Answering unique reader mail
Readers e-mail us some, uh, er, um, interesting questions. I’ve been collecting them, and I decided to do a whimsical question and answer column for today filled with my best attempts at responses. Feel welcome to play along and provide answers to any questions that interest you in the comments:
After organizing/minimalising/unclutterring a space, is it okay to write a poem about it if you are so inspired?
Sure. Why not?! If you feel inspired to write a poem, write a poem! Here, I’ll give it a whirl …
(A Humorous) Ode to Order
By Erin Rooney Doland
I love it when it’s clean in here
I love it when the counter is clear
I love to have my friends stop by
and not once have to apologize
Oh how I love my newly organized space
A place for everything, and everything in its place
Do you watch tv? What shows?
I love pop culture. I have a TV and a DVR, and I watch most of my shows in clumps on Saturday mornings and Wednesday evenings — and some mostly in fast forward (Project Runway, Top Chef). The following shows are programed to record into my DVR, but not all of them are currently in season: Burn Notice, Chuck, Closer, CSI: Las Vegas, Dirty Sexy Money, Eli Stone, Eureka, Heroes, How I Met Your Mother, In Plain Sight, Law and Order, Life, The Middle Man, Myth Busters, Project Runway, Psych, Pushing Daisies, and Top Chef.
If you could legally burn your house down and start over from scratch, would you?
One of Unclutterer’s programmers lost his house in a fire in June, and I know for certain I do not want to go through a similar experience. Please don’t burn my house down.
Are you married?
All of the Unclutterer staffers are married except for Intern Julia. And, Intern Julia would like everyone to know she has a boyfriend.
Is that really a picture of you in Ready Made?
Yes. Do I not look how you imagined? If you met me on the street, I’d likely be taller than you imagined, too.
Can you come and clean my house for me?
No, but I hear Merry Maids does a decent job with cleaning!
Seriously, if you’re looking to hire a professional organizer, I highly recommend you use NAPO’s referral service to find one in your community.
Can you yell at my husband for me?
I try not to yell except at sporting events. Does your husband play for the Nationals? If he does, I yell at him all the time.
Do you like Martha Stewart?
I’ve never met Martha Stewart, so I don’t know if I like her. I typically enjoy her work, though, and I am in love with her book Martha Stewart’s Homekeeping Handbook: The Essential Guide to Caring for Everything in Your Home. I think it would be great to sit down and have a glass of wine with her. She has more experience in the home lifehack industry than any other human, and I know I could learn a great deal from her.
Why do you think you’re better than everyone else?
Really? Huh. Are you sure you’re reading Unclutterer.com? Because, honestly, trying to be better than everyone else would take a LOT of time and effort, and I just don’t have that sort of energy.
Can you please get rid of the cartoon at the top of the home page? He scares me.
The cartoon guy at the top of the page is staying. I have a crush on him. Around the Unclutterer offices, we call him Suck Face Man. I can’t tell if he’s inept and can’t figure out how to properly operate a vacuum, or if he’s so good at cleaning that he’s the only thing in the room left to clean? Have you seen the little guy hiding from Suck Face Man at the bottom of the page? I love him, too.
I got your contact regarding your trust worthy. I need assistance to transfer some money out of my country into your personal or company account. For your effort my family is willing to offer you Money for your expenses incurred. Can your help?
Your right, I trust worthy. You bad grammar spammer.
37 comments posted
Posted by Katy - 08/12/2008
That was a cute post. I just had to let you know. I like the Suck Face man, and I like the Scared Of The Suck Face man. I also dislike bad grammer spammers, and spammers in general. And I like wine, with or without Martha. I also like to ramble. Ramble Ramble Ramble. I like Ramble.
OK, bye.
Posted by Ralph M. - 08/12/2008
Never noticed that little guy on the bottom… One can see the fear in his eyes…
Posted by ducky - 08/12/2008
Can you yell at my husband for me?
I try not to yell except at sporting events. Does your husband play for the Nationals? If he does, I yell at him all the time.
Absolutely awesome.
Posted by Jennifer - 08/12/2008
Coming out of lurkdom to second to awesomeness. Thanks for the mid-day chuckle (or two).
