out joke email forwards she received and snail mail them to my aunt — even though they both used email. My aunt had cancer, and I think it gave her something special to read while she was in the lodge and undergoing treatments. It was a way for my mom to be there for her and support her, even though we live across the country.

    I think in this world of constant communication, it’s nice to receive something in the mail, to know that someone took the time to go to the letterbox and send you something. It means they were thinking of you, and thought enough to show they cared.

    One person’s clutter is another person’s treasure, I suppose.

48. Posted by Shana - 08/07/2009

    Cate, your mom loves you. My mother is incredibly abusive, and has rarely had a kind word to say to or about me. Count your blessings! The environmental impact of these mailings is negligible, and I suspect that they’re one of the ways your mom shows that she loves you. When kids grow up, parents have so few ways to nurture that I think you need to see this as the good thing it is and chill out. You can teach your kids to do things the tech-savvy way, but I don’t think that this is a behavior that needs correcting, as Erin seems to imply in the article. Your mom is of the last non-techie generation, and will eventually die, solving the problem, so enjoy her, as she is, while she’s still with you.

49. Posted by Gina - 08/07/2009

    Cate doesn’t at all have a point from an environmental perspective.

    Using email instead of paper to communicate isn’t a switch to being eco-friendly. To use email you need to use electricity, hardware (both the hardware for your computer, the receiver’s computer, and all the telecommunications infrastructure in between). The infrastructure used for telecommunications — whether wireless or landline-based, is not environmentally friendly. The processes for constructing computers (and even more to dispose of them) are not environmentally friendly. All told, the cost to the environment of email is higher than paper.

    Cate, your mom is giving you a gift — something she saw made her think of you, and she’s sharing something with you. Accept her gift with grace and be thankful somebody cares enough about you to send you little things. To do anything less (including anything to discourage her) would be self-centered and selfish beyond belief.

50. Posted by Karyn - 08/07/2009

    I think some of you are being rather hard on Cate. To me it’s an obvious case of generation-gap thinking: Cate’s simply thinking like a young adult of this generation, and to her sending things in e-mail is the obvious way to go. I don’t think she’s trying to be “selfish” or “unappreciative” of her mother; she’s just wondering why her mother is doing things the old-school way and thinking that it would be more environmentally friendly to do it digitally. And “environmentally friendly” is one of the hallmarks of her generation’s viewpoint and values. She seems like she’s trying to do a good and caring thing, and I think it’s rather mean to pile on her and heap on the criticism and judgment.

    Meanwhile, for people in my generation and older, for whom care packages and snail mail miscellany were signs of love and connection, we see the situation from her mom’s perspective. Helping her to see it from her mother’s point of view, as well as pointing out the negligible ecological footprint of one letter per week buried in a ton of mail already going out, is the much more constructive approach that some of you have taken, and I hope Cate sifts it out from the “ungrateful daughter” judgments being thrown her way.

    Sorry if I sound harsh, but man, I can’t believe some of the things I’m reading in this thread, and I feel sorry for the young woman who posted her concern in good faith expecting constructive feedback.

51. Posted by dorothy - 08/07/2009

    I agree that this is a sweet practice on the mom’s part. My father-in-law wrote up little science-grams for his sons for years (he’s a physics professor) and mailed them. He’s a paper-based kind of guy. Not everyone has that level of expertise, yet they still want to want to share things with their kids.

    Maybe it’s something that seems more important once you have kids of your own? You love them so much, and you want them to know.

52. Posted by SB - 08/07/2009

    I admit I was kind of harsh, and actually regretted it a few minutes later. I think it just kind of rubbed me the wrong way initially–it seemed to portray “Mom” as kind of a ridiculous figure in a way that got under my skin–but I think that was my own incorrect perception and not Cate’s intention.

    So, Cate, I apologize–but I do hope you don’t say anything to your mom, and maybe just look for one extra way on your end to be environmentally friendly, in order to offset her mailings.

53. Posted by SB - 08/07/2009

    Oh, and do read the Real Simple piece that SJ linked to above (http://www.realsimple.com/work.....)–it really is rather sweet.

54. Posted by Jen - 08/07/2009

    Well, I am in the same scenario with my MIL; it’s not every week but every couple of weeks she sends us quite a bundle of photocopied articles from the various health newsletters she subscribes to. Most are not online, or require a paid subscription, so she’d have to scan them to email them to me (I think she has a scanner).

