I’m 27 and the parent of a 1-year-old. My parents restricted us to 1 sport (mandatory) and 1 other activity (optional). The sport was mandatory to keep us active and teach us how to be active adults. I did everything from soccer to basketball to volleyball to swimming to biking to running to weight lifting to discus/shotput to marching band (and if you think that one isn’t a sport, clearly you have never been in a top-ranked marching band!). However, I never did more than one activity at a time. Today, I play pick-up games of basketball, volleyball, and soccer. I lift weights. I can’t run much (messed up knee and foot), but I speed-walk and bike still. I swim three days per week at the local community center.

I also did math club, theater, Rainbow Girls, and a few other things. Again, no more than one at a time.

Our family was unusual because we actually ate a sit-down, homecooked dinner together every night. My friends loved coming over for homemade pizza night on Fridays. We frequently invited other families over for Sunday dinner after church. Because we weren’t running around like crazy people, we had time to actually get to know each other, and for our parents to get to know our friends.

I want that for my husband and kid now, too. I love lazy Sundays at home with my husband and son, just enjoying each other’s company. We love our relaxing Friday pizza-and-a-movie tradition (carried over from my parents’ house!), to which our son’s friends will always be welcome (he’s only 1 now).

I intend to give my child the opportunities to learn whatever he wants to learn, but within reason. Family dinners and relaxing Sunday afternoons are too important to sacrifice on the altar of false opportunity.

As the Greeks suggested, “Moderation in all things.” Perhaps there is some middle ground between every program and one activity.

While family activities benefit the kids and the family, inflexibly and arbitrarily limiting the non-family activities to one seems unnecessary. Two non-family activities that meet once a week, require no practice, and are nearby may be less time-consuming than one non-family activity that meets daily, requires practice, and is far away.

Also, keep in mind that some lessons can only be done outside the home. I don’t have a gymnastics facility or swimming pool, so gymnastics and swimming lessons, if my wife and I opt for them, will be outside the home.

In addition, sometimes, to ensure “well-rounded” kids, parents encourage or expose their kids to activities that will bring out other aspects of their personalities or development. The kids would never choose these activities themselves. Limiting non-family activities to one would eliminate these potentially beneficial activities.

By the way, my wife and I have two kids, ages five and two.

@Michelle-You make an important point, though. If parents are limiting their kids’ activities for the sake of family time and well-rested family members, they need to be willing to do the same. I had to quit my local Rotary club and some other volunteer activities, in order to clear my schedule to focus on being a mom. Now, I have one, Weight Watchers, which I justify as it increases the healthfulness of the whole family. Work takes us away from home enough, so limiting activities helps us stay connected as a family and reduces stress.

What are your kids going to write on the “extracurricular activities” section of their college applications? “Hung out with Mom”?

Since when? And how is Jane wanting to spend as much quality family time together forcing them to adhere to her schedule?

Way to go, Jane. I’m sure there is no right and wrong in this situation, and what works for her may not work for others, but in this society of self-entitlement, it appears that she has well-adjusted, relatively happy children, and a close-knit family. There is no magic number of activities, and making hard choices is part of life. People that are so completely broke that they can’t afford for their children to attend any outside activities surely have kids that grow up to be fine, so I don’t see the issue with Jane having her children pick just one.

Nice article, Erin. Thanks for sharing.

Yes, I was restricted to one activity growing up. (One activity at a time, anyway.) I was fine with this, as it left me with more time to read, write, paint very bad pictures, and play with my friends. My sister deeply resented having to choose only one activity, and blamed my mother for being so cruel as to be unable to afford all her desires.

–S

Our rule is if you join a sport you must go to all your practices and games. We do not feel it is fair to your team to have to choose going to a game in one sport over another. It is terribly disappointing to the children that show up for a game only to have to forfeit because “Johnny” went to play a soccer game or perform in a concert, instead of being at their baseball game.

It is funny my son chose not to try out for the All Star baseball team this year, and he has been called numerous times to fill in because someone else wasn’t fulfilling their commitment to the team to be at a game.
I think parents need to do what works for their own families, but also be sure their children are able to fulfill the commitment to their team or group.

My parents had us in very few outside activities, but we did a lot of stuff together as a family…biking, reading, swimming, canoeing, making music, and so on. It wasn’t stuff that isolated us.