Posted by Jennifer - 08/12/2008
Just had to pop by to see the little guy down here hiding. Had never noticed him before. I like the little suck face guy too. It reminds me of how my sister and I used to play with the vacuum cleaner letting it suck our hair in and pulling it back out. We did it a few times with socks too, but sometimes those slipped and got eaten by the vacuum cleaner. It was always a mystery how mom found out what happened to those socks.
Posted by Christine - 08/12/2008
Finally, a bit of humour! Thanks for the chuckle. Though I have to agree with the comments about the suck-face man, I find that illustrations sort of disturbing.
Posted by Megan - 08/12/2008
Yea!
Posted by Sian - 08/12/2008
Aw I never noticed Scared-of-Suck-face-man! I do like Suck-Face Man though.
Posted by Tracy J - 08/12/2008
I check in daily….. and I have read all the way back to the beginning! (Pat on the back for me)
Suck-Face-Man is charming, my kids think he is so fnny that they laugh out loud at him. (Scared guy, is just silly).
Great post, it made my Tuesday!
I have thought abot abandoning my house (maybe in flames) but have resisted and with help of this blog made Lovely gains in decluttering. I have tried for years to ORGANIZE, but honestly decluttering is working much better. My neat-freak husband is a more relaxed man, the kids get yelled at less (for touching the knicknacks, because now they aren’t there)and my guests see willing to stay longer for tea….all excellent side effects on top of the easier-to-keep-clean-and-function-in-my-space reason!
Posted by Duff - 08/12/2008
That gave me a much-needed pre-lunch smile.
Long live suck face man!
Posted by Wendy - 08/12/2008
I never noticed the guy at the bottom! I guess I should comment more. In fact I had to click over from Google Reader just to see him. Great post.
Posted by Tiffany - 08/12/2008
I am disturbed by how much our TV tastes overlap, even the stuff I am embarrassed about liking. But not Project Runway. Even I can’t watch that.
Posted by Lisa - 08/12/2008
“I try not to yell except at sporting events. Does your husband play for the Nationals? If he does, I yell at him all the time.”
Hmm, sounds like me!
Posted by Geralin Thomas - 08/12/2008
Heads up Erin, while you and Martha are having wine I will be having 140 degree coffee with Jeff Lewis from Flipping Out [on Bravo]
Posted by Beverly West - 08/12/2008
Mythbusters rule. I’ve probably learned more about science from those two goofballs then in all four years of high school.
Posted by larochelle - 08/12/2008
I’ve always called the guy at the bottom “Attic Dude” since I imagined that expression is one might make when popping into the attic and seeing the mess there. I call the guy at the top “Vacuumerer” (my ode to Unclutterer).
Posted by Amanda - 08/12/2008
I read Unlutterer all the time
But I seriously hate to rhyme,
I come here for organizing tips and tricks
And some of the Uni-Tasker Wednesdays in the mix,
Although never inspired to write a poem post-organize
I do attempt to sympathize,
If a poem helps you feel good about clutter
“Hey, the more power to you,” I mutter!
Posted by Cubicle Hacker - 08/12/2008
I like this post. Some people have very interesting and funny requests. I wonder how did you come up with the idea of starting this website and what did you do to promote it to this level of traffic and membership.
http://www.cubiclehacks.com
Posted by Fit Bottomed Girls - 08/12/2008
This is hilarious, especially this one: Why do you think you’re better than everyone else? If anything, I’ve always felt like you’re trying to HELP people. Not show them up.
Posted by Michael@ Awareness * Connection - 08/12/2008
That last one wrote me too. I was flattered that I had an international reputation as “I trustworthy.” Damn. Guess I’m not the only one who trustworthy.
Posted by Sheryl - 08/12/2008
Yeah, I like Suck Face Man, too. I find my kid doing things like that when he should be using the vacuum to clean his room.
We love Mythbusters and Eureka here, too.
Posted by Anne - 08/12/2008
I have seen the “scared of suck face man” man everytime I post and score zero for being observent. I tried to imagine what he looked like and was surprised when I scrolled down to find him, then I went to comment and am embarrassed to see him peeping up at me.
Geesh…
btw, I giggle at teh suck face man also….and I like him having a name!
Posted by Shalin - 08/12/2008
A delightful post – thanks for the fun poem
hmmm…would Haiku be the epitome of uncluttered poetry? well…maybe I should get to that after uncluttering my apartment
–Shalin
Posted by Jest - 08/12/2008
Love your blog.
FYI Monsieur Suckfaceman shows up in Firefox, but Monsieur Scared of Suckfaceman does not. Had to view your page in IE to see him.
Thought you would like to know.
Posted by Kellie in Switzerland - 08/12/2008
I’m using Firefox and both the big Suckfaceman and the little scared-of-suckface-man man in the bottom corner are always there to make me smile. Fun post! Thanks.
Posted by Linda - 08/12/2008
I too like suck face man and am glad to been given the notice of scared of suck face man at the bottom! These emails are hysterical and I’m afraid are only the tip of an iceberg! Thank for the smiles
Posted by Spiritowls - 08/13/2008
Loved today’s post.
I’ve always gotten a chuckle out of ‘scared of suck face man’, especially after an Unitasker post that has resulted in almost flaming comments where people haven’t shared your perspective on the useless object. He’s made me think he’s hiding from the comments.
Posted by Drew - 08/13/2008
Although I watch probably more than half the television shows listed, I suddenly find myself wondering whether certain characters from “Burn Notice” and “Psych” are unclutterers…
Posted by Angela Esnouf - 08/13/2008
I love visiting Unclutterer. I always get a smile, as well as some organising wisdom. Thank you for injecting humour into the subject.
Posted by Emma - 08/13/2008
I love you guys, I also don’t like Suck Face man. But I love hiding man – so it balances out
)
Posted by Havana - 08/13/2008
My house burned down a couple of years ago; it was heartbreaking and devastating but as time unrolled, I fell in love with having nothing.
Consequently, when we started replacing out things, the clutter started building up and I felt like my mind scattered. It was difficult to focus on any one thing and difficult to stop my addiction to buying, buying, buying. Recently, I started giving away or donating some of my things (Using tips from Ubclutterer as well!
) and now, I can find mental ease again.
I most definitely wouldn’t go to the extreme of burning my house down but it made me realize how lighter my sense of well-being became when I didn’t have things to anchor me down.
Posted by Glen Stansberry - 08/13/2008
Here’s two cheers for Pushing Daisies! I was certain that my girlfriend and I were the only 2 people in the world who liked that show.
Great post Erin. It’s great to hear that other bloggers have eccentric emails
Posted by Cynthia - 08/13/2008
Pillows, blankets and old papers too
Under the bed are 20 pairs of shoes
Closets full, no one dares to open
For fear that it comes down crashin’ and broken
Table tops where dinner was served
Holds junk mail, laptops, oh what nerve
The garage where cars are usually found
It’s full of toys, bikes, golf clubs, all on the ground
Oh my what shall I do
Should I call Martha or Erin or bring in a crew
No, I’ll start right here, with a drawer today
Tomorrow will come and I shall be amazed
Uncluttering can be such a relief
As you see it relieves so much grief
Everything has a home and stowed away
For it is in its place to stay
But when it’s done I don’t regress
I look at my home that has much less
I take a deep breath and grab a glass
I toast my new uncluttered life at last!
Posted by Michele - 08/13/2008
Thanks for the laughs
Posted by Nunya - 08/14/2008
Long time lurker, first time poster. Sincere condolences on your colleague’s house fire.
If you could legally burn your house down and start over from scratch, would you?
In a heartbeat. The only things I’d grab on the way out are my purse/car keys, the cats, and a small box of important papers (including cash to buy a few clothing items and a toothbrush). Everything else is Just Stuff and can be replaced over time…or more likely lived without.
Posted by Sasha - 08/14/2008
I laughed so much reading this!
I have pondered suck face man too, and wondered what he really had to do with uncluttering. However, he’s too cool to replace.
Posted by Sandy - 08/17/2008
I am sitting here wondering if I will have to abandon my house very soon. There is a tropical storm soon to become a hurricane heading our way and I am trying to decide what to take with me if and when I have to go. A few years ago Hurricane Charley devastated the area just south of me and this one seems to be on the same track. The important papers are already in a case with my laptop computer and I have a suitcase packed and ready to go. I’ve gone from room to room trying to decide if there is anything important that I must take and no, not really. There are things that I would hate to lose but most everything is replaceable. It puts clutter and possessions in perspective when you have to “move” in a hurry.
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