    I never thought to ask why she sends them in more depth; when I first asked she just said it’s important to keep informed about health matters. Maybe I will ask again and see if we can’t have a deeper conversation about it.

    They aren’t retired yet, so we’ll see if she steps it up or has better things to do when that happens.

    Thanks for a good response Erin!

55. Posted by Wendy - 08/07/2009

    My Dad saves newspaper articles for me and it’s nothing more then “I though you would be interested in this article.” While it would be easier for me to view the articles online I know that he is a very avid newspaper reader and it’s faster for him to mark the article. When I’m done I just recycle the paper.

    My Grandmother would mail envelopes of clippings to us because it was important to her that we have the news from my Dad’s hometown. She also saved hundreds of clippings. Now that she is gone, my family has a wonderful record of family events and stories through the clippings.

    If the clippings are important to keep the best way to preserve them is to scan/print or photocopy onto acid free paper

56. Posted by Melinda - 08/07/2009

    Things my mother did were really irritating to me once. I would give anything to be irritated again. She’s been gone for 5 years now. I miss her terribly.
    My advice, just let her continue doing it, out of grace. She may not feel comfortable using the computer or email and why should she learn? She’s quite fine with putting it in the post. She is your mother, she thinks you’re important, so she sends you these things. Maybe try to think about the articles in a different way when you receive them – “My mother thinks I’m important.”

57. Posted by Lynne - 08/07/2009

    As the mother of a daughter who has, this year, flown the coop and gone to university, I cut things from the local papers and mailers and send them to her. I don’t expect her to keep them forever more. But it is a personal touch that computers just don’t convey. Today’s generation are losing that appreciation of receiving personal mail in the mailbox. The mailbox now brings bills and circulars etc. And the computer brings emails etc. But, as a life-long penpal to several people around the world, I can vouch for the fact that nothing will ever replace the personal touch of someone taking the time to sit and write out a letter and put items of interest in and then post it.

    Has the time come when the personal touch is now seen as another form of cluttering. What a truly horrible thought.

58. Posted by Lynne - 08/07/2009

    p.s. forgot to add that my daughter said it gives her a buzz whenever she gets something from home in her mailbox.

59. Posted by Haley J. - 08/07/2009

    I had a similar issue, but it didn’t come in the mail. Every time I visited my Grandma (who reared me), I would find a stack (STACK!) of newspaper clippings waiting on me. Some, very old. I casually mentioned one day, 10 years ago, that she didn’t have to go to this trouble for me– that I pretty well kept up with my friends and such. She has never quit clipping them, but now she always remarks in a pained voice that it’s such a shame that I don’t care about keeping up with home.

    I wish I’d never said anything. They’re recyclable, and I could have just pretended to read them and then toss them out.

60. Posted by Jay - 08/07/2009

    You say, “I hate that she is wasting money and energy mailing me clippings.” Clipping and mailing papers requires little money or energy.

    I would suggest that you unclutter your mind of worries about your mother’s expenditure of money and energy doing clippings.

    It appears that you really hate the clippings. Is it such a big deal for you to put them in the recycling bin?

    If you like your mother, leave this issue alone. If you dislike your mother, tell her to stop.

61. Posted by Janice - 08/07/2009

    This is from a mother whose sons (both in their 20’s) have left the nest and moved out of town. I understand how Cate’s mother is feeling. It’s hard letting your children leave the nest especially when they are not in the same town to share the news and events happening there. Cate’s mom is probably trying to keep the two of them connected this way. Since I’m comfortable with the technology I email, IM, text message, and use phone calls to stay connected. It was still hard on me when my youngest son turned 24 on August 1 and my oldest turned 28 yesterday (August 6).
    Cate, since you recycle the clippings anyway just look at from your mother’s standpoint. This is her way of showing how much she is missing out on your life now and doesn’t want you to forget about where you were raised. Remember, it’s the way she is comfortable with trying to stay connected.

62. Posted by Hanna - 08/07/2009

    My father used to send me clippings & vice versa. it made us closer. After a unrelated disagreement, he no longer sends them. it breaks my heart

63. Posted by Moose G - 08/08/2009

    As someone who is probably of ‘that’ generation, i think of snail mail as the ultimate in luxury communication.

    Anything sent via postal mail shows immediately that is has been sent with thought and concern, and is recieved with this extra message intact.

    Clutter doesn’t just relate to physical objects, it can also relate to processes as well.

