Teaching your tikes to help with chores
My daughter is two and a half years old. And, thankfully, one of her favorite things to do is to wipe up a spill. Unfortunately, this sometimes results in her spilling things on purpose just to run into the kitchen and fetch a dish towel. My wife and I try to get her to help around the house as much as a two and a half year old can and she seems to enjoy just about everything we throw at her. This is a good start and hopefully she’ll take on more responsibilities as she grows.
She takes part in the nightly ritual of picking up all her toys that are left on the floor in the den before she goes to bed. The task only takes a couple of minutes and it leaves the room less cluttered than it was. She has become quite adept at this task and sometimes she even initiates it.
In an article in the Washington Post, the issue of teaching a young child the importance of pitching in around the home is examined. From the article:
Now that my daughter, at 20 months, is old enough to do things such as put her shirt in a hamper and wipe a spill — or at least some portion of it — I realize that this is my opportunity to strike. The second her masticated Cheerios hit the floor is a teachable moment, a chance to explain that half-chewed food lives in the trash and not under our feet. By showing her how to clean up after herself, child development experts tell me, I am instilling a sense of accomplishment and helping her master the subtle variation in skill required to scoop up squished cereal as opposed to squished peas.
The article covers different aspects of household chores and looks at the amount of time that we spend on chores in general. According to research, the amount of time that we spend on chores has decreased significantly over the last 20 years. The decrease in household chores is due to both parents working, children taking part in more activities, and outsourcing to cleaning services.
If household chores have decreased on average, then there are still many things that your child should learn to help out with around the home. A cleaning service isn’t in your home 24/7, so picking up after themselves is at the top of the list. The younger they are, the easier it is to instill this basic task into their routine.
Posted by Matt on Nov 13, 2008 |
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20 comments posted
Posted by jocelyn - 11/13/2008
you could keep a small cup of water on a tray with a little sponge. She can pour the water onto the tray and transfer it back into the cup with the sponge to her heart’s content.
Posted by Sharon J - 11/13/2008
I could personally do with some advice on teaching young adults how to help with the chores! Mine were brilliant as kids – not so now.
Posted by Fit Bottomed Girls - 11/13/2008
That’s awesome. Plus, it creates less work for the parents! Dang, if I could only train my husband that way. lol.
Posted by Andy - 11/13/2008
Sure, it might be nice to have your children help with chores, but don’t assume it’s going to make them a better person. There’s basically no chance of *that*.
Posted by Carl Cravens - 11/13/2008
That’s the basic problem, Sharon. When they’re two, “chores” are a game, and it’s easy to get them to play along. When chores become an actual chore, then basic human nature kicks in.
From my own experience as a child and adult, and working through my son’s own childhood, kids aren’t going to value “chores” and “work”… they have to learn to value what that work creates. And the problem is, you can’t *teach* them to value a clean floor… they have to come to terms with that on their own.
In my experience, that generally doesn’t come until they’re out of the house and learn that if they don’t pick it up, nobody else will. And some never learn to appreciate a clean floor. Or to appreciate a clean floor more than we dislike the chores.
Heck… isn’t that more or less why we’re all here on Unclutterer? Because we hit adulthood without picking up the household skills our parents tried to teach us?
Posted by Amanda - 11/13/2008
I don’t entirely agree with Carl Cravens comments, but to each his own. A child may intially do chores because its a game but as the Washington Post article states it helps their sense of accomplishment.
A young adult may not appreciate a clean floor in and of itself, but if it means the difference between receiving an allowance or not, he will still value it.
For myself, I wanted my allowance so I did any chore assigned to me. If I or my sister didn’t do our chores, we could not go and do fun activities with our friends. Perhaps this was strict but it instilled a sense that our family and the household we lived in came first and all other activities were secondary and a priviledge.
Posted by Michele - 11/13/2008
My daughter, at 9, is very efficient at purging her dresser drawers and closet every few months — she doesn’t do it of her own initiative, but once I announce that it’s a dresser-cleaning day, I don’t have to hover over her or nag her to get it done.
We’ve been doing this kind of purging regularly for a few years now. As a result, she feels no attachment to clothes that don’t fit, are too worn out to wear, or were gifts that don’t suit her. Off they go into the giveaway bag, and we haul them to the charity shop together.
When she straightens her room, finishes a purge, or helps with a household chore, I like to say, as offhandedly as I can, “What a pleasure it is to walk into a clean room!” or “Boy, do I like coming home to a clean kitchen in the evening. It sure is nice that we got the breakfast dishes done before we left this morning” — or something to that effect.
I think saying things like that (and backing it up with actually keeping our home neat and clean) helps her to internalize an appreciation for a sanitary, relatively clutter-free home. I’m pretty certain that she’ll get it by the time she moves out, even if she “rebels” for a while doesn’t keep up her college dorm or apartment.
Posted by Stuart - 11/13/2008
My son loves putting his dirty clothes in the hamper. He is 18 months. Now onto picking up his toys.
Posted by Tabitha (From Single to Married) - 11/13/2008
I agree – teach them while they’re young! I look at the boys in my family who did not seem to grow up with the same desire to pick up after themselves and I noticed that that habit (or lack thereof) transferred with them into adulthood. It’s taken a lot of practice and I’m sure a little prodding from their wives to make the habit finally seemed to stick. Moral of the story: definitely start them young!
Posted by Peregrin - 11/13/2008
This is timely. I’ve been neglecting my responsibility to teach my kids to clean up after themselves and have just started trying to change that (my kids are 10, 7, and 3, with another one on the way). Telling the kids that I will need their help when the baby comes will hopefully be a good motivator–every child likes to feel useful and needed, right?
