People react to satisfy demands. People act to satisfy requests. Telling a person why to act is a request.

For me it was explaining that too much disorder in my environment translates to disorder in my thinking. Disorder in my thinking eventually translates negatively to my emotional state. It’s not that I see a pile of misc. papers and I am suddenly depressed. It’s more like ‘There’s so much to clean I can’t decide where to start, so why bother?’. Eventually the anxiety of not acting on the problem adds up. And when someone cares about your feelings they want to act on your behalf, all you are doing is showing them how.

He gives me space for my constant need to have things in their place, and I’ve lightened up on his laid back manner about clutter.

I’m also kind of bothered by the self-righteous tones in dealing with spouses. Let’s say as part of my de-cluttering, I went for the “uniform” way of dressing, as discussed earlier, whittled things down to basics– I can tell you my husband would hate that. But if it would be OK for me to go through the house when he’s away, take the things I deemed clutter, and get rid of them, store, them, throw them on his desk, etc., wouldn’t it be OK for him to get rid of all my basic clothes and replace them with stuff he liked sometime when I wasn’t home? Of course it would — it’s the same thing.

Here’s the link:
http://www.stevepavlina.com/bl.....tionships/

What do you think?

(And I know this is not a financial blog, but a couple should really work as a team on money matters. Unless you are keeping finances completely separate, you should get to have input in the family’s financial decisions.)

I simply believe men and women have different ideas of what is clutter and what isn’t, at least in our house!

A good professional organizer would be able to help by suggesting alternatives – and having a third-party perspective can also be useful. You can find professional organizers at http://www.napo.net.

While I may not understand how he’s okay with keeping TWO sets of measuring cups because the one plastic set with no labels is the one he bought as a young man and he likes them … I am okay with u keeping them because they’re important to him and he uses them. That’s the important distinction for me — does keeping something make him happy? Does he use it regularly? Then I keep my mitts off it.

His five boxes of childhood detritus, on the other hand … that was when we sat down with the recycle bin, a “keep” basket (much smaller) and a bottle of wine, and went through that together. Measuring cups, yes. Five moving boxes, no.

The words “moving soon” in your post rang clanging bells with me. Since I have moved many times–always for husband’s job, etc.–I have become neater and neater in response.

You’re likely to end up packing alone for your next move because clutterers are useless when it comes to hard work where their precious “stuff” is at risk. And who wouldn’t resent the solitary drudgery of packing two hundred boxes of stuff you never wanted, don’t like, and which is mostly in your way? None of us are that saintly.

Another idle thought just struct me. You’re not, by any chance, moving to a larger, more expensive place primarily to have more room for the stuff, are you? Hmmm…

In any case, make him help you pack, and don’t let him wiggle out of it! He needs to know the sweat equity price of that heavy load.

After hours/days/weeks of wrapping, stuffing and stacking, the stuff will seem a lot less shiny.

One compromise that happened by accident: our new bedroom is laid out so that I never, ever need to walk by his side of the bed. In fact I usually can’t even see whatever he has on the floor over there. Out of sight, out of mind for me.

The problem that remains is his addiction to Shiny New Things that we absolutely don’t need. We have never-used juicers and breadmakers and computer doodads. He’s the breadwinner, so it’s his money to spend, but me, I’d rather take a trip than have another gadget.

(and yes, I am the Jennifer who wrote in)

Clutter is one thing – but shoes are an incredibly vital part of a woman’s wardrobe. It’s unsurprising that most men do not relate to this, as they can often get by with one pair of sneakers, one pair of sandals, and dress shoes, but any gentleman preparing to cohabitate with a woman should also be prepared to respect her collection of shoes! Believe me, I am way into uncluttering most of my life, but I have many pairs of shoes that get worn once a year or less, and I would NEVER get rid of them. It’s just not the kind of thing where you can wear a different pair of shoes with that one gold and turquoise dress – sometimes you really need that one specific shoe for the one specific outfit.

That said – ORGANIZE the shoes, not only for decluttering purposes, but to preserve their beauty. I am the proud owner of over 40 pairs of shoes, and they live neatly in over-the-door racks in my closet. I hate those as-seen-on-tv things, but I do recommend the over-the-door racks they carry at Bed Bath & Beyond for this.

Get her to unclutter in other areas – pick your battles.

The above link is for a post called Clutterers & Neat Freaks: Can They Co-Exist. The bottom line is respecting each others boundaries and knowing when to pick your battles.

How does it balance out? We bump heads on occasion, but it’s such a balance between us it’s usually not an issue. Once I start to get over-crazy about organizing…she makes me more mellow and tells me to relax. When she can’t find something, I gently persuade and help her be a little more organized.

However, her obsession with collecting napkins, while helpful…I often toss a good chunk of them without getting caught.

It also helps to identify item that they can’t break up with (empty pill bottles was a battle). As it turns out, humane shelters often ask for empty bottles, so we were able to feed her need to keep them and give them away to some place that will use them.