    1. Read paper
    2. if interesting aritcle – clip
    2.. Continue reading paper
    4. Put clippings into envelope
    5. Post when near post office

    is a far less cluttered process than

    1. Read paper
    2. If article interesting, highlihg
    3. Switch computer on
    4. Connect to internet
    5. Open e-mail client (or log into web mail)
    6. Search for story on website.
    7. Copy link (if you are able to) into e-mail.
    8. Mail to daughter

    So in your attempt to avoid 1 envelope per week, that will take you less time to deal with than e-mail, you are wanting to add unneccesary clutter into your mother’s life, and possibly deprive her of doign something she enjoys doing, and also encourage her to stay in and not maintain her mobility and independence. Way to go, forward thinking and modern there.

    As others have said, you will miss her when she has gone. I know lots of people right now who could do with a mother like yours.

64. Posted by deb - 08/08/2009

    This is just silly. If you really want to get nit-picky how page clutter is here talking about it (including my silly post)?

    My dad dies a few years ago. I can’t tell you how much I would LOVE to have him alive to send me clippings every single week. Treasure it and stop making a problem out of it. I think the environmental impact of the situation is terribly inflated. Please don’t tell you mom to stop taking the newspaper that she obviously loves reading. Some day she’ll be gone and you’ll wonder why you made a problem out of this.

    ps: My mom send me those mass emailings of urban legends and stuff to every single person in her address book. So impersonal and gosh darn it, it clutters up my inbox. Do I say anything? No. There’s that delete button, I use it. I suggest you just use the trash can or compost the clippings.

65. Posted by jimmy - 08/08/2009

    I suggest that the original writer takes the time once in a while to write a note to her mother (pen, paper, envelope and stamp) thanking her for the clippings and telling her how she enjoyed reading them, and maybe starting a discussion about one of the topics. Her mother will be overjoyed to get such a letter. That would be priceless.

66. Posted by jimmy - 08/08/2009

    @Hanna – clip something out of tomorrow’s paper and send it to your Dad. Only one of you has to make the first move to mend your heart.

67. Posted by Anca - 08/08/2009

    I don’t see how “get over it” is constructive advice.

    Cate should call her mom, tell her she appreciates her clippings, but that maybe they could alter the format to save time, money, and mailbox clutter. Her mom could still clip out the articles if she insists on receiving the hardcopy version of the paper, but once a week Cate can go to the paper’s website, call up her mom, and they can browse and discuss the articles together. I’m sure the mom will appreciate this increased level of mom/daughter interaction.

68. Posted by Caroline - 08/08/2009

    I used to be so annoyed with the clippings that my Mother would send me. Some interesting some not. She is dead now, and I now understand that that was her way of sending her love, and her way of communicating. I did not appreciate that at the time – convinced that my way was the right way — always. It was easier for my Mother to do this than to talk to me directly. Same with my Grandma. I think being a mature, empathetic adult means that we see past our views on how things should be done, and allow others to have their own needs and opinions. Just enjoy it while you can – it won’t be forever.

69. Posted by Nancy F. - 08/08/2009

    I thought the point of uncluttering wasn’t to sterilize our lives but to allow us to focus more energy on our relationships, etc.

    It is silly of me to add what’s already been said, but this is an emotional response rather than a rational on, much like my mom sending me clippings.

    She was once a bit letter writer. She was the glue that held friendships together by making sure communication happened. She still has close friends from her childhood, high school, and college. Now, at 83, she is less able to write letters. Now she clips articles and sends them in the mail. It is still her way of staying in touch, letting me know she’s thinking of me. It’s no more an environmental drain than if the envelope included a letter. Perhaps we should do away with physical mail altogether, but electronic media also has an environmental cost.

    And, it is still a grace and pleasure to receive mail that has tangibly traveled from here to there. Keep sending the articles, Mom. I love you, too.

70. Posted by When does uncluttering become sterilization? « Two Cats and Counting - 08/08/2009

    [...] on the living room floor, strew clothes around the house, and leave dirty dishes on the counter. Yesterday was one such [...]

71. Posted by Karyn - 08/08/2009

    I don’t see what “someday your mother is going to DIE” has to do with an honest difference of opinion. Are there people out there who’ve NEVER disagreed with their mothers? Do we really need to drag in the “you don’t appreciate your mother” shame card? Of course Cate’s mother is going to die someday; we’re ALL going to die someday, in case anyone hasn’t figured that out yet. I live every day with that awareness, but I don’t dwell on it; I just live my life, day by day, as it unfolds, and I don’t let the fact that the person I’m interacting with is going to die someday affect my opinions or interactions.