Plus it’ll help them learn to take care of themselves and their home–something I think everyone should learn, no matter who they are or what kind of home they have. Self-sufficiency is a good thing. 
Posted by momofthree - 11/13/2008
Didn’t read all the other posts, but I tend to think that teaching your children how to clean up falls under the very broad category of P-A-R-E-N-T-I-N-G.
My kids all learned to clean up at an early age, and now, have no problems cleaning up after anyone, regardless of age. Helping with laundry, vacuuming, and all those household chores come naturally now. Guess I trained them well for when they are on their own, am I, as the mom, supposed to become their personal char woman? I think NOT!
Even when I taught at a Mom’s Day Out program, we,as teachers, had the students (2-3 years old) how to pick up scraps of paper, food bits, and other debris from the floor. Cleaning up after oneself is a must when out and about in the working world!!
Posted by DJ - 11/13/2008
I found that when my children were young they were delighted to help with household chores. They craved real ‘grown-up’ jobs, like putting away books, clothes, toys, and cleaning.
I thought to myself, “Yay! I’m training them young. When they are teens it will be a breeze to keep the house clean and all without any nagging!”
Now, other people’s mileage may vary, but it’s just the opposite here. My teenagers loathe any type of cleaning. They have to be nagged like crazy to do their chores and help out around the place. What they once did eagerly, they would now walk 10,000 miles to avoid.
Sigh.
Posted by Bex! - 11/13/2008
You may not be able to teach them to love cleaning, but you can teach them how to clean. And that’s a valuable skill they’ll have access to if/when at some point it becomes important to them.
Posted by Meg - 11/13/2008
I personally believe that kids who hate cleaning in their teens, really dislike how their parents are asking them to do it. I hated how my mother demanded I do something, so I refused. She always demanded even when first asking. My dad had a knack for asking nicely, so I did it. Also I disliked having my mother come back and redo the work I had just done or say it wasn’t good enough. And making your children do all the cleaning, isn’t going to make them want to help out. You can’t be relaxing or standing over them watching, you have to be helping out as well.
So for those of you having issues with your teens, I would stop and think about how you are asking and if you are nitpicking at the result. It doesn’t matter how it was done, just that it was done. Even if it isn’t the way you would do it.
Posted by Sky - 11/14/2008
Not sure anyone really loves cleaning but it is part of life, may as well get used to it early with good habits.
Good job Matt!
Posted by Megan - 11/14/2008
My son is 18 months, and I’ve started teaching him to “help” as well. I will hand him wet clothes from the washer and he will put them (most of the time) in the dryer. He also helps put his toys in the toy basket before bedtime. His favorite thing though, is the Swiffer. You can take the middle length out of the handle and put it back together to make it the perfect length for a toddler. He asks for it ALL THE TIME. Not sure what I’m going to do when the Swiffers are all used up (I’m not going to buy any more because I’m trying to be “greener”) and I switch to using our microfiber mop exclusively. That one’s handle can’t be shortened.
Posted by Michele - 11/14/2008
@Bex writes: “You may not be able to teach them to love cleaning, but you can teach them how to clean.”
That’s the truth! I lived with a roommate after college who, in his early 20s, did not know how to do dishes. Now, I don’t expect anyone to enjoy doing dishes, but at least you should know how to do dishes by the time you leave your parents’ house!
Posted by Robin M. - 11/15/2008
Part of the deal with parenting is that you just have to put up with the complaining. In my house, you can complain, but you still have to do your chores. And too much complaining will lose you further privileges. We set up a list that changes every month, we take time together to do our chores, and it’s just a fact of life.
Posted by Viv Evans - 11/21/2008
Easiest way to get teens to clean? Type up a list and hand it to them. Ask them to cross off items as they go and tell them they can’t do anything else until it’s finished and finished right. My boys got the dreaded Saturday morning list every Saturday from age 8 onward. I planned it so they started with about 30 minutes and built until it took maybe 90 minutes by the time they were seniors in high school. They hated it, but when it’s a list done on a computer it depersonalizes the process, and they don’t argue.
As they got older, I would even make a master list on the computer and one got to divide up the chores and the other got to pick his list first.
Tell them once how to do a chore, and the first time they do it, do it with them and explain the standards. After that, don’t nag, don’t correct as they work, just expect it to be done and done right. If it isn’t, then they re-do it and they don’t go out until they do.
Even our exchange student participated for the 18 months he lived with us. Once he complained about it and I told him he could live in a boarding house situation like some other international students we knew, or he could live in a family, work hard, and get rewards like going to NBA games or out for dinner and a movie with the rest of us.
Some people say it sounds cold, but this process prepares kids for real life and gives them choice in how to tackle a to-do list and break down a project rather than in how to be harangued into doing it someone else’s way. Part of being a parent is preparing your kids in how to live on their own, and this worked well for us.
Posted by Taylor at Household Management 101 - 01/20/2009
I believe chores are an essential part of training my children to become adults. I have also found, as I have more children, that I underestimated what my older children could do when they were at younger ages. Looking back, I could have had them doing more than I did, but I didn’t have faith they could do it.
When assigning children chores I have found that, at first, it takes me more time than just doing it myself. Children get overwhelmed if they are just told, go clean this. They don’t know what to do and just get paralyzed.
However, training does not last forever, and it is well worth it. On my blog I have an example of how I trained my children to fold laundry at a young age. That is one of the earliest chores children can do, or at least assist with.
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