Some of you might call it “making excuses”. I’m being realistic.

Of course I’m unhappy. Of course my surroundings are uncomfortably untidy. I hate living in a cluttered environment. However, there is very little that I can do about it.

It isn’t because I don’t want to. It is because on most days I am extremely depressed and unhappy. I often feel unable to be productive.

It is hurtful when more organized individuals adopt a judgmental attitude. If you are living with somebody who tends to clutter, the best way to handle it is by showing compassion. The person obviously has an emotional or psychological disorder. You have the right to live in an organized environment, they have the right to be understood and helped.

When you label people with this problem as “pigs”, or insinuate that they are lazy slobs, what do you expect? Not everyone can simply hop up and start cleaning like there’s no tomorrow. I feel like I have absolutely NO control in my life and it shows in my surroundings.

Shaming the person and acting holier-than-thou will not give them the incentive to become more organized. Instead, it creates additional tension in the environment. My stepfather has called me “pig” and other derogatory names more than I care to remember. My mother would shout and scream at me.

I’ve always done the dishes and my share of chores no matter where I’ve lived, but my bedroom at my stepfather’s home is another matter. I’m engaged to an older man who is a type-A individual…he isn’t a clean freak, but he has the “things should ALWAYS be in their place” mindset.

It is important not to lose sight of the fact that most people who clutter probably suffer from some type of depression. We don’t clutter because we’re trying to annoy you or drive you nuts. Some of us need serious therapy.

Frustrated Believer, I don’t know what your situation is but I feel for you. It sounds like your husband is being a bit selfish and that isn’t fair. Both of you should be sharing the chores at home. He should respect the fact that housework is almost therapeutic to you. He shouldn’t make you feel bad.

However, his belligerent attitude might come from an attitude on your part that you’re unaware of.

To clarify, I know that I sometimes become a bit defensive when certain people bark orders at me to clean my room or organize things. I’m 25 years old. I realize that my clutter bothers some people, but that is why I have my own little space. They don’t have to look at it. It all depends on how you approach the situation. I’m not saying that you belittle your husband…it certainly doesn’t sound that way. It sounds like he is being inconsiderate of your feelings.

All I’m saying is that when we live with other people who clutter for whatever reason, a little compassion goes a long way. My tendency to clutter started because of my traumatic childhood and teenage years. That was my way of dealing with life. Unfortunately, it worsened over the years.

Boy ain’t that the truth. When my cluttering became a problem I stopped having friends over because I’m too embarrassed by my mess. Personal neglect becomes a problem for depressed hoarders like myself and then it spreads out into our living space, and then our work space. It’s a nightmare. If you know of a co-worker who kind of dresses sloppy and looks out of it, have sympathy. I wish I were an A-type personality who had my act together 24/7.

I think there’s a book out there called “Does this clutter make my butt look fat?” The gist being: lose the clutter, lose weight. Is it that simple?

As the clutter gets worse, it can exacerbate the depression by making the person feel they’re in a deep pit they can’t get out of. Depressed people will also often buy stuff in hopes it will make them feel better. It can turn into a very nasty downward spiral. Professional treatment of the depression is a first step. There are websites where one can do an initial self-diagnosis to see if it’s truly depression and not just unhappiness.

I had forgotten I have carpet in the bedroom, too….

I can let my place get messy when I’m okay with how things are doing in my life. It’s like I’m projecting the need for order in my head onto the need for order in my apartment.

I tend to agree with the depression-clutter connection. The most chronically depressed people I know live in constant, debilitating disarray. I’m genetically predisposed to depression myself, and when my mood is down, the clutter builds. Cleaning and clearing my space makes me feel more in control of my world, which is empowering, and ultimately uplifting. Objects can also hold associations that let bad energy linger, and keep you emotionally tethered to outdated perceptions of yourself. I would love to help my friends declutter their worlds too, but I find people have to be ready for the help before they’ll accept it. Just starting somewhere small can help, though!

It’s strange that you seem to describe your home as cluttered, then not cluttered in the next sentence (you only collect little things, not “store bought crap”). Real clutter is debilitating.

“Sentimental” attachment to items leads others to having a dysfunctional home. I myself take photos of most of the stuff I may want to look at later. Thankfully, most items do not elicit a tactile “awww” response from me, so photos will suffice. I prefer to keep moving forward and live in the present.

A functional home (in which to live and raise a family) is important to most people’s well being and peace of mind.