    My own mother died last September, suddenly, of a previously-undetected cancer that had metastasized. Did I regret ever disagreeing with her, or regret that I didn’t accept every doo-dad she wanted to pass on my way? No. I regretted that she went into that hospital on a beautiful August day thinking her symptoms pointed to a severe form of arthritis, only to find that she was about to die of cancer beyond treatment. I regretted that she had to face death so suddenly and so traumatically. I regretted that she would never go back to her home and to her gardens, never get to decorate outrageously for Halloween and Thanksgiving and Christmas that year. I regretted that everything was taken from her without warning, and that she died two weeks before her 67th birthday.

    I never regretted that she and I were independent-minded people with our own thoughts and opinions and sometimes strong disagreements. That’s who we were. That’s who we are. There was still love and affection, even if we sometimes thought each other to be nuckin’ futz.

    And I raised my son to be the same way: think for himself, be free to express his own opinions, without fearing that disagreement equals a lack of love. Because it doesn’t.

    No guilt trips, only peace.

72. Posted by Phil - 08/09/2009

    Buy her a scanner which integrates with her email program.
    She can clip articles to her heart’s content, have them emailed to you and recycle them. She saves on postage and you get all the articles in your inbox.

73. Posted by Cynthia Friedlob, The Thoughtful Consumer - 08/10/2009

    Another vote here for leaving Mom alone and appreciating the time she takes to think of her daughter. A few clippings on a weekly basis are not a big deal. If the daughter’s only complaint is that she is concerned about the environmental impact of her mother’s kind gesture, I think she’s way off base.

    I like Celeste’s comment that no one should tally up the carbon footprint of love! Nice comment by Jimmy to Hanna, too, about reopening communication with her father.

74. Posted by Melinda - 08/10/2009

    @ Karyn, I think what people are trying to get at, is not to sweat the small stuff, in the grand scheme of life where so much can go wrong, as you know (been through the same as you Karyn, so I know too) this article mailing business really is a very trivial thing for her to worry about, yet it possibly is important to the mother. It seems as though it would be much easier for the daughter to recycle them, than to potentially hurt the mother’s feelings. The daughter might end up saying something to her mother, it’s really up to her.

75. Posted by Shalin - 08/11/2009

    Just a few thoughts:

    Moms can do soo many loving things…that also get to be annoying.

    On one hand…how would you feel after getting URL links that can easily be glanced over and forgotten (as you Mom may fear would happen) vs. having tactile, “handcrafted” news from home sent with love from none other than Mom…

    I’m sure there’s a way to accommodate the core interests of both parties in some other manner…but I just wanted to mention that thought…

    Best,
    Shalin

76. Posted by Karyn - 08/12/2009

    @Melinda – Yes, I do understand the point about how this is really a minor issue in terms of environmental impact, and some of the other practical points raised. That’s fine, and I’ve even affirmed some of those points in previous comments.

    What’s NOT fine is the way in which some people have been framing this issue as if the young woman had committed some horrible wrong against being a Good Daughter and how “you know, it might be meaningful to your mom” has morphed into shaming her for being so “thoughtless” as to even raise the question in the first place. I think all of the exaggerated shame-talk is blowing things WAY out of proportion, here.

    Truth is, she hasn’t done anything shameful or wrong in asking her question. It seems like everyone’s identifying with the mom–or their own mental images of the mom–and nobody’s empathizing at all with the daughter’s point of view. Maybe her surface concern about the ecological footprint is masking a deeper concern about being able to establish personal boundaries, to be able to say to her own mother (the last frontier in separation and independence, I think we’d all agree!), “You know, I appreciate that you care, but I really don’t want/need this.”

    Maybe what the daughter really needs is a course in How To Say “No” to Mom Without Fear of Being Perceived as an Ungrateful Unloving Daughter Who Will Be Sorry Someday When Mom Is Gone.

    Anyway, whether or not you understand my concerns, here, I’m mainly posting on the chance that the young woman may be watching responses, so she knows there are other ways of looking at the situation, and maybe even takes a bit of support from it after the battering she’s gotten in this thread.

77. Posted by Dave - 08/12/2009

    Cut your Mom a break. She enjoys clipping the articles and thinking of you reading them. Perhaps she doesn’t need to change or be “trained” to send links. How about you change! Read the articles be happy she sends them and,oh my God here is an idea, write her a note of thanks and send it snail mail. Picture the joy on her face when she reads your note and then rereads it several times during the next few weeks until you send another or come home.

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