But me? Oh, I try to be clutter-free and clean. ‘Hey.. lets be stereotypical about teenagers!’ Erm, no..

1)Oppositional-Defiance… this is a psychological term which basically means, if you tell me to do it, even if I was about to do it myself, I won’t. I am finally getting over this urge in my twenties, but it was bad in highschool. My mom would tell me to clean my room and my gut reaction would be to go make it worse. Don’t know why, completely illogical, but there you go. Work with your kids if they seem to have that impulse otherwise you’ll be running into a brick wall and they will be building it stronger and higher.

2) make a distinction between dirty versus cluttered. If you want them to de-clutter the room make sure than they have enough places to put their stuff. My clothes were strewn about the room because a) i hate folding shirts and b) not enough space. now I use hangers for all of my shirts and they hang neatly in the closet. Just because an organization system works for you doesn’t mean that it will work for your kids. If it is dirty chances are they hate their room just as much as you do, but are overwhelmed by it.

hope this helps…

I’ve currently got a box full of papers and random crap sitting next to my desk, and I’m using the weekend to get them organized and filed. My parents were really respectful of my space, but there’s no reason to listen to somebody complaining about something that’s easily fixed.

Things like cell phone texting, IMing on the computer, and television are perks that can be taken away, not birth rights. Frankly, learning to manage their stuff is a life skill I want them to learn.

I suppose shutting the door is an option, but it tends to make small homes feel even smaller, especially in the winter with so little daylight.

Why? Encourage a sense of *style*.

If they want to have a stylish space, if they can have friends round, then they’ll want it to look at least good enough for their friends.
For all the heartache of teenage romance, an (optimally – for cleaning I mean) unrequited love-interest visiting the house is one of the best incentives for someone to frantically tidy their room.
Heh.

The more visitors, the higher the impulse to – just put these clothes away, close those drawers, put those posters up…

Ok, the style may not be what you’re *into* – so you will have to weigh up with yourself whether you really do want an ornate goth/hippy/emo sanctuary in your house, or a standard boring messy teenage room. Some people may prefer the latter.

Of course, if that’s the case, that whole scheme has problems way earlier – the independence of having people round, etc etc only really works with a family with healthy communication structures, and an ability to move back the boundaries gradually as the teen gets older. For some, it just won’t work.

I didn’t have anything to hide, I’m just very protective of my own space, so that was enough. However, about a month ago, completely of my own accord, I cleaned and organized EVERYTHING, so now everything has a place, and I put it back. And yes, my mother comes in sometimes still, but I’m becoming less bothered by it. The organization and peace are worth it.

The uncluttered mentality can’t be taught. It’s a result and a function of experience and maturity.

I got a clothing allowance to spend per month so could only buy what I could afford. If I wanted a new coat, I had to save. So the mountains of clothes never happened. I had to do my own laundry (taken to a launderette too, not just dropped in a laundry basket). I had to manage my room, but was also allowed to decorate it exactly as I wished beyond the door.

My mother used the stairs tactic with stuff scattered in the common rooms (the thing of stacking stuff on stairs ready to be taken up). I was lucky that we had a study room upstairs which I used as my school study, but because it was a common room, I had to have all my work shut away in my desk at the end of the night.

Also, just don’t buy that many stuff for them, you’ll have less clutter. I buy one toy of their choosing for them once every year, on their birthday. And yet, they still have more toys than I can think of. When they have less, they’ll take better care of what they have. Yeah, poor kids, I know.

I wanted to put you at ease if you were referring to my mother’s tactics.

I am not scarred from this cleaning behavior of hers. In fact, the reason she did those things was to teach us a great lesson, one that we haven’t forgotten.

“Be thankful for what you have. Be responsible for what you have. If you can’t take care of it or refuse to do so, I’ll give it to someone who will.”

It was not disrespectful of her to come into our rooms and clean them out. We understood the rules and chose to disobey them. She was not being unreasonable with her expectations for a tidy home and living environment. And we did have plenty of hangers and storage space for our belongings. If we didn’t, we worked together on organizing. I’m referring to when we were being lazy (as many children and teens are) about cleaning. There was no reasonable excuse for us throwing our clean clothes on the floor instead of taking the time to put them in a drawer or closet.

She wasn’t being disrespectful of our space, we were being disrespectful of OUR space. Our home was a shared space and we knew we shared the responsibility for keeping it clean. And worse, we were not properly caring for the things our parents provided for us. I completely agree with her desire to keep our home clean and cared for, and respect her for teaching us to take care of the things we have.

As a teenager, I had my room about 3-4 feet deep at all times. No joke.

I had too much stuff. I had most of a household’s worth of cuterly, crockery and linen, and mum bought me clothes all the freakin’ time. I wasn’t allowed to throw anything out, because it was still good clothing. The other stuff – I wanted to store it elsewhere, but elsewhere was full of junk and other stuff. My parents are hoarders, you see. That never helps.

Also, my mother said ‘Clean up your room!’ a lot. Her room was messier than mine, so I cleaned it up to the level of hers, and defended my position. Not a problem you will have, I suspect.

Basically: If I’d been allowed to make my own decisions and be free of judgement when I chose to toss something, I think I would have managed some level of neatness. As it was … not so much.

To walk into another person’s room and toss their stuff without their consent, that’s disrespectful, plain and simple. Work with your kid to come up with things that will work for both of you. Kids are smarter than they often get credit for, so brainstorm together and you may find the perfect solution. If you go marching into Jane’s room yelling, “Pick up this pigsty or I’m throwing it all out!” that’s probably not going to make her want to say, “Hey, I’d love to pick this stuff up, but I don’t have enough hangers/space to put things/whatever. Can you help me?” Developing and maintaining a healthy and non-coercive relationship with your kids should be more important than striving for some obsessive uncluttering goal.

Pick your battles–things that are a health/safety concern are fair game and most teens can understand why they may not have a congealing mold colony covered with ants in their bedroom. But is it really going to hurt you in 30 years if your kid kept all her clothes on the floor? Don’t waste your kid’s teen years picking a fight about every. single. thing. Down the road, you’re not gonna remember every mess, but you and your child will remember all those years you lost to fighting